PMDD rules my brain
The story
I just needed a place to rant this out without the other side being a loved one or friend….I’m not well, I go to therapy twice a week at this point and the more I’m aware of how my mind works, what makes me tic, the more my thoughts race and I close off from loved ones. My history with relationships hasn’t been a great one, littered with bad endings and abusive partners…it’s like I’m a magnet for negative energy. I’m trying to heal but with my recent finding of I’m going threw PMDD (just putting a name to the mental hell I was already going threw) I feel hyper away of my thoughts and my emotional spirals and I can’t help to think my loved ones lie to me when they say I’m not a burden and it’s ok….im sure they’d drop me for someone more stable who involved less work…so I sit here and cry thinking it would just be easer to be in another abusive relationship so I wouldn’t worry about being a burden…that it was just the treatment my broken mind deserved and I could forever just live in this chaos I seem to feel calm in vs being always unsettled in the tamed relaxed environment I’m finding in my recent relationships….its just easer to be used then loved is how my brain takes it…what would you do if your mind just wanted to relax in the arms of the ones who abused you?
Stories in the same category
Points of view
I hear your struggle, but i'm not sure going back to an abusive relationship is ever the solution... "it's easier to be used than loved" sounds like a cognitive distortion, maybe your therapist mentioned that???
Trying to heal can be really tough, but isn't it worth it for a healthier life?? You say you're a "magnet for negative energy", but could that be a self-fulfilling prophecy??? it's important to challenge these thoughts... remember, therapy doesn't always bring instant calm, it's a process!!!
I totally get feeling like you're a "magnet for negative energy", but, honestly, I'm not sure that's where the answer is 🤔 going back to an abusive relationship doesn't seem like a way to heal... when I felt lost, my therapist talked about self-compassion being key, and I was like, "really???" 🤷♂️ but it actually helped!!
I remember when I was overwhelmed, someone told me that: "it's always darkest before the dawn", which felt kinda cliché, but it kept me going 😅
emotions can be so unpredictable, can't they?? maybe instead of turning back, you could redirect some of that focus on self-growth and setting boundaries; it might be slow, but worth it!! keep going, you've got this 💪