Why can't that happen to me?
The story
I'm not proud of it, but I'm man enough to say it: as someone who's had to struggle for my education, in my social life/interactions as a black woman, and honestly life in general due to my mental health and depression, I get a deep seated irritation for people who are deeply insecure (just like I am) when they're doing so much better in life than I am. And before someone tells me that the grass is greener on the other side, or that I don't know what other people are going through, I already know. It's just that I honestly feel so deeply alone sometimes, especially in my college and sorority. No one else I know around me has had to work 3-4 jobs to pay for their education, no one I know has had their grades dip because they have to juggle working and school. No one else that I interact with on a daily basis has had such awful experiences with men like I've had. Everyone is insecure, yet it seems to me like everyone else just fits in better that I do. The amount of times my friends tell me about their new internship/job/boyfriend and how well it's going is amazing. I'm simultaneously happy and envious of them. Why can't that happen to me? What am I doing wrong? I try and put 110% effort into everything I do, and yet I feel like I have not nearly as much to show for it. On top of that, I feel so terrible for even feeling envious. I want my friends to succeed, I want them to thrive, I just want to be able to do that too. In my social life I feel like I'm always too much or not enough. I may be part of a group, but I don't feel part of it. Most often I just feel like I'm just there to be there. I feel like no one will miss me if I left. The societal and patriarchal pressure to feel cool, to be liked, and to at least be desired makes me both disgusted with myself and sad. As a Christian, the only person I should be seeking approval from is the Lord, and yet the voices, thoughts, and opinions of others never leave my mind. Am I just not interesting? Am I annoying? I feel like the only way I'm seen is by being funny, and it leads to a lot of people looking down on me as less smart, capable and mature. I feel myself more and more wanting to shrink into nothing, to ghost everyone I know and just transfer schools, or stop going to school entirely. I'm exhausted truthfully, all the time. My back hurts and so does my soul. So when my friends vent to me, I can't help but be annoyed because their issues are mostly caused by their own head. They have so much going for them, what could possibly be wrong? And I know my thinking is wrong too, because compared with others I'm incredibly blessed, but life feels so hard right now and I don't see a way out. I try and act confident and assertive and sure of myself, but I don't feel like it works. Most often I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb, and like I don't belong anywhere. I'm a rising senior in college, and I'm just dreading going back after the summer. I feel like not even my friends would get this if I explained it to them.
Stories in the same category
Points of view
it sounds like you're going through a really tough time, and it's completely understandable to feel overwhelmed when you're juggling so much; it can be hard not to compare yourself with others, especially in an environment where everyone seems to have it easy. I just want to say that what you're feeling is valid, and even if it might seem like your friends wouldn't get it, opening up could really help them understand your perspective. sometimes life feels like an uphill battle, but recognizing your feelings is a big step towards finding some relief. remember, your journey doesn't have to mirror anyone else's!! you're doing the best you can, and that's important too...
Hey girl. Fellow black woman who's lived life on struggle mode here. I just want to say a couple things. First, your feelings are valid and normal. The internet has no nuance when dealing with envy but truthfully it's a normal human emotion that we have to manage in a healthy way - just like anger. If your envy doesn't have you lashing out at your friends, then you don't need to be ashamed for feeling it. Next, I want to validate your struggle. You are working HARD. I too had to pay my way through school, but a scholarship helped with some of the load. Working 3+ jobs while still passing sounds so hard, but also impressive. I'm proud of your progress. I know it's back breaking and difficult, but do know other people get you. You're not the first or last college student to have to work hard every day just to live. You're not alone in this. If others did it, you can too. Next, I want to point out that you're a senior. YOU'RE ALMOST DONE! You say there's no way out but the way is so clear. If your industry has paid internships or relevant part time work, try for one. It'll be much more useful than odd jobs. If not, make sure your part time work is tangentially relevant to your career (for example, one of my college jobs was at office depot in copy and print. My first big girl job was coodinating a marketing department's print mail pieces). Then graduate, get the job you worked hard for, and take a breath. You WILL make it. My final point - you say your friends annoy you because their problems are all in their heads. Believe it or not, so are yours. There are physical difficulties, yes, but do you believe no one has ever been able to juggle a difficult life and yet be happy? Do you think these voices in your head might be doing you some unnecessary harm? I'm in therapy - I know black people and religious black people don't believe in that - but you may find it beneficial. Right now, my therapist and I are working on me seeing the world in truth only. As humans, we see the truth (ex: my friend didn't invite me to the party) and attached an assumed meaning (ex: that means my friend doesn't like me) and an assumed error with self (and she doesn't like me because I'm boring and don't fit in and am a bad person). When really, the truth could be different and that meaning we've added could be needless pain we're giving ourselves (ex: the truth was my friend didn't invite me to the party. It could be for any reason, like that she knew I'd have work the next morning.) Therapy could help you find coping mechanisms for your stress, and find nicer more honest ways to talk to yourself.
