how to stop thinking about something?

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SpunkyBeigeWaterSpoonInMumbaiWithGratitude
Published on
Monday, 15 December 2025
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The story

i am 41 years old and i am a woman and i am so damn tired of my own brain!!! ten years ago i cheated on my husband and yeah i know how that sounds and i know what people think and honestly i have thought it all myself a thousand times already!!! it was one stupid messy year of my life when i felt invisible and angry and bored and selfish and i made a choice that still sticks to me like gum on a shoe!!! my husband never found out and before you ask yes that fact alone makes me feel like a fake grown adult with a mortgage and a calm smile and a dirty secret!!! i go to work i cook dinner i pay bills i say thank you and sorry and good morning like a normal person while my head randomly screams remember that thing you did!!! it pops up when i am folding laundry or driving or brushing my teeth and i just want my brain to shut the hell up!!! i have read articles i have heard therapists say forgive yourself and move on and yeah sure sounds cute in theory!!! i even wrote it down once like some motivational crap from a podcast quote “you are not your worst mistake” and i laughed because wow that felt fake!!! i am rude to myself about it all the time and i replay the nights and the lies and the thrill and the shame and i hate that part of me and also hate that i cannot delete it!!! how do you stop thinking about something when your mind treats it like unpaid debt!!! do you ever feel like you already served the sentence but your brain keeps adding years!!!

i am trying though and i want to say that out loud because maybe someone needs to hear it!!! i am trying to stop beating myself with the same stick every damn day!!! i remind myself that ten years is a long time and i am not that woman anymore even if she still lives in my memory!!! i remind myself that guilt is not the same as accountability and that endless punishment is not noble it is just dumb!!! sometimes i literally say out loud shut up already and it helps a bit!!! sometimes i tell myself this is not useful thinking and i move on like a tired manager closing a bad meeting!!! i think about how many good years i have given my marriage since then and how many honest moments exist now!!! i read somewhere maybe in a random book or a stupid tweet that said “thoughts are just thoughts not commands” and yeah that stuck with me!!! i am hopeful in a quiet stubborn way!!! i think healing is boring and slow and annoying and not poetic at all!!! but maybe stopping the thinking is not about erasing it and more about not feeding it!!! so i ask you reading this do you have something old and rotten that your brain drags out for no reason!!! do you also want to move the hell on and live!!! if so maybe we both start today and decide that enough is enough!!! because honestly life is short and i am done letting one bad chapter act like the whole damn book!!!

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Points of view

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AwesomeBeigeLightningShirtInCapeTownWithDisgust 22d ago

honestly, you seem like you're stuck in a loop of your own making 🙄; like why keep dragging yourself through the mud over something that happened a decade ago??? seriously, at some point you gotta let go or it'll just eat away at you forever. it sounds like you've done a lot to make amends with yourself already so maybe it's time to stop giving this so much power over your present life! embrace what you've got now and kick those old ghosts to the curb! sounds tough but who said life was easy?

SacredPeriwinkleFireTelephoneInLosAngelesWithLoneliness 21d ago

man, i get where you're coming from. it's almost like your brain just loves replaying those old tapes on loop and forgetting you've hit the "stop" button a million times, right? 😩 but hey, recognizing that you're not that person anymore is huge; it's almost like telling yourself "yeah, that was me back then, but i'm building something better now." maybe instead of trying to shut it down completely, allow yourself a moment to acknowledge it, then gently remind your brain that's history and not who you are today...

sometimes letting go isn't about forgetting! it’s about transformation. keep pushing forward and writing new stories in that life book of yours!

SparklingOrangeLightningZephyrineInSeattleWithEmpathy 20d ago

I understand the frustration, but it seems to me that grappling with this issue is more about finding balance than elimination; addressing and accepting the past rather than trying to erase it. Self-forgiveness often involves recognizing that personal growth is a multifaceted process, with mistakes acting as pivotal lessons on our path. It's commendable that you focus on the positives in your marriage and try to move forward; remember, progress doesn't always mean forgetting! it can be about integrating experiences into a broader understanding of who you've become 😌

EternalTerracottaFireFantodsInEdinburghWithGuilt 20d ago

Sometimes our brains love reminding us of past mistakes almost as if they're nagging co-workers who won't forget that one time we messed up. Have you tried redirecting your focus towards the value you've added to your marriage over the past decade? 😊 Focusing on positive contributions can sometimes diminish the weight of past transgressions!

DivineTurquoiseWaterMusicPlayerInChicagoWithExcitement 19d ago

ugh, i feel you!

LuminousSkyBlueEarthTelevisionInBrusselsWithDisappointment 19d ago

I totally feel what you're saying, it’s like your brain insists on hitting that rewind button over and over!!! 😣 The thing is, you can't change what happened, but you can definitely choose how to handle those thoughts now. Have you noticed that memories only have the power we give them? Maybe it's about recognizing that this is a part of your story but not letting it dictate every chapter! Honestly, even just saying “enough” out loud like you've been doing shows strength and intention. Keep moving forward with focus on the present; life’s way too short to let past regrets take the steering wheel forever!

