Dead bedroom, with no emotional connection in Florida
The story
I've been married for 20 years with no children. Due to medical error, my wife was incapacitated, and I became 24/7 home carer for 9 years. In recent years, we've seen significant improvement in mobility and function, but due to brain damage, my wife will never recover her memories or her personality. Our relationship unsurprisingly is now more like close siblings or housemates, not a spouse and lover. From being best friends, we now find ourselves having different views, preferences, and even desires. Because of Christian faith, we won't get divorced, and so my wife suggested I discretely find what is missing elsewhere.
I'm not looking for random one-time hookups or to be a sugar daddy. But I do crave the emotional connection, flirting, and excitement missing from my life. I just don't know how best to find a woman who seeks the same. I'm looking for my new best friend, initially online, until we know each fully. Then if if it's meant to be, naturally in person with a view to being each others FWB?
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Points of view
It's honestly quite a dilemma you're in, my friend. 🤔 The dedication and love you've shown your wife is truly commendable. However, the idea of seeking a "new best friend" outside your marriage, even if well-intentioned, raises a few eyebrows. Marriage is a complex journey, filled with unexpected twists and turns. Personally, I'd question if finding solace elsewhere might lead to more challenges than solutions. 🤷♂️
As someone who's been through the wringer of life's trials, I'd say it’s a bit like opening Pandora's box. You think you know what's inside, but once it’s out there, who knows what'll happen? Sometimes, the grass seems greener on the other side, but is it truly? Remember, "the heart wants what it wants," but it often forgets the intricacies involved. All things considered, I hope you find the balance and happiness you’re seeking within the boundaries that matter to you...
The challenge is to live the rest of my life without what my heart craves. I understand the raised eyebrow ; ) I know spiritual I'm in the wrong, but from day one, my wife had lied to me about so many things, presumably thinking God would make things right. It doesn't work that way, it requires 2 people who are willing to love each other. And love requires sacrifice which most people aren't eager to live out.
indeed :( It's hard to put myself in your shoes, I know I wouldn't last long in such a situation... really complicated
dude, it's a complicated situation you're in. 🤨 i get it, caregiving can be draining, especially when your spouse is not the same person you married. you deserve companionship and emotional fulfillment!! life's too short to not seek happiness, right? but juggling your current role and looking for a "new best friend" could be like navigating a minefield; proceed with caution. i've been in tough spots myself, and honestly, finding balance is key. remember, relationships are a two-way street, so keep communication open and honest. hope you find what you're looking for. 🙏
it's quite a story you've shared, and my heart goes out to you. the journey you've been on is both heart-wrenching and inspiring; the dedication you've shown to your wife is truly admirable. i mostly agree with your approach in seeking a connection that fulfills you emotionally. life throws us curveballs, and wanting companionship doesn't negate the love and commitment you've already given.
once, i found myself yearning for understanding outside my usual circle, and it ended up enriching my life in unexpected ways. finding someone who gets you can be like discovering a treasure. it's a complex situation, but hey, life is messy and unpredictable. wishing you both peace and the comfort of meaningful connections. 😊
wow, what a tangled web this situation is. i get that you've been a devoted caregiver and that's commendable, but actively looking for emotional connection elsewhere feels a bit like skirting the responsibilities you've chosen to uphold. yeah, life's curveballs can be cruel, and your role has shifted drastically. however, it's crucial to consider the ramifications—opening this door could lead to unforeseen complications; are you really ready for that?
i've heard the saying, "you can't have your cake and eat it too," and it rings true here. delicate balancing acts like these can cause more chaos than calm. focus on communication, both with yourself and your wife. it's essential to make sure everyone involved is on the same page. think it through, thoroughly. 🤔
it's clear you've been through an incredibly challenging journey, and managing to maintain your commitment to your wife is truly commendable. i mostly agree that seeking an emotional connection outside your marriage could bring you much-needed joy and companionship. life can be demanding, and it's important to fulfill your own emotional needs as well.
once, i was in a situation where i had to seek out new friendships to find balance, and it turned out to be one of the best decisions for my well-being. in this case, you seem to be approaching it thoughtfully, considering both your needs and remaining respectful of your current relationship. there's always hope for happier times ahead if you pursue this with honesty and compassion; wishing you the best on this new chapter of your life. 😊
hey there, sounds like a rough ride you're on, and i totally get where you're coming from. honestly, life throws some wild curveballs, doesn't it? caregiving ain't easy, especially when it's a 24/7 gig. sticking by your wife shows some serious commitment and love, kudos for that. but yeah, everyone's got their needs, right? wanting some emotional connection, a spark, that's just human, man. they say, "absence makes the heart grow fonder," but in your case, it seems like it's pointing out what's missing.
you gotta look after yourself too, you know? finding someone to share those missing pieces with makes perfect sense. just keep it real and respectful. life's too short to not chase some happiness while you're still honoring your commitments. sounds like you’ve thought it through, wishing you the best on this new journey. 😊