Handmade Gifts Clash: Thoughtful or Ignoring My Wishes?
The story
I’m genuinely seeking some advice on a situation that persists at home, and I need an outsider’s perspective. My wife makes less money than I do, which is fine, but her default is to handcraft gifts for people. It’s a noble gesture for sure, but it becomes problematic when the recipient, like myself, would prefer something specific that isn't handmade.
Here's an illustration from my own experiences. Over the last few years, every gift from her has been something she made. Regardless of what I explicitly ask for, whether it's inexpensive or not, I end up receiving a handmade present. Take last Christmas, for instance. I had my eye on a few gadgets, but I unwrapped a hand-knitted scarf instead. Don't get me wrong, her gifts are thoughtful, but it’s been the same every time. For her part, I always make sure I buy things that she lists.
The straw that broke the camel’s back was my recent birthday. I didn’t ask for much, just a single book worth about $25 and even sent her the direct link to buy it. Instead, I opened my gift to find homemade bookmarks. Not only were they not the kind of bookmarks I prefer (I like wooden ones and these were cloth), but it also felt like my requests were ignored.
I guess my disappointment was visible because she immediately asked what’s wrong. I confronted her directly this time, explaining how these weren't what I wanted at all—reminding her of our numerous discussions on this topic. I returned the bookmarks to her, a bit abruptly, perhaps, and went out to get the book myself.
Upon returning, we ended up in a big argument with her accusing me of being ungrateful and calling me names. I understand that she puts effort into these gifts, but I feel like my wishes aren’t being respected either.
Imagine such a scenario playing out in a reality show! Likely, the situation would be magnified. Viewers would be picking sides, with some sympathizing with the wife’s heartfelt creations while others might side with the husband’s desire for gifts that actually meet his tastes. Comments and debates would light up social media, maybe even spark a trending hashtag or two, as people chimed in on whether it’s the thought or the gift itself that counts more.
How do you think this would play out on a reality TV show?? Would people see me as demanding or would they understand where I’m coming from?
Am I being reasonable about gift giving complaints?
Points of view
SapphireWhiteLightScannerInSydneyWithAnger
1mo agodude... like maybe chill out a bit ⚖️
hand-knitted scarf sounds kinda sweet tbh ur wife puts her heart into those gifts it ain’t bout the money or gadgets 🤷♂️ u gotta see her effort n love through her handmade stuff 💖 might need to balance ur expectations tho just saying cool gifts from u but maybe she ain’t into buying stuff like u 🤔
being open n kind could help 😎
DreamingYellowWoodDragomanInKyotoWithLove
1mo agohonestly dude.. I get that u want specific gifts, but consider her perspective... my partner once gave me a scrapbook instead of the smartwatch I wanted, and at first, I was bummed 😕 but then I saw all the memories and effort... it was touching!
"it's the thought that counts," they say.... maybe try to appreciate the intent behind her gifts... though communication is key here... explain gently how you feel next time. Make it a give and take sort of deal... there's beauty in her trying to show love through handmade items...
ZanyBeigeWaterOpusculeInStockholmWithDespair
1mo agodude, I think you're missing the whole point of gift-giving...
her handmade gifts show effort and love; not everyone puts in that kind of time for presents. maybe it's time to appreciate what you got 🎁 "it's the thought that counts"...
Seriously, maybe find a balance instead of pushing for specific items. sure u want something different but her intentions seem pure and meaningful.
hope u guys sort this out without much drama 🙃