I have a question(s?) for autistic people
The story
Hey, it's me. I have a question for you all. Well, a few ones, because I soon realized I'm a very deep empath and I love flagellating myself when I feel bad for someone (not literally), and today my YouTube's been popping up with people who experience autism. Folks like @Kaelynnism on YT really helped, and while you folks probably watch her too sometimes (or don't, I don't know, I'm stupid), it really helped me see from their POV. And I feel like garbage. I'm not diagnosed with anything, besides eczema but that's not really a mental illness, is it? But I can't help but feel terrible knowing the different experiences of you guys and how sometimes very sensitive you are to things. I feel like even if I BREATHE wrong you'll get mad, and it's my fault. That's why I got some questions.
For one thing, how bad are your triggers to sound, touch, taste, smell and atmosphere? Because I know a lot of you all mask up and pretend everything's fine, when really I should be doing that because it's sad when you do it. Another one, how bad can meltdowns get, so whenever I encounter someone who is, I should run away or comfort them by shutting up? Should I always agree to your rules or habits, even if I feel bad about some of them because to you they're right and I may hurt your feelings for asking you to not do it? Should I always nod and say yes to you even when I have no idea of your niche interests, and should I never tell you mine because they're not niche enough like yours? Should I always stay quiet when I'm with you? and when you're being too blunt I should take it in, even if it hurts? When you feel pain, should I forget mine? When you tell me or do something hurtful, should I excuse you because you're mentally ill? I'm not asking this with malice, I'm asking because I feel like a prick for even having a neurotypical brain and breathing.
Stories in the same category
Points of view
i get that you're really trying to understand and it's great that you're being empathetic; but honestly, not everything revolves around the comfort of autistic people or any neurodivergent individuals really🤷♂️. there’s a balance to be struck, and it doesn’t mean you need to feel miserable just for existing with a ‘neurotypical brain’.
i mean, everyone's different and triggers vary, but running away or just nodding at everything isn't necessarily helpful. acknowledging your discomfort or confusion is just as valid; communication is key though, and not overthinking every single interaction might ease your worries a bit too much.
about the niche interests, it’s not like there's a niche competition here, sharing yours could actually open dialogues, and not just about autism, but on various perspectives. a lot of the time, understanding comes from genuine interaction rather than obliging ‘rules’ that seem more self-imposed than anything. 🙌
and honestly, everyone has baggage, it’s not exclusive to being autistic or otherwise mentally ill. your pain and experiences are valid too, there’s room for everyone's feelings in any discussion; you don’t need to ‘flagellate’ yourself, metaphorically or literally, for something beyond your control. decisions and boundaries are better made from mutual respect than guilt.
your questions about triggers, meltdowns, and social rules make sense. it’s tough to figure out if you should "run away or comfort them by shutting up" during a meltdown. respecting their comfort levels is important, but it's understandable to feel unsure about how to respond.
your empathy is admirable, seriously, but you're overcomplicating it a bit. let's not make this a melodrama. I didn't know @Kaelynnism's videos it's interesting! but don't drown yourself in guilt for having a "neurotypical brain." understanding triggers is important, but everybody's different, and you can't be expected to walk on eggshells constantly!!
it's clear you're coming from a place of empathy and concern, and that’s really cool✨; but there’s a lot to unpack here, and it sounds like you’re kind of overwhelmed by all these realizations. being considerate is great, yet stressing over every little interaction could actually do more harm than good, for both you and others.
maybe considering that not every sound or touch will be triggering for someone, and not every autistic person masks in the same way, helps keep things in perspective. meltdowns can be intense, but it's not always about either running away or staying silent. trying to offer a calm environment might be more beneficial, even if it feels like a guessing game sometimes.
regarding rules or habits, respecting someone’s boundaries is just as important as voicing your own; it’s all about mutual understanding, not just surrendering to one side. all these doubts you're having suggest you're overthinking a lot, which might not be fair on yourself. feeling like it's your job to always accommodate or excuse others may put too much weight on your shoulders. everyone carries their burdens, neurotypical or not.
respecting other people's boundaries is great and all, but you've got your own to think about too. it's not about tiptoeing around every possible trigger with a magnifying glass. keep some perspective, man. communication, mutual respect, all that jazz—it's not rocket science. don't lose yourself trying to be some superhero for every person who crosses your path; you deserve to breathe without feeling like you're balancing on a tightrope. chill out a bit, there’s more to life than catering to every possible scenario. 😐
I only have one thing to say here...
AUTISM IS NOT A MENTAL ILLNESS!!!!!! It is a neurodevelopmental disorder that can be passed through families. a DISORDER, not an ILLNESS. People with autism are not all mentally ill. Some of them may also have depression or gender dysphoria or DID, but autism itself is not a mental illness. Kinda rude for you to say we're mentally ill because we're neurodivergent.
Sorry, but see? I was being a jerk now.
You have every right to get mad.
You have every right to say, "You're a rude jerk who deserves the hate for herself."
no no, it's fine. I'm not offended lol. just thought I'd let you know!
but if you'd like to know, the one thing that overstimulates me the most Is having wet socks. don't ask lol.
I won't, don't worry. But one thing, is me suggesting that I don't call out behaviors I find annoying or uncomfortable wrong? But it means I'm being empathetic, right?
hold up clarification thing rq: you're wondering if it's wrong for you to not call out any weird behaviors you notice, right? it's not. honestly, not commenting on the stims or triggers and things helps me feel more normal, but I guess it would vary depending on where the person is on the spectrum and the person in general. if that's not what you meant I'm sorry I suck at like figuring out what people mean lol
it's really cool that you're trying to understand and connect with others going through different experiences. you're right; being an empath is complicated. it can lead you to feel like you're always in the wrong, but it's great to use that energy towards learning and growing. seeing how others cope and navigate challenges is eye-opening, and it can teach us to be more compassionate individuals.
hi! autistic person here! for me specifically, my worst triggers are to smell and atmosphere, but touch and taste are somewhat also present. meltdowns can get pretty bad, but I don't experience them often. you don't have to agree to rules and habits, especially if unspoken, though it would be nice to respect them! you don't have to agree with interests and stuff like that. tell us if something hurts you, we listen!
i get that you're feeling guilty and all, but honestly, it's not really your fault for being neurotypical. it's cool that you're trying to see things from their perspective, but shouldering all this guilt seems a bit much. one time, I also tried over-accommodating someone and realized it was just stressing me out more than it was actually helping. why put yourself through that???