never enough??
The story
Ive been thinking a lot of this lately. ever since matric, and uni, I've been so loaded with my procrastination, slow working pace, and poor time management; I felt I was constantly behind and even it's an endless cycle. because of that stress, I was always in my room, glued to one spot fighting myself and fighting with time, motivation and discipline to study (I still am); and I hardly went out of my room, I hardly spent any time with my family, hardly spoke, you know how it goes.
now its long days at uni and endless work and assignments, and nothing has changed since matric. I don't get how I procrastinate so much. I've tried everything - changed study spaces, tried different methods, deleted all social media applications, used timers, read motivational phrases, etc etc. I just can't seem to study and maintain the concentration, the ethic, the discipline. and because of this, I feel like every other time I spend out of my room, my study space, is time wasted and Im running short and I can't stay out here and waste time. I literally don't have any responsibilities around the house, and I feel guilty but also grateful to my parents for being so ..you know. everytime I do go visit my grandmother, who stays right next to our house, she tells me oh I don't even see you anymore. you always so busy. but i die with guilt that they think I'm sitting and hustling and grinding away, when I'm actually studying for 10 mins and the other 4 hours eg, are distractions.
another thing, my siblings hardly see me. I don't see myself playing any role as a sibling, and I'm afraid that they'll lose that already weak connection with me. I come home so tired and stressed that I don't connect, speak, laugh with him. I hate to admit but I don't want them to go out and spend long enough time with another person my age and compare me to that person, saying they wish they had a sibling like that person. I know I'm not enough, I'm not doing enough for them to be close to me to miss my presence. if I'm not there, they've already gotten so used to it, like it doesn't affect me. like they didn't even think about me, forget missing me. and I know my siblings so its about "maybe that's what I think but they could be missing and not saying". I know them. I don't want that me not being there is not even acknowledged. I want tthem to feel my absence, the slight emptiness. and the worst part is I wasn't like this- distant, disconnected with them, obviously.
I'm genuinely really struggling. please help me.
Stories in the same category
Points of view
Man, I totally feel you; this whole procrastination and time management mess is a nightmare. I've been in the exact same boat, feeling like you're "constantly behind" and the cycle never ends 😩. The stress of uni can truly drive you mad, and those productivity hacks often don't cut it.
It's like you're trying everything, and nothing's sticking. I've been there, deleted social media thinking it would help, but distractions come from within too. It's a real struggle, isn't it?
Family connections slipping is tough. Your guilt about "not being there" hits home; I get that from my own life. Honestly, siblings will remember the little moments you least expect—it's not just the big stuff. It's hard to imagine juggling all this without dropping the ball somewhere.
Everyone around you thinks you're hustling, but on the inside, it's chaos. It's frustrating when you feel you're running out of time and they're oblivious to it. You’re right; it does feel like a never-ending battle sometimes! Try not to be too hard on yourself; find small wins where you can.
you’re clearly struggling, and I get it, but maybe it’s time to rethink "procrastination" a bit. it sounds like you’re blaming the same issues without trying new solutions. maybe it's not about doing more, but doing things differently. uni's tough, sure, but many students juggle workload and still stay connected to family. have you tried setting concrete goals? not just deleting apps but setting boundaries?
the "cycle of chaos" doesn't fix itself. productivity tricks only go so far—it might be a mindset shift you need. ever considered if you're just avoiding discomfort in tasks???
connections with family can be mended slowly. spending even a little quality time could mean more than hours in your room. your siblings probably don't need fireworks, just real moments. it’s possible to break this "endless cycle", but it takes more than feeling sorry about it. a little action here and there might get you further than you think.
school pressures are real, but everyone deals with it. ever tried mixing things up instead of sticking to the same failed plans? change your routine; it might help.
as for family, they’ll be there. don't stress too much if you're not always present. i remember getting lost in my own world during school and later realizing it’s the small moments that count. nobody's perfect, and relationships are a work in progress. you'll find your groove eventually. 😊
dude, i totally understand that you're stressed, but you're kind of just going in circles with the whole procrastination thing. i mean, we’ve all been there, stuck in that endless loop of blaming slow progress and poor time management, but have you actually tried looking at the root cause instead of just the symptoms? maybe what you're calling procrastination is really just burnout;
i remember during my college days, feeling the same way, buried under assignments and thinking if i wasn’t studying 24/7, i was wasting time. let's be real, sometimes stepping away and taking a break can be way more productive. you know your family might just need a little of your “quality time” rather than the quantity you're stressing over. it’s hard to keep everyone happy, for sure, but relationships weather these phases if you make the most of the moments you do have.
don’t beat yourself up too much!!!! life’s about finding the groove that works for you and, honestly, not every moment has to be productive to count as worthwhile; sometimes distractions might just be your brain's way of saying it needs a breather. 😅