*New

I have an urge to try being poetic when trying to write about myself and if I don't fight it i've had moments where I've generated twice as much text as chat jippity is allowed to in one prompt on a few occassions (so that totals ~30k characters, in an hour or two).

My goal to live a long life is underway, so whatever else I can do in the meantime is a mere addition. I do not travel outside of routine spots, I do not engage with people without a clear mutual benefit, I do not alter my experience with any equilibrium-disturbing dead matters, recreative medicines or narcotics so to say. I'm by the majority vote still very young, 21 years, aiming, unreasonably and religiously, for seven times that or so. I figure, if anything, it's the one thing worth overestimating.

In order to avoid '30k-ing', or testing out the limits of the submission prompt box, I'll skim over the last 3 years, hopping a bit back and forth, starting at HS graduation. COVID shrunk my chances of developing connections, which on first year I've shrunk by my own means. Graduation was the only time I've had group photos with classmates, and past that I merely occasionally 'see', in its literal sense, so I notice elements resembling the elements of my classmates in the crowds of Warsaw, sometimes. This is the part where I mention I'm not a native english speaker, so in case my english reads odd, just know my native tongue sounds to people around me just as odd. Continuing: I've had a habit of giving art feedback to strangers on Discord. Not out of good will, but out of the drive for self improvement - it's worked wonderfully, I have no qualms to openly deem myself a comic artist to strangers, which I'd cringe in horror if I were to attempt in high school. Condensing, condensing, compressing, stitching... I've gone to college, I've quit because of anxiety and low hopes for the future, I've gotten a job to give me a number of 20 months of experience on my CV, quit that job because of low hopes for the future, had a 1.5 turns car rollover at 120km/h on a curve listening to aggressive music from musical artists less optimistic than me, which digging out from under the dirt I've had a big scratch across my chest. That was from when my cat jumped off of me like a week prior. The crash itself