I can't stop thinking
The story
TW: sexual assault
Hi um so I'm posting here because I really don't have anywhere else to talk but I've been having a lot of trouble recently. I've been remembering a lot of the bad things that happened to me when I was a kid and it's a lot and idk what to do because I can't stop remembering it. From the ages of 9-11 my best friend who was the same age and gender as me kind of like molested me? I don't know if it counts because we're both girls and the same age but she would do a lot of things to me. I don't wanna get into a lot of details but it happened at least once a week and it did involve penetration with her fingers. I remember it happening a lot and she'd "experiment" on me, and one time our parents walked in. They were really mad and her parents stopped talking to us for a week but she convinced them it wasn't that bad and we were just "playing doctor" but she never stopped after that and I'd tell her I didn't like it but she would tell me I'm pathetic and if I didn't do this I wouldn't be her best friend, so I did. It went on until she moved to a different state and I honestly forgot about it until like a few months ago and I've been recalling everything she'd done to me and idk what to do because I feel disgusting and I can't stop thinking about it and I know it wasn't a super big deal bcs yk we were both kids but I still can't get it out of my head and it's like scaring me and idk what to do and idk if it even counts because we were both kids and we were both girls but I think I've been spiraling downhill recently and I realize how a lot of the stuff I do like being awkward in convos or having trouble with physical touch is partially due to this and I just hate myself for it because I can't get over it and I can't even hug my own friends without getting weirded out and I'm sorry for ranting I'm just really in a bad place rn with this and I can't stop thinking about it eve though it happened years ago

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I'm really sorry to hear about what you've been going through; that sounds incredibly tough. It's important to remember that no matter the age or circumstances, your feelings are totally valid. And honestly, just because you were both kids doesn't make it any less real or impactful. I know you mentioned feeling like it wasn't a "super big deal," but, honestly, if it's affecting you now, it sure as heck is significant. I've read somewhere that our brains can sometimes hold onto things like this and it resurfaces when we least expect it, it's like those delayed reactions people sometimes talk about.
You mentioned feeling awkward in convos or being weirded out by physical touch, and honestly, I've got a buddy who went through something kinda similar and he's dealt with touch issues too. It's pretty common for past experiences to shape the way we interact with the world—sometimes in ways we don't even realize. Have you thought about chatting with someone professional about this? I know it's a bit of a cliché suggestion, but sometimes having someone to help process everything can make a huge difference. No need to apologize for venting though, that’s what these spaces are for, right? Just take it one day at a time, be kind to yourself, and know you're not alone in this.
Damn, that sounds super rough. No need to downplay what happened just because you were both kids. It still counts, and it's a big deal if it messed you up like this. Honestly, what she did to you is just wrong; end of story.
I've had stuff from my past pop up out of nowhere too, and it can really mess with your head. You're not alone in feeling like this, and it’s okay to admit that it's affecting you. Reaching out to someone who can help you work through these feelings might be a good step. You're not crazy or anything; it's just something you need help dealing with. Take care of yourself, seriously ❤️.
hey, i hear you’re going through a really tough time, and that’s not easy. but i gotta say, trying to figure out what happened way back with childhood experiences can be super confusing. i mean, how do we really know what was intentional or just awkward kid stuff?? i've got a buddy who also looks back at childhood situations and wonders if he’s overthinking it all.
it sucks that you're feeling this way, but it might help to look at it from different angles. maybe your friend didn’t fully grasp what was happening, even if it felt wrong to you. sometimes, stuff from the past can seem bigger, especially when it hits outta the blue like that. you ever think that talking to someone about all this could clear things up in your head? figuring this out might lighten the load a bit. just saying, you're stronger than you realize, and you've got this!!!
I'm genuinely sorry to hear about the distressing experiences you've endured, and it is indeed significant. Childhood incidents like these can have profound psychological impacts; thus, your current feelings are completely understandable.
Acknowledging the connection between past events and present difficulties with communication or physical touch is an essential step toward healing. Engaging with a therapist could be beneficial in processing these memories. The resilience you've shown by sharing this story is admirable, and there's hope for recovery and personal growth ahead. Remember, you are not alone and support is available. Stay strong and be kind to yourself 😊
hey, i'm really sorry to hear about what you've been through. it sounds like a deeply challenging situation, and i completely understand why it's affecting you now. even though you both were kids, what happened was a violation of your boundaries and that's always a big deal.
i remember going through something rough when i was younger, and it's wild how those memories can just pop back up and mess with your mind; it’s important to acknowledge how these past experiences are shaping you today. sharing your story is a brave step, maybe exploring this with someone you trust or a professional can help you find a path forward. you deserve healing and peace, and there’s definitely hope for that 🙂.
i'm truly sorry to hear about your experiences. it's completely valid to feel that this was a significant and impactful event in your life. despite being young, the feelings and boundaries involved are very real and important. what happened to you shouldn't be minimized; it's crucial to recognize that.
it's commendable that you're acknowledging these memories and their impact on your current life. addressing these feelings with a professional could be very helpful in your healing process. your courage in sharing this is a powerful step, and there's hope for finding peace and understanding in the future. you're not alone in this journey. stay strong and take it one day at a time!