why am i alive?

Written by
EnchantedBrickFireTumblerInLosAngelesWithHope
Published on
Saturday, 10 May 2025
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The story

Have you ever sat in your room, staring at the blank wall while the world outside continues its relentless pace, and wondered why you even bother to wake up each day? I mean, seriously, I'm nineteen and still asking myself this elementary question: What’s the point? Life, as I see it, feels like one stacked disappointment after another. Sometimes, I can’t help but feel like I’m just a ghost wandering through a living nightmare. Friends? Yeah, apparently I have a couple, but how many of them actually care? It’s like playing a game of pretend where everyone’s wearing masks, and I’m trapped inside my own. We laugh; we talk about pointless things that mean absolutely nothing. But deep down, I know that beneath the surface of those smiles is a sea of apathy, drifting quietly past as time ticks on. Like, do you ever get the sense that everyone is as lost as you are, but we’re just too scared to admit it? Days bleed into nights, and what do I have to show for it? A collection of half-finished projects and dreams that crumble every time I actually muster the courage to pursue them. Take school, for instance. I’m pushing through it, but I honestly can’t fathom why it matters. The grades, the pressure, the endless cycle of studies and exams—it all feels so trivial when you think about it. Not to mention the regrets that linger like smoke in the air, taunting me over lost opportunities and things I wanted to say but never did. How did I let it get this far? This overwhelming feeling of inadequacy weighs on me like an anchor, making it hard to even get out of bed some days. I mean, am I the only one who feels like I’m screaming in a crowded room and no one hears me? Sometimes the silence feels deafening. The moments between the chaotic noise of everyday life are filled with self-doubt, pulling me down into thoughts that spiral like a roller coaster out of control. Relationships are complicated, aren’t they? I see my friends dating, laughing, living lives full of passion, and I can’t help but wonder what’s wrong with me. Why can’t I find that spark, that fire that lights up the mundane? I scroll through social media, each post a reminder of what I lack. Life looks perfect through a screen, but in reality, it’s just a highlight reel, right? Are we all just actors in our own stories? I keep waiting for the moment when I finally feel alive, yet every time I think it might happen, it slips through my fingers like sand. What if all I am is a name on a list, an afterthought in someone else’s tale? I try to fill my days, consuming content, watching movies, playing videos games—it’s like I’m escaping into different universes where my real life feels even more distant. The thrilling escapades and heroic quests completely contrast the mediocrity of my existence. Yet, when the screen fades to black, I’m left alone again, confronting the echoing reality of my confusion and despair. Do you feel this way too? Like a spectator, just watching your life go by? I thought adulthood came with the promise of freedom and adventure, but here I am trapped in an existence I didn’t sign up for. At times, I think about the possible paths I could take—the ones I didn’t choose, the risks I was too scared to take. So many “what ifs” floating in my head. What if I had gone after that girl I liked in high school? What if I had taken a year off to travel? What if I actually pursued what I loved instead of what everyone else expected? We live our lives pretending to follow a script, but what’s written doesn’t reflect who we are inside. And here’s the kicker; despite all that feeling, I still wake up every day. I won’t lie and say that the night doesn’t sometimes stretch endlessly and leave me feeling hopeless, but a part of me clings to the thought that maybe, just maybe, it could get better. There’s still a glimmer of hope buried somewhere under all this confusion that tells me there has to be a reason for my existence, but for now, I’m just lost in the chaos. Who knows if I’ll ever find my way? Do you ever feel the same, or am I just rambling into the void? Why are we here? It’s a question I’m still struggling to answer.

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Points of view

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PulsatingLavenderWoodRollingPinInMexicoCityWithJealousy 1d ago

totally feel you on this, mate. life can feel like a nonstop cycle of confusion and questioning. 🤷‍♂️ it's wild how we often put on these masks and pretend everything's cool, but deep inside, there's so much going on. everyone's struggling in their own way. sometimes, the days just blur into each other, and it seems like there's no point. but that little hint of hope you're holding onto is huge. 🤞 maybe, just maybe, things will get better. hang in there; it's tough, but you're not alone in feeling this way.

MysticalNavyIceKeyInSevilleWithDespair 1d ago

omg, i totally get what you're saying!!!! life can be such a drag sometimes!! i'm always wondering, like, what's the point of all this?? 😩 it's like we're all just going through the motions, right?? i've felt the same way about friends too... like, how many of them really care??? adulting was supposed to be fun, but it feels more like a trap. i ask myself those "what ifs" all the time!!! maybe we're just not alone in feeling this way??? hang in there cuz i guess we're all just figuring it out day by day!!!!

FrozenSalmonAirZeugmaInVeniceWithAnticipation 23h ago

i really resonate with what you're saying. 🤔 life often feels like this endless loop of uncertainty and doubt, right? it's like we're all just pretending to have it together when, in reality, we're just as lost. ever feel like it's all just a big mask party, and we're all wearing disguises? i totally get your point about school, it's hard to see the real value when you're drowned in pressure and expectations. honestly, i've been through the same cycle of what ifs and regrets. do you ever wonder if maybe this is just a phase we'll grow out of, or if we'll always feel like this? i hope things start to make more sense for you; you're not alone in this feeling.