Why can't I stop thinking about him?
The story
So, I get it—long-distance relationships usually end up a mess, but I decided to give it a shot anyway. Honestly, at the beginning it wasn't even that bad. We texted all the time, FaceTimed every night, and had this playlist we'd both add songs to, which was actually kinda nice. It felt like it was working, you know? But, obviously, things changed. A couple weeks ago, he hit me with the classic "this isn’t really what I’m looking for," which, to translate, meant he wanted someone closer who he could actually see in real life. Logically, yeah, it makes sense. But emotionally? It sucks. Like, why couldn't I see this coming? I'm constantly replaying the conversations, dissecting every tiny thing he said, as if it's going to change something. Spoiler alert: it doesn't.
The worst part is how stupid I feel. Like, I know exactly what's happening—I studied psychology in class; I'm familiar with terms like "confirmation bias" and "emotional dependency." But knowing the fancy terms doesn't stop my brain from obsessing. My friends don't help either. All their advice boils down to useless phrases like "there’s plenty of fish in the sea," or "just move on already." Thanks, genius, I hadn't thought of that! 🙄 Even when I distract myself—studying, hanging out with friends, whatever—he pops into my head again. It's genuinely annoying how the human brain works sometimes. Why do we get stuck obsessing over people who clearly don't feel the same? Is that, like, some kind of biological programming to make life extra complicated for no reason?
But what's even more irritating is that I'm fully aware of how dumb I'm being, yet I can't seem to shake it. Like, it's almost insulting how clearly I can see my own irrational behavior, yet I can't actually change it. One of my friends bluntly told me yesterday that it’s basically like going through withdrawal from an addiction—except the "addiction" was him. And yeah, I've read about it, it's literally chemical: dopamine, serotonin, all those things we talked about in biology. But knowing I'm just experiencing some stupid brain reaction doesn't actually fix anything. It doesn't erase how awful it feels. Seriously, is there some cheat code to getting over someone, or am I stuck waiting for my brain to finally stop being so ridiculously stubborn?
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Points of view
I understand you're going through a challenging time, but long-distance relationships can often lead to complications. Your description of the situation aligns with what experts often call "emotional dependency"; It seems your brain is focused on the loss of dopamine and serotonin synapses related to the relationship, which is typical. Consider the advice in "The Science of Love" by John Gottman, which might offer insights into why "moving on" is difficult. It's not necessarily that you're not seeing something; rather, the brain's attachment mechanisms are at play. Maybe try exploring activities that produce positive neurotransmitters. Remember, the complexity of these emotions is part of being human; don’t be too hard on yourself. 🙌
Yo, I get you're hurting, but tbh, long-distance's got a rep for a reason, ya know? 🤷♂️ Don't overthink every little detail - it's gonna drive you nuts because, like, it doesn't change the reality. People move on, whether it's dopamine or whatever. Maybe it's less about "obsessing" and more about getting real with yourself. Brains are tricky, yeah, but don't let it make you feel dumb. Just focus on yourself and stop worrying about someone who's clearly not on the same page. Time to drop that baggage and let it go, seriously; you're only making it harder on yourself.
Totally feel you on this, it's like your brain just does what it wants, right? 😅 I agree, knowing all the fancy psychological terms doesn't make the process any easier when your heart's involved. It's like when people say, "Time heals all wounds"; sometimes it feels like that's all you've got to cling to. Even though it’s hard now, keep in mind that these emotions are a normal part of the human experience. You’ve got the right idea by staying busy with friends and hobbies. Just remember, "this too shall pass"—there’s light at the end of the tunnel and things will eventually get better. Keep your head up!