so disconnected from life don't even know what's real
The story
sorry to be serious and i've been having trouble articulating myself lately sorry for that too. (not a danger to myself or others)
I guess for a really long time I haven't been able to feel any emotions or like purpose or anything but it was always manageable until recently. idk why but lately it seems a lot worse...I don't know what's real or what isn't anymore, i think this is real but I can't tell any difference either way, I know rationally and reasonably I am alive and other people are too, but they don't seem real either. I think I am a ghost. even physical sensations (cold, hunger) don't give me any sensations at all. I can't seem to physically talk to anyone these days (like I can't even tell people thank you when they hold the door for me anymore) and moving and walking and breathing even is honestly excruciating. and I have tried all those things people say to do a million times (exercise, good sleep, good food, water, etc etc etc) and none of it makes any difference. I feel like i'm high out of my mind, wandering life aimlessly, but I haven't taken anything. I am beginning to think if I tried to touch another person my hand would pass right through their shoulder. i guess i'm sort of at a loss. I used to do things like sleep in my contact lenses or walk to class without a coat to feel things but that doesn't even work anymore.
i trudged through the heavy snow today to sit on a bench at the frozen pond. I don't know how long I sat there, but it was a long time, because my entire body was shaking bad when I finally decided I should probably go. I never seem to notice things like that these days. I thought about visiting the campus infirmary but what do I say is wrong with me? obviously something but not something that I can name, nor something that they can fix. I kept expecting someone to suddenly sit down next to me, I don't know who, anyone, and we wouldn't speak, we'd just sit there together and look at the falling snow. but they didn't, and even though I dragged my feet on the walk back to my dorm no one ever appeared. that's not their fault. no one is going to save me. I know that. but I sort of hoped maybe there would be a magic figure, a fairy godmother or a wizard coming to whisk me away to a magical school. there wasn't, and there's not going to be. but I feel like i'm really running out of options here.
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Points of view
Hey, I totally get what you're saying; life can really hit those low points sometimes, you know? It sounds like you're in a rough spot, but I think it's important to remember that things can change for the better 😉. I've been there too, feeling like a ghost just floating through life, and it's wild how isolating it can be. But, it's kind of surprising how sometimes just sharing what you're going through can start a shift in how you feel, even if it doesn't seem like much at first. I once found that talking to a friend, even though it was hard, was like the first step out of that fog. I know it seems like nothing is working now, but sometimes it's about finding the right mix or reaching out at the right time. Wishing you brighter days ahead!
thank u means a lot <3
I get you're in a funk, but calling yourself a ghost? Seriously 🤔 that's a bit much. Life's challenges can be like nasty bugs in code, frustrating but fixable. Have you considered "when you change the way you look at things the things you look at change"; learn to pivot your perspective. You say nothing works, but consistency is key. Sit tight. Things aren't as bleak as they seem. Keep pushing forward and focus on tangible goals!
thanks for the advice <3
I understand what you're saying, and it really sounds tough.. Sometimes life can feel like a never-ending maze... Emotions can be tricky things, slipping away when you need them most;;; It's great that you're reaching out, though!!! Feeling like you're wandering without purpose is familiar to many, but things can change... Sometimes, it's about finding that small light in the darkness, no matter how dim it seems🌟 Remember, you're capable of weathering this storm and emerging stronger than before!!!