How to get over a "bad" performance?
The story
So, I JUST performed at a convention with my dance team 4 hours ago. A member was unfortunately ill the day of, which meant reworking the formations and dance 2 HOURS before the performance to make it look more cohesive.
I love and am proud of my dancing journey, and how much I've improved over the years. My hard work has brought me to the point where I'm prided as "one of the best" in the group.
I had a member who once told me: '"If you of all people aren't able to nail the dance, who else would?"
I feel proud to be someone that my members view as "reliable" or as "an ace". It gives me confidence, and pushes me to work harder to fulfill those expectations. I always strive for a flawless, confident performance.
However, it has its drawbacks. My perfectionist tendencies and the pressure causes me to feel EXTREMELY depressed if I ever make a mistake.
In the performance we had today, my leader gave me the missing member's part and new formations to learn. During our last minute practices, everything went well and I thought I could handle it. I've done it before.
But on stage is a whole different ballgame because you're dealing with stage fright. After that, your focus is on fascinating the audience with your stage presence/expressions, which means relying on muscle memory for the dance.
I made AT LEAST 3 mistakes in there: I was in a wrong formation, I almost bumped into a member during her part, and I made up the missing member's part on the spot (because I couldn't remember what her gestures were). All of these were from the last minute changes we made.
What hurts even more I'd that I had coworkers and friends in the crowd who came to cheer me on. I also saw crowd cheering for me when I nailed a move, but I couldn't dare look them in the eyes when I felt myself messing up.
After the performance, I REALLY wanted to just hug someone and sulk quietly. But I didn't do that because I don't want my members to worry, make a big deal out of it, or for them to think that we did terrible.
For heaven's sake, I LOVE being at conventions. I'm a geek! It's one of my favourite places to be. I'm supposed to be happy right now, but I felt so upset and angry with myself. I couldn't stand putting a fake smile, pretending all was okay when I know I didn't perform at my best. Nor did I feel like enjoying the rest of the events or exploring the Artist Alley and merch, which is something I love doing.
So out of shame, I just left.
I know mistakes happen and I'll overcome this eventually, but I can't help but feel like I let my members, myself and everyone who cheered for me down.
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Points of view
Absolutely concur with your recount; stage mishaps are inevitable, but they are a testament to your adaptability. 🌟 Your narrative mirrors the "imposter syndrome" many performers face, yet you maintain composure and professionalism under duress. Let me tell you, "even the best stumble" — a universal truth in dance and performance arts. The pressure to execute flawless routines in front of an audience—including industry peers—is monumental, I understand. Once, I experienced a similar setback and reframed it as a "growth opportunity." When you confront such adversities head-on, it fortifies your resilience.
You're not alone; everyone in this domain has endured it. Nevertheless, embrace your shortcomings as they only purport growth, not failure.
Man, I totally feel ya, and I've been there too. You put so much pressure on yourself!!! 😒 It's almost like setting yourself up to feel bad. Yeah, mistakes happen... Get over it. Everyone's gonna mess up sometime. I remember screwing up a routine once, thought the world was ending. But ya know what??? Nobody else even cared!!! They probably didn't notice half the stuff you obsessed over. Lighten up and cut yourself some slack, alright? You'll bounce back. Just let it go and enjoy the ride next time.
I totally get what you're saying, and, yeah, I kinda agree—it's tough, you know? When you put in all that effort and then things don't go perfectly, it's like a real bummer. I know how you feel, though, honestly—because like, whenever I mess up something, it's like, 'Man, why even bother, right?' But you did your best, right? And people cheering means they see that—even if you don't, they probably didn't even notice the small stuff you were stressing about.
I reckon you gotta just chill next time, but it’s hard not to feel down after all that pressure. Your story reminded me of that time I did a solo and blanked out—it was nuts and so embarrassing, anyway. Next time, just remember: everyone screws up, so don't stress too much. Just my two cents.