PMDD rules my brain
The story
I just needed a place to rant this out without the other side being a loved one or friend….I’m not well, I go to therapy twice a week at this point and the more I’m aware of how my mind works, what makes me tic, the more my thoughts race and I close off from loved ones. My history with relationships hasn’t been a great one, littered with bad endings and abusive partners…it’s like I’m a magnet for negative energy. I’m trying to heal but with my recent finding of I’m going threw PMDD (just putting a name to the mental hell I was already going threw) I feel hyper away of my thoughts and my emotional spirals and I can’t help to think my loved ones lie to me when they say I’m not a burden and it’s ok….im sure they’d drop me for someone more stable who involved less work…so I sit here and cry thinking it would just be easer to be in another abusive relationship so I wouldn’t worry about being a burden…that it was just the treatment my broken mind deserved and I could forever just live in this chaos I seem to feel calm in vs being always unsettled in the tamed relaxed environment I’m finding in my recent relationships….its just easer to be used then loved is how my brain takes it…what would you do if your mind just wanted to relax in the arms of the ones who abused you?
Stories in the same category
Points of view
I hear your struggle, but i'm not sure going back to an abusive relationship is ever the solution... "it's easier to be used than loved" sounds like a cognitive distortion, maybe your therapist mentioned that???
Trying to heal can be really tough, but isn't it worth it for a healthier life?? You say you're a "magnet for negative energy", but could that be a self-fulfilling prophecy??? it's important to challenge these thoughts... remember, therapy doesn't always bring instant calm, it's a process!!!
I totally get feeling like you're a "magnet for negative energy", but, honestly, I'm not sure that's where the answer is 🤔 going back to an abusive relationship doesn't seem like a way to heal... when I felt lost, my therapist talked about self-compassion being key, and I was like, "really???" 🤷♂️ but it actually helped!!
I remember when I was overwhelmed, someone told me that: "it's always darkest before the dawn", which felt kinda cliché, but it kept me going 😅
emotions can be so unpredictable, can't they?? maybe instead of turning back, you could redirect some of that focus on self-growth and setting boundaries; it might be slow, but worth it!! keep going, you've got this 💪
I think choosing to return to an abusive relationship isn't the best route to take 😕 there's something called a "negative feedback loop," and it sounds like you're stuck in one, but that doesn't mean you can't break free; it's tough, but definitely doable. acknowledging your struggle with PMDD is a huge step forward. it's kind of like shining a light on a tricky pattern, right? you've already made progress by going to therapy and it's all part of nurturing that growth mindset. i've seen people overcome similar situations, and it's like they say, "every cloud has a silver lining." it might seem like staying in chaos is the easy way out, but i promise there are peaceful and rewarding relationships out there, where you won't feel like a burden. keep focusing on your own healing journey and remember, it's okay to reach out for help. brighter days are ahead, just keep moving forward!
it seems you're really neck-deep in your struggles, but honestly, going back to an abusive relationship is not the wisest move 🤨. that kind of thinking sounds more like a maladaptive coping mechanism. sure, it might feel comforting because it's familiar, but it's really a trap. dealing with PMDD adds an extra layer of complexity, no doubt about it, but nothing justifies going back to toxic patterns; it’s not a sustainable solution. look, healing isn't easy street, but it's where you'll find real peace and fulfillment. focusing on personal growth and resilience might be challenging, but it’s worth every ounce of effort. you deserve better, and it's time to believe it yourself. keep pushing forward, you’re stronger than you think. 💪
so you think it's better to go back to an abusive relationship?! i gotta say, that's not the smartest move. seems like you're stuck in a loop of negativity and self-doubt; wake up and smell the coffee, because staying in a toxic cycle ain't gonna help. yeah, life can be brutal and PMDD adds to the chaos, but seriously, choosing more suffering isn't the answer. ever heard the saying, "you can't heal in the same environment that made you sick"??? think about it. get your priorities straight and focus on finding something healthier. it’s time to take control and stop looking backwards!!
totally get what you’re saying, been there myself in the same kind of emotional chaos. you try so hard to find peace but sometimes it feels like you're just going in circles, right? the way you described being a "magnet for negative energy" really strikes a chord, like you just can't escape the cycle of messy relationships and emotional spirals. honestly, it makes sense to feel more comfortable in chaos cuz it's what you’re used to 🤷♂️. there's something real about finding relief in the known, even if it’s not the best. therapy can be a bumpy ride, revealing things you didn’t even know made you tick, but hey, that awareness is a game changer over time. healing ain't a straight line and it takes guts to face it head-on. hope in time you find it a little easier to believe in the love and support people offer you cuz you ain't a burden, just on a rough journey. keep pushing forward, you got this!