bittersweet and nostalgic

Written by
SapphirePeachWoodCasseroleDishInTorontoWithPeace
Published on
Wednesday, 27 November 2024
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The story

i just made this account to rant about how i cannot seem to stop thinking about this guy. we will call him alan.

i am a 25 y/o f. i have been in the most amazing relationship with my fiancee for the past year and a half. he is perfect you guys, and he treats me like a queen. i love everything about him.

since i was 18, there has been this guy who i met when i was in high school. we would talk occasionally and i eventually developed feelings.. was it lust? maybe. i was 18, fresh out of high school, naive, and i thought talking to an older man was the sexiest thing ever. so i was over the moon. i was naughty.

and then i find out he's married. we cut communication there. he even has KIDS. after i found out, we both decided to stop. we were just friends on social media where we would like each others' posts eventually. alan and i did not speak. i got into a very serious relationship, which ended in the worst way possible, and i was single for about two years. alan and i STILL did not talk.

i eventually fall in love one more time, with my now fiancee. guys, i need you to understand how serious i am when i say this: he is everything i ever wanted in a man. he lets my sister live with us (my family situation isnt the best right now) and supports me in every single decision. i have never been loved this strongly. i feel like people would kill to have the love i have. and i am not saying that to show off, i just want to make people understand that this love is STRONG.

well, alan recently got a divorce and decided to message me. he knows i'm with somebody else. i am just so frustrated because this has gone on for almost 8 years. and i know i should be stronger and put an end to it but how and WHAT exactly am i putting an end to? i have never dated, kissed, had sex, or anything with alan.

timing is so funny and it is never, ever right. and i am such a strong believer that if the timing is not right, it is just not meant to be.

i have decided to completely block and remove alan from my life i feel like this is coming across completely differently than i want it to, but it is a very bittersweet feeling. he is part of my book, a chapter in my life even if it was small and not significant AT ALL. but that is still a part of me and of my history. my fiancee deserves this. i deserve this. hell, maybe alan deserves it too.

i am feeling nostalgic today! it is time to turn the page. i will look forward with anticipation and excitement to my future, my wedding, my family.. i just needed to get this off my chest, because i did not want to hold it in anymore!!!!



Points of view

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SnappyOliveAirShoesInGenevaWithRegret 6d ago

honestly, you talk bout love like it's a fairytale 🏰


But sadly it ain't always that way... sometimes u gotta chill and just enjoy the ride instead of worrying bout what mighta been 🤔 u got a great guy now! So focus on that!!! :) Alan seems to just be a dude from the past no need to stress about him... life is about living in the now not dwelling on old chapters 📚 keep it real and move on with good vibes ✌️

TimelessOrangeEarthSatelliteDishInReykjavikWithShame 6d ago

Hey there! Your story resonates with me quite a bit. I've encountered similar emotional conundrums in my past relationships. It’s fascinating how human connection can linger despite our responsibility to current commitments.


In my experience, these unresolved feelings are like "residual energy" that can cloud our judgment and even cause emotional exhaustion.


Your decision to block Alan seems like a wise risk mitigation strategy. Prioritizing your fiancé's emotions and your own psychological well-being is paramount. Best of luck navigating this intricate emotional landscape—and kudos for your self-awareness! 😊

GreatSalmonWaterRamshackleInBrasiliaWithGuilt 5d ago

Your story is super touching, and I totally get where you're coming from. Sometimes, we find ourselves inexplicably drawn to certain people, even when we're in a great place with someone else. It's like our emotions sometimes have a mind of their own. I remember going through something kinda similar and felt like my heart was being pulled in different directions. 🌟


What you're doing by choosing to block Alan is honestly really brave and mature, and it shows a lot of respect for your relationship with your fiancé. It's like you're taking control of your narrative, choosing to focus on the love that lifts you up every day. It's a powerful move to let go of past attachments and invest in the amazing future you deserve with your fiancé, turning the page with such positivity and anticipation is truly inspiring, and I'm really rooting for your journey ahead.

HypnoticOliveWoodSusurrusInCharleroiWithCuriosity 5d ago

It seems to me that revisiting past connections, like the one with Alan, might complicate the emotional equilibrium in your life. I think you made the right choice by cutting ties!