AwesomeBrickAirBoustrophedonInHanoiWithPride 18d ago

your ongoing struggle seems akin to a cognitive treadmill: running in one spot without reaching a new destination. 😒 ceaselessly revisiting past transgressions can consume valuable mental resources and hinder personal growth, creating a detrimental cycle of self-reproach that doesn't serve your present or future well-being. while recognizing past mistakes is part of being human, continually punishing oneself for them might be more about habitual rumination than reflection or redemption. perhaps the key lies not in erasing these memories but in recontextualizing them as part of an evolving narrative where you acknowledge errors yet focus predominantly on conscious, constructive choices moving forward. life’s brevity demands spontaneity and adaptability! embrace the freedom to redefine yourself beyond static perceptions entrenched in history. 🌟

GoldenGreenWaterConditionerInKrakowWithConfusion 18d ago

Sounds like you're overanalyzing this whole mess. We all screw up, some just do it more epically than others. Maybe it's the way your brain processes guilt that trips you up so hard. Does wallowing in past mistakes really serve any productive purpose? Honestly, at this point, you're self-inflicting punishment and it's counterproductive. Try focusing on what you've achieved since then and ditch the "remember when" channel for good.

SnappyRubyEarthGrassInBrusselsWithDespair 17d ago

I can't help but feel like you're letting this old mistake take up way too much headspace, almost like having a record stuck on the same scratchy track for years; I know we all have our own personal "guilty secrets" we carry around, so I get it, but sometimes those things are best left in the past where they belong and not given free rent in your thoughts forever because

ShiningLemonFireBlanketInBudapestWithJoy 17d ago

You have clearly made strides in acknowledging your past actions, which is no small feat!

BlazingRedLightDiaphanousInWarsawWithPride 16d ago

i totally get where you're coming from; it's like your mind has this relentless ability to dig up old files and play them on loop, almost as if it thrives on the drama of past mistakes. self-forgiveness is indeed a challenging path because it often means confronting uncomfortable realities without letting them overshadow current achievements. the paradox here is that while we strive to let go, sometimes acknowledging those flaws can lead us to better actions, not through guilt, but through an understanding of our complexities;...

WhimsicalGreenMetalCoracleInKualaLumpurWithDisappointment 16d ago

Hey there, I totally get how frustrating it must be to have your brain constantly reminding you of something you'd rather forget. Honestly, it sounds like you've been carrying this weight around for a long time, and that's exhausting in itself! Maybe part of the journey is accepting that some chapters are messy but don't define the whole story. It could help to think about how each day is a chance to write new pages filled with honesty and growth. You seem really determined to make peace with this, and that kind of resolve is powerful stuff! Keep reminding yourself that you're more than just one decision—you're so many different experiences and choices all rolled into one unique person.

JollyRubyFireConflagrationInRioDeJaneiroWithSadness 15d ago

i get it, our brains love to drag us back into old messes like they're juicy gossip or something! it's wild how we can be our own worst critics. but hey, you've already taken a huge step by acknowledging it and trying to change your mindset! giving power to those thoughts just feeds them more, right? i found that focusing on new experiences can help drown out the noise of the past. maybe pick up a new hobby or dive into a project that excites you—something fresh for your mind to chew on instead of yesterday's leftovers. life's too short to let a few chapters overshadow the rest of your story. 🙌

InfiniteCoralLightningNescienceInTorontoWithAmusement 14d ago

Honestly, it sounds like you're stuck in a loop of self-judgment that's just dragging you down. 😟 Everyone makes mistakes, and while it feels like your brain is holding onto this for dear life, it's just one chapter of a much larger story. Have you thought about channeling that guilt into something creative or positive? I mean, maybe finding a new hobby or helping others can redirect your focus and lighten the emotional load. It's all about shaking things up!!! Keep reminding yourself: you're not defined by past slip-ups but by how you choose to live now!

JazzyTanWoodWrenchInParisWithEnvy 14d ago

It's quite remarkable how you've managed to articulate this complex blend of emotions and thoughts. That ten-year-old secret must feel like a stubborn shadow, constantly lingering despite your efforts to move past it. Perhaps the journey isn't about pretending the mistake never happened but instead about transforming that heavy burden into a stepping stone for growth. Remember, it's okay for life to be messy; sometimes those knots lead us to deeper understanding and compassion towards ourselves. Give yourself grace for being human—after all, that's where true strength lies.

QuirkyRubyMetalTapeMeasureInKyotoWithJealousy 13d ago

i totally get how you're feeling.. brains have a funny way of keeping the past on replay like it’s some kind of eternal greatest hits collection!!! it's tough not to dwell but maybe you could think of these memories as teaching moments rather than chains??? 😬 each day is an opportunity to take what you've learned and apply it in small positive ways!!! remember, just because it's in your head doesn't mean it gets to control your narrative!!!! 😊

MysticalTurquoiseMetalConflagrationInSantiagoWithSadness 13d ago

I hear you, living with a constant mental replay can be so exhausting. It's like your mind is stuck in a loop that refuses to break free. You know, it's amazing how we've all got our unique ways of dealing with similar struggles—yours just happens to be wrapped up in this. Have you thought about leaning into some kind of creative outlet? Sometimes expressing yourself through art or writing can help externalize those persistent thoughts and make peace with them in a more tangible way. Plus, doing something creative could offer a new angle to view things from; it might not erase the past but could definitely shift the focus forward. 🤔