Lately, I’ve been asking myself a question I can’t seem to answer: why do I hate myself? It’s not like I want to feel this way, but it’s there, lingering in the background every single day. No matter what I do, that voice in my head keeps reminding me of every mistake, every failure, and every reason I’m just not good enough.

It’s not like there’s one big thing that happened to make me feel this way. It’s more like a build-up of little things over time. I’ve always been my own worst critic. If I mess something up at work, I can’t just move on—I replay it in my head over and over, thinking about what I should’ve done differently. Even when people tell me I’m doing fine, I don’t believe them. It’s like they’re just being polite, and deep down, they see the same flaws I do.

Socially, it’s even worse. I overthink EVERTHING. Did I say the wrong thing? Did I come across as weird or annoying? I avoid hanging out with friends sometimes because I’m convinced they secretly don’t want me around. And don’t even get me started on dating—I can barely look in the mirror without picking myself apart, so how could anyone else see me differently?

The worst part is, I can’t pinpoint why I feel like this. On paper, my life isn’t bad. I have a decent job, a roof over my head, and people who care about me. But none of that seems to matter when I’m stuck in my own head. I’ll wake up some mornings feeling like today might be different, but by the end of the day, that familiar feeling is back, telling me I’m not enough.

I’ve tried to talk myself out of it. I’ll make lists of the things I’m good at or the things I’ve accomplished, but it never feels real. It’s like there’s this wall between me and believing anything positive about myself. Instead, I focus on everything I’ve failed at—friendships I’ve lost, goals I didn’t achieve, and all the ways I feel like I’ve let people down.

Sometimes, I wonder if this is just how it’s always going to be. Maybe I’m wired to think like this, and no amount of self-help books or therapy will change it. But I don’t want to give up on myself completely. There’s a small part of me that hopes it doesn’t have to be this way forever.

If anyone else has felt like this, how do you get through it? How do you silence that voice in your head that’s always telling you you’re not good enough? I know I’m not alone in feeling this way, but it’s hard not to feel isolated when you’re stuck in your own thoughts.

Writing this down feels strange, like I’m admitting something I’ve been trying to hide for years. But maybe sharing it will help, even if it’s just a little. If someone out there has an answer to the question, “Why do I hate myself?” I’d love to hear it. Because right now, I just want to believe there’s a way to feel okay again.

Stories in the same category