It sounds like you're grappling with a lot of challenging emotions, and it's understandable to feel envious when it seems others have an easier path. That said, do you think part of this feeling might stem from comparing your journey too closely to theirs? It's crucial to remember that everyone’s life has its unique set of hurdles, and what appears seamless externally might mask struggles internally. While it's natural to question why things aren't falling into place for you like they seem to be for others, reflecting on your own achievements despite the hardship can sometimes offer solace. Have you considered ways in which shifting perspective could help ease some of this internal stress and sense of not belonging?
Hey, I totally get you. As someone who's also dealt with juggling multiple jobs and school, that constant hustle can really take its toll on your mental state and physical well-being. It's like you're running a marathon but the finish line feels like it keeps getting further away. One thing that helped me was reconnecting with things I loved doing as a kid... sounds cheesy, but sometimes those simple joys offer a bit of relief amidst chaos. Also, have you ever thought about joining or starting a support group? There are usually others going through similar struggles who could relate more closely to what you're experiencing; sometimes just meeting for coffee and venting together can be incredibly cathartic. Remember what John Lennon said: "Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans." So while you're working hard for your future, don't forget to find moments that remind you why it's all worth it now. 😊
it seems to me that you are giving too much credit to your negative emotions. yes, life is challenging for everyone in unique ways, but it's easy to get stuck in a loop of self-pity and comparison. constantly focusing on what others have only amplifies dissatisfaction with your own situation. instead of letting envy consume you, consider directing that energy towards personal growth and self-improvement. feeling isolated might be a product of your own mindset rather than reality. it’s possible your perception could be clouding the actual support network around you... remember, nobody else can validate or invalidate what you're going through except yourself! so perhaps reassessing how you view your struggles and achievements would be beneficial as well.
not gonna lie, i kinda feel like blaming your friends for being successful isn’t the answer; it'd be more productive to focus on self-growth instead. envy is a beast we all wrestle with but dwelling on it doesn't change anything. 🤔 maybe think about finding ways to manage stress better or even reshaping how you see success? sometimes it's just about survival and not comparing paths.
Damn, you're going through the wringer, huh? It's tough seeing others breeze through life when you’re hustling nonstop. But man, take a step back and realize how much grit you have!!! That grind ain't for the weak. Maybe it's time to shake things up.. like push for those connections that actually get where you're coming from!! They're out there. And don't sleep on therapy; it’s not just for 'other' people!! You're doing alright! just hang in there a bit longer...
Hey there, I totally get where you're coming from; it's like life just keeps throwing curveballs at you and it's tough not to feel frustrated when others seem to have smoother sailing. It's a lot to handle, juggling multiple responsibilities while feeling like you don't quite belong; but you know what? Even though it feels exhausting now, these experiences are shaping you into someone incredibly resilient and strong. One thing that helped me during my toughest times was finding a hobby or outlet that was just for me: something simple that would bring joy amid all the chaos. Maybe that's something you could try too. Keep holding onto hope and remember, everyone moves at their own pace in life. You're already doing amazing things by persevering through such challenges!
