It is hard to accept it.

Hello everyone, I don't vent usually but I need to share my feelings. I have been in a relationship for 8 years. Lets call him A, we have been on and off, because we fell out for a few years but this is a new story. He reached out to me to reconnect and start dating after a long period of no contact. We were going strong happy we would work it out if we had conflicts. I believed that love can be worked out and he did too we both agreed on most things but we did have a conversation about having kids. I didn't mind if they're adopted, ivf surrogate or even biological. I am a trans man so at first I had to think about it but I wanted kids with him I wanted our future together. He knows I'm trans but I wanted to let him know what if I couldn't have them? I don't think I couldn't but I just wanted to see his reaction well he just went to you don't want kids then. That wasn't true but we seemed to figure it out ever since then I felt like he didn't feel the same way before but he assured me everything is fine I'm just over thinking. Fast forward to now, were long distance we live 8000 plus miles apart we both are focused on visiting each other, he was going to see me but he said something happened where his work won't let him get PTO. I've met him multiple times younger so I made the choice to visit him in his country although its not the most supportive of trans people anyways I tell him hey I'm going to come then he buys a house. A house there lol to visit me. In return that made him tell me to wait I got really upset because it felt like he made plans to stay there for now even though I've been trying to work for a future with him. He hits me with, do you really want kids? I said yeah I do and then he says even to breast feed? I'm like wait no what I'm trying to get top surgery. Its my body and I feel like bottle feeding is better. Anyway that was so shocking to him he almost crashed his car. This made him feel like he lost the fire and it was so important that he said its not going to work. I told him I'm okay I'll compromise but he said he will never see a future with me and he's afraid of me being in the future “my kid my choice” to him a kid is a final thing and he's scared of what I might do. I feel offended but sad I wanted to reconcile he said he loves me so much, but I changed the whole core of our relationship. He says I pushed him to making it forever cause I said well if you see no future that means we can't be in each others life and he said that's fine but he loves me anyway. He wishes that I'd be forever there but no future :(.

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