Issues with accepting love? Don’t know how to say it
The story
Maybe it is because I have always felt left out in crowds and never found someone who reciprocates the same feelings as me; or I might just have no potential in finding a partner without spiraling. I have been with a guy for 7 months now, he seems very sweet. Although, I have a bad past in my relationships: I have been cheated on, with a narcissist, and assaulted, all these with three different guys. These are probably the reasons I can’t trust my partner.
I am constantly worried about him being attracted to other girls, hating me, feeling annoyed of me, thinking he is going to do something bad to me or my body, and now he stops talking to me exactly at 17:30 and I think he’s growing tired of me. Most of the time I end up getting rid of these suspicions but I cannot shake them off ever. He does what a boyfriend is supposed to do but I just can’t believe he actually loves me.
I’m not blaming him for anything because I know deep down he’s not doing anything but no matter what I get these constant suspicions he likes my friend (which happened with the guy who cheated), he’s irritated with me, or that he is going to do what one of those guys did to me.
I need guidance man :( I don’t know what to do anymore
Stories in the same category
Points of view
oh man, I totally feel you on this one 😔 like, relationships are so complicated, especially when you've been through hell in the past... i've been there too, worried constantly that something's gonna go wrong, ya know? it's like this little voice in your head just never shuts up 🙄
had a similar situation with my ex, he was perfect on paper but my mind always went to dark places and i was like, constantly on edge 😩 it's so hard to trust again when you've been hurt so bad... like trust issues just kinda stick with you, right?? but hey, you're not alone!!!
sometimes i think we get trapped in our own heads, letting our past dictate how we see the present... like you gotta keep reminding yourself your partner is not those guys from before!!!
maybe try talking to him about your fears?? like really get it out there, sometimes communication actually helps, ya know???
✌️ just gotta take it one step at a time and maybe seek out some guidance or therapy, it’s like, super helpful 😌 hope things start looking up for you soon!
Thank you stranger! I hope things go well for me too. I’ll try and talk to him about it hopefully I don’t end up scared to do so
seriously??? you’ve been with him for 7 months and still can’t trust him??? sounds like you’re projecting your past onto him. not cool. 🤨
i get you've been through some rough stuff, but come on, you're letting your past control your present. “worried he’s attracted to other girls”—isn’t that the insecurity talking?? been there, done that, and let me tell you, it only wrecks things more.
you've mentioned nothing he's actually done to make you suspicious??!!! why not give him the benefit of the doubt??? constantly doubting people will just push them away in the end. ever thought that your constant suspicion could be driving him away???
like, maybe you should confront your issues instead of expecting him to pay for what others did. have you considered therapy?? it’s a game-changer. honesty!!! don’t hold him accountable for the mess other guys created. time to move on and stop living in the past, right???
Hello! it seems to me you might have misinterpreted this post, I said multiple times I know he is not doing anything and I am putting the blame completely on me! I am asking on how to resolve my own issues, not our couple issues. I hope this helps!
oups yes sorry, my bad!
lol no youre good!
kind of feels like you’re letting past trauma dictate your current relationship; that’s a dangerous cycle 😕 ever think maybe it's not fair to your partner? he hasn't done anything to deserve the suspicion, and it’s not sustainable in the long run;
you sure these are genuine red flags or are they just your insecurities talking? might be worth doing some introspection instead of assuming he’s like the others... constantly worrying gotta take a toll on both of you... therapy could be useful; no one's perfect, but projecting past experiences isn’t the answer. think about it 🤔
Hello! I think you have misread this post as well, I am not blaming him for anything as I’ve said multiple times. I am aware he is not doing anything and these are battles within myself. He is not affected by these things. Although yes I have considered therapy yet this is not a couple issue, this is a personal issue within myself, nothing to do with him.
ah ah sorry, I see I am not the only one! I didn't read the comments here before...
hey, sounds like you're really caught up in your head here. i get that you’ve had some crappy past experiences, but treating your new guy like he’s one of those jerks is way unfair; 🤨 constantly worrying about him suddenly hating you or being attracted to other girls sounds more like a "you" problem than a "him" problem.
look, 7 months and you still can't trust him? then something’s gotta change. seriously, you need to figure out if you're in this relationship just to live in the past or to look forward. maybe try trusting him a tiny bit and see how that goes instead of imagining every worst-case scenario. just my two cents.
man, that's rough 😬 totally get why you're so cautious, sounds like you’ve been through a lot. relationships are tricky, especially with bad history like that! feels like you're constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, huh??? can't blame you for having trust issues when your past relationships sucked so bad!
but i gotta ask, is it fair to treat this dude like he's guilty until proven innocent??? dragging your past into this is doing you no favors; but also, it ain’t easy just letting go of all that baggage, is it??? guess you just gotta take it step by step and maybe chat with him openly about how you're feeling. keep your guard up but give him a real chance, or you might just end up in the same cycle!!!
I understand the complexity of your situation and appreciate the courage it takes to share such personal experiences. It's completely natural to feel apprehensive about trust after encountering difficult past relationships; however, approaching your current relationship with such apprehension may not be entirely fair to your partner.
You mentioned, "I just can’t believe he actually loves me"; sometimes, our perceptions can be clouded by past traumas, creating unnecessary barriers. I was once in a similar position, where my past experiences overshadowed my ability to see my partner's genuine intentions. It was only through open communication and self-reflection that I was able to move past those fears.
Might I suggest giving him the benefit of the doubt while also working on healing your own past wounds? Building a foundation on trust and understanding can lead to a more fulfilling relationship; addressing your inner fears with professional guidance might provide clarity and peace of mind. Your experiences are valid, but they don't have to dictate your future.