I need advice, and I’m going to explain this as clearly and honestly as I can.

Over a year ago, I was sexually assaulted and coerced and pressured into sex by my boyfriend’s best friend. I was terrified. I felt ashamed, scared I wouldn’t be believed, and scared of what would happen if I told the full truth at the time he was my landlords son. When my boyfriend confronted me about it after the best friends mom said me and him hooked up, I panicked and initially denied it. I was scared of losing everything. Later, I told him the truth — that it wasn’t cheating, that I was assaulted — but by then the damage was already done in his mind.

Part of why I was so afraid to speak up was the living situation I was in at the time. I was in an environment where I didn’t feel fully safe or secure, and I genuinely believed that if I caused “drama” or accused someone, it would blow everything up. I had already experienced moments where, when I tried to say I was uncomfortable or being treated poorly, it got brushed off. There were multiple situations that made me feel unsafe. He had harassed me for a week and a half asking for pictures and videos of me personally. And kept texting me and pushing for me to do things with him until I finally even because I didn't think I could say no. But before the harassment started, we were watching a show. This is the first time he was being friendly with me. He was always hostile towards me and I'd fallen asleep and I remember waking up to him touching me and I remember hearing and making noises and I didn't know what to do or how to say what happened and I froze because that's his best friend and my landlord's son and I didn't know what to do because of the many situations I was in. I didn't think I could speak up because I didn't know if anyone would actually believe me.

One of them was when his best friend threw a glass bottle next to my head. It exploded in my face and glass shards hit me and covered my bed. My boyfriend was sitting right in front of me when it happened. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t react. His best friend didn’t apologize. He just started cleaning up the glass like nothing happened — while I was sitting there in shock after being hit in the face with shattered glass. Moments like that taught me that speaking up didn’t change anything. It made me feel small and unprotected.

I felt like if I said no too strongly, or accused him outright, I wouldn’t be believed. I felt like I could be blamed. I was scared of retaliation. I was scared of losing where I was staying. Anytime something happened that the best friend didn't like the next day I was getting threatened to get kicked out and at the time I had nowhere else to go. I couldn't afford a place and I wasn't in contact with my family at all so I felt like I couldn't do anything I was scared of being painted as the problem. So I froze. And freezing is not the same as consenting — but fear doesn’t always look loud.

Recently, everything exploded. He said I crossed boundaries by texting him repeatedly after he said he didn’t want to talk, and by reaching out to his manager who I thought was a friend of mine when I was panicking after being ignored for three days. He told me we were completely done. He blocked me on everything. He said what hurt him most was that I didn’t tell the truth immediately when he first confronted me.

At the same time, he says he still loves me but can’t be with me. He told someone else that blocking me would “help me,” and that the way I am now would only “ruin” me. He believes I cheated. I did not. I was raped. Another girl was too. He believes her, but he doesn’t believe me.

Now I’m left feeling abandoned, confused, and questioning everything. We were together for six years. Six years of history, memories, and building a life. And it ended with me being blocked and shut out without a real conversation.

To make everything harder, I recently found out I’m pregnant. I’m waiting on blood work to confirm, but tests have come back positive. He doesn’t know. He has me blocked and has made it clear he doesn’t plan on unblocking me.

I’m not posting this to attack anyone. I’m posting because I genuinely don’t know what to do next. I don’t know how to process losing someone I loved while also carrying the weight of being assaulted and not believed. I don’t know how to move forward with the pregnancy situation if it’s confirmed. I don’t know how to heal from being told I crossed boundaries when I was spiraling and hurting.

If anyone has been through something similar — being assaulted and not believed, losing a long-term relationship this way, or navigating a pregnancy in the middle of emotional chaos — I would really appreciate advice.

Please be kind. I’m trying to hold myself together. I can't really go and hang out with friends and plan things because all of my friends are my ex's and they've all cut me off and blocked me because of the situation I plan on finally reporting what happened but I don't know how to because there's no evidence of what happened. The best one was actually pretty smart and would only text me on Snapchat or disappearing messages on Instagram and I just need advice on how to deal with everything and what to do to move on and figure this out

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