i just made this account to rant about how i cannot seem to stop thinking about this guy. we will call him alan.

i am a 25 y/o f. i have been in the most amazing relationship with my fiancee for the past year and a half. he is perfect you guys, and he treats me like a queen. i love everything about him.

since i was 18, there has been this guy who i met when i was in high school. we would talk occasionally and i eventually developed feelings.. was it lust? maybe. i was 18, fresh out of high school, naive, and i thought talking to an older man was the sexiest thing ever. so i was over the moon. i was naughty.

and then i find out he's married. we cut communication there. he even has KIDS. after i found out, we both decided to stop. we were just friends on social media where we would like each others' posts eventually. alan and i did not speak. i got into a very serious relationship, which ended in the worst way possible, and i was single for about two years. alan and i STILL did not talk.

i eventually fall in love one more time, with my now fiancee. guys, i need you to understand how serious i am when i say this: he is everything i ever wanted in a man. he lets my sister live with us (my family situation isnt the best right now) and supports me in every single decision. i have never been loved this strongly. i feel like people would kill to have the love i have. and i am not saying that to show off, i just want to make people understand that this love is STRONG.

well, alan recently got a divorce and decided to message me. he knows i'm with somebody else. i am just so frustrated because this has gone on for almost 8 years. and i know i should be stronger and put an end to it but how and WHAT exactly am i putting an end to? i have never dated, kissed, had sex, or anything with alan.

timing is so funny and it is never, ever right. and i am such a strong believer that if the timing is not right, it is just not meant to be.

i have decided to completely block and remove alan from my life i feel like this is coming across completely differently than i want it to, but it is a very bittersweet feeling. he is part of my book, a chapter in my life even if it was small and not significant AT ALL. but that is still a part of me and of my history. my fiancee deserves this. i deserve this. hell, maybe alan deserves it too.

i am feeling nostalgic today! it is time to turn the page. i will look forward with anticipation and excitement to my future, my wedding, my family.. i just needed to get this off my chest, because i did not want to hold it in anymore!!!!

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