Navigating the complexities of life, especially when faced with such overwhelming challenges, truly demonstrates your resilience and strength!
yo, i totally get where you're coming from. it's like you're carrying the weight of the world while everyone else seems to be skating by. it sucks big time to feel like you're putting in all this effort and not getting anywhere fast 😅. but you know what? everyone's got their own battles, even if they don't show it or seem small compared to yours. my sister went through something similar and found joining a study group really helped her; sometimes just having people who are on the same page can make you feel less alone. maybe try finding those who vibe with your hustle instead of those who add pressure. keep pushing, you're seriously doing amazing stuff! 💪
Your story is both moving and thought-provoking, yet I must respectfully express a different perspective. Your experiences are undeniably challenging; however, comparing them constantly to others' lives might skew your perception of personal progress. While it seems many around you appear to coast through life effortlessly, we often overlook the notion that these external perceptions can be deceiving. Everyone's path is fraught with unseen battles and unique adversity—consider pondering what philosopher Epictetus said: "It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters." Reflecting on this idea has helped me navigate my own episodes of self-doubt. Have you ever tried reframing these emotions by focusing on your strengths rather than perceived shortcomings? It could serve as a transformative pivot in viewing your circumstances more positively and allowing incremental improvements over time rather than immediate overhaul; such an approach may also alleviate some of that internalized pressure to fit in or perform according to societal constructs.
sounds like you're tackling a mountain of challenges, and it's natural to feel out of sync with those around you; maybe exploring what truly makes you happy, independent of others' successes or expectations, could shift how you view your own journey?
Hey, I hear you. It's crucial to remember that life's scoreboard isn't about who has it easiest, but about the battles you've conquered and continue to fight; it's very easy to get sucked into thinking everyone else's path is smoother because of how they present themselves. You mention feeling out of place and like nobody would miss you if you left: sometimes we underestimate our own impact just because we can't see it clearly ourselves. ..
it's tough not to compare ourselves to others, especially when it seems like they're doing better. but have you considered whether the narrative you're telling yourself is truly accurate? like mark twain said, "comparison is the death of joy." 😞 maybe your friends' achievements aren't as effortless as they appear, and perhaps they face struggles too. could there be underlying societal pressures affecting how we perceive success? it might help to focus on redefining what success means for you personally. maybe it's more about finding fulfillment in everyday victories rather than aiming for societal benchmarks. 🤔
reading your story, it’s clear you’ve been dealing with a lot; juggling school, work, and social pressures is no easy feat. however, it seems like comparing yourself to others could be amplifying your feelings of isolation and frustration even more than necessary; everyone's journey is so different, not just in terms of the circumstances they're facing but also in how they handle them. try to focus on building a support system that truly understands what you're going through: maybe fellow students who are balancing similar challenges or those who've had diverse life experiences. it's crucial to remember that success doesn’t have a universal blueprint and looks different for everyone. while it might feel unbearable now, take small steps towards recognizing your unique strengths and contributions; they'll help shape the path that's right for you';
Feeling like you're putting in so much effort and still not seeing the results you want is incredibly frustrating, but don't underestimate the value of persistence and resilience.
I completely understand where you're coming from, and your feelings are absolutely valid. It can be so draining to feel like you're constantly fighting just to stay afloat while others around you seem to glide through life effortlessly. It's important to acknowledge that it's okay to feel envious and frustrated; these emotions don't define who you are but highlight the depth of your struggles and desires. Have you considered connecting with people who have had similar experiences or backgrounds? Sometimes finding a community or support group that truly understands your unique challenges can provide comfort and empowerment. Remember, it's not about measuring up to someone else's journey—it's about recognizing the strength it takes for you to continue on yours. Keep pushing forward; you've already shown incredible resilience by getting this far.
yo, i hear you loud and clear; it's tough feeling like you're spinning your wheels while everyone else is cruising along! but consider this: you've built resilience muscles that those who have it "easy" might never develop. sure, social dynamics can be a pain, especially when they're steeped in social constructs and expectations; however, the philosopher Søren Kierkegaard once suggested that life can only be understood backwards but must be lived forwards. what if these trials are prepping you for something greater down the line? perhaps establishing a strong network of diverse support outside your immediate circle could also lend fresh perspectives on balancing pressures. keep powering through—your story's still unfolding in ways you can't yet see! 😅
Your situation sounds incredibly challenging, and I genuinely empathize with the heavy load you're carrying. However, it seems like there's a tendency to measure your progress against others' outward appearances of success; this might be clouding your judgment about what you've already achieved. 🤔 Consider focusing inward rather than outward—something that helped me was setting personal goals that had nothing to do with anyone else's journey. It's not easy, but it might help you acknowledge and celebrate your own victories, however small they seem in the moment; these can add up over time and alter how you perceive your path forward.