im just so tired(mental health)
The story
im not sure if this is the right category for this but i just need to get it off my chest so sorry if i start rambling a little bit
im 18 and honestly have been contemplating whether or not i should be alive right now.
for the last six months, my life has been pretty miserable. people talk about the uni experience like it’s some exciting thing but for me it’s been nothing but a source of dread and anxiety. i had a pretty rough last two years of high school where my grades plummeted to C’s in some classes and while i did get decent grades to get into uni itself, my uni grades have been so much worse. it’s been really hard seeing it happen because growing up i associated my worth as a person with my grades and therefore with bad grades im basically less than your average person. i failed some classes in my first term and i have been trying to rectify it this term but i lost my dog almost exactly a month ago tomorrow and have felt myself spiralling deeper down this depressive? episode if you could call it that.
for the last 11 years my dog’s probably one of the only people who has loved me unconditionally. im sure my parents’ love me but it always felt like if i didn’t meet their standards i was useless and a disappointment. they know about my uni grades which sparked a lot of strain on our relationship. as if there wasn’t enough already.
and i know people’s go to response is oh you need to talk to someone!! whether that’s a friend, sibling, or family but like my situation is different. i don’t think my friends could really help me with this and my parents aren’t very approachable and my brother is like 10. i love my parents wholeheartedly and while i get that being the oldest child means that they learned how to parent through me it’s just so hard being told that family is always there for you when i know that’s not the case. my dad’s there physically but not mentally and emotionally for his kids and my mom tries to be but she’s got a quick temper and constantly makes little comments about my appearance, weight, acne etc.
anyway we just got into another argument after they found out i got a bad grade on a midterm and it kind of made me realize how much i hate myself and my life. it kind of scares me that not even 15 minutes ago i was thinking about when i was back at my dorm i could just take a crap ton of painkillers and fall asleep and hope i don’t wake up or take a hike and get lost in the woods on purpose.
i also realized that some of my habits in the last couple months have been pretty self destructive/ could be seen as sh? like i stay up all night on my phone mindlessly watching a tv show/movie, reading books or comics even when my eyes are burning and then when i fall asleep it’s like im asleep for hours or like mindlessly playing video games(which have always been a coping mechanism/decompressor) for hours on end despite knowing i could be using the time to be productive.
i’d just like some sort of sign to keep going, something to motivate me because im very close to just ending it.
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totally get it... uni is like that sometimes 😔... you're not alone in feeling this way... i agree, the pressure is immense!!! seems like you've got a lot on your plate 🤯 dealing with personal issues and academic stress is tough... grades don't define you, easy to lose sight of that... self-destructive habits??? they're more common than u think when u wanna escape reality!!! it's okay to feel lost sometimes 🤷♂️ but pls focus on self-care... mental health is as vital as physical health!!! take it one step at a time... perseverance is key... life's not always straightforward... things will improve... hang in there!!!
Hey, I feel your struggle and it's rough, no doubt about it; just remember you're not alone in this, okay? 🌟 It's a lot to handle, and losing your dog must have been super hard. Uni can be overwhelming... it ain't always the dream it's made out to be. But don't let the grades define you. It's like they say, "you're more than your GPA." Your folks may not get it sometimes, but that doesn't mean you gotta face it all by yourself. Taking care of yourself is key... step back, breathe, and maybe chat with someone who can lend an ear. Keep your head up... you got this!
Honestly, I don't get why you're letting grades and other people's opinions get to you so much; it's like you're letting them dictate your whole life. Yeah, uni is tough, but come on, that's part of the deal. Losing a pet is hard, but that's life, man. You can't just throw in the towel every time things get rough. Like they say, "life's what you make it," and it seems like you're focusing too much on the negatives. Your parents might not always show it, but they care in their own way. Instead of letting this stuff drag you down, maybe try shifting your perspective a bit. It's not the end of the world just yet. 🤨
man, I get you're overwhelmed, but it seems like you're focusing way too much on the negatives; life ain't always gonna be a smooth ride. been there myself, struggling with grades and family pressure, but it's important to not let that stuff control you. you gotta find ways to cope and move forward. sure, uni is a big deal, but it's not the only thing that defines you. I remember when I bombed a few exams, thought it was the end of the world... but guess what? it wasn't. trying to please everyone else ain't gonna get you anywhere. you gotta do what's right for you, not just what people expect. things are tough, but you gotta keep pushing and find the positives hidden in the chaos... don't let it break you, bro. 🙃
things that kept me going when i was at my lowest point was my pride and just realising how much i truly wanted to live. new shows, seasons i wanted to watch, things i wanted to do still, foods i havent eaten in a while, a movie i've been looking forward to, fanart that i haven't seen yet, new videos i find interesting, new fruits i discovered, learning about different animals, it's those small things that kept me going
Dude, can't believe you're letting grades run your life. They don’t define you and never will. There’s more to life than academic performance—take it from someone who’s been down that road. I’ve flunked exams, thought it was game over, then realized it wasn’t the end of the world. Life's a journey, not a destination. Stop dragging yourself down, for real. Snap out of it and focus on what you can control.
Parents might not get it, but so what? Their approval isn’t everything. Prioritize your mental health, rise above it all. Trust—you got this. 💪