joining a new gym has not been the seamless transition i had envisioned. in fact, it feels like i'm an uninvited guest at a party where everyone else knows the theme and i'm just trying to figure out how to blend in. i see people who lift weights with such ease, their muscles seem to be effortlessly sculpted by every rep they perform. their movements are fluid and precise and they do not seem fazed by the exertion that would leave me gasping for air; my confidence takes a hit every time they add more plates to the barbell while I’m still figuring out if the machine is set correctly.

the mental battle that ensues during each workout session is relentless. am i pushing myself beyond my limits too soon? or perhaps i am not challenging myself enough? these questions whirl around my mind as I navigate through each exercise routine in a haze of self-doubt and uncertainty. it is like being caught between wanting to grow stronger and fearing injury from going beyond what my body can handle.

there's also this underlying pressure that amplifies with each visit which stems from an internal narrative telling me i should have accomplished more within this timeframe: have stronger arms, a faster sprint, or better endurance. progress seems elusive when measured against those around me who appear as if they were born into athleticism while i feel stuck trying desperately to catch up.

as each day passes without visible gains, i find myself questioning every aspect of my commitment: whether my efforts are earnest enough or perhaps misplaced entirely. does consistency hold any value if results are slow to manifest? witnessing others’ swift improvements gnaws at my resolve leaving me disheartened before i've even finished cooling down after another rigorous session.

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