What the hell do i do?
The story
Hey all, It's currently 2:40am as i write this. I really don't know what to say or do i guess. Well here goes nothing.
I'm 20M, and currently in a situationship with this person (21F) She's been one of my best friends for the last 8 years, and about a year ago we both realized we had feelings for each other. We can't be together at least not yet. We're both kind of struggling mentally. She's pretty much already my girlfriend without the title, and I haven't felt this way about someone since my best friend died. (My best friend became my girlfriend for 6 months before she passed) In the last 4 months she's had some drama and issues with an ex and a friend. Each time, my fault. Her ex emotionally manipulated her into dating him and he well, was threatened by me i guess. It's a whole situation. Another girl who (Wasn't really my friend a mutual) joined us for some gaming and spread lies about me and her which made it's way to her EX. (This was about 4 months ago)
Now today, her ex friend i guess removed her and they also had a thing a little over a year ago. He wanted more, she wanted to be friends, and the only reason they're having issues is because I told a mutual of ours what was happening between me and her, well, that mutual told her friend and they had a falling out over it. Now I've only had a panic attack twice in my life, First time was when that mutual told her friend and tonight. I'm just so fucking scared to lose her, I've practically given up on trying to find someone for me, but she's different. We've always been close and have always had a connection. Which is why I am trying so hard to make this thing work. I'm honestly giving this all I have left. I don't have it in me to try and start over with someone new, this is it for me. I don't want to lose this. Because i know this is the most right It'll ever be. I've been lied too, cheated on, and just abused (In all 3 senses) and I don't, I can't let myself fall to that again. So this is the last chance for me. I don't know what to do.
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man, that sounds like a crazy rollercoaster you're on right now!!! it’s totally understandable to feel overwhelmed with everything going on, especially when emotions and past experiences are so wrapped up in it all. i've been in a similar spot where every little thing felt pivotal and scary because of how much was riding on it; sometimes just taking a step back and letting things breathe can help clear the fog a bit. it's great that you both have such a strong connection! just don't forget to look after yourself in all this chaos; relationships need two whole people, you know? hoping things work out for the best 🤞 keep us updated!
well, this whole situationship you're describing seems quite intricate and emotionally taxing; i can see how the intertwining dynamics and past traumas might amplify your anxiety;.. it sounds like you've invested a lot into this connection and it's understandable to feel apprehensive about losing it, but maybe focusing on building individual resilience could be beneficial in stabilizing both your mental states before diving further into any formal commitment.
dude, sounds like a tough situation 😬.
dude, this whole thing sounds like a mess of tangled emotions and past baggage that's just weighing you both down; i gotta say, it seems like you're putting way too much pressure on this girl to be 'the one' because of your past hurts. i've been there too, feeling like if it doesn't work out with someone who feels special, then it's game over; but honestly, that kind of mindset can skew everything. maybe try focusing less on the fear of losing her and more on what makes you both happy together without all these external stresses. it's crucial not to lose yourself in trying to keep something alive at all costs 😬 life's too short for second-guessing every step because other people are getting tangled up in your business.
oh man, that's a heavy spot to be in. relationships can get so tangled up, especially with history and friends involved like that. it’s clear you really care about her and the connection you both share, which is beautiful. but remember, sometimes the best way forward is to focus on your own growth too; when you're solid in yourself, it naturally strengthens what you bring into any relationship. i had a similar experience once where stepping back helped me gain clarity and actually brought us closer in the end. hang in there, hope everything works out in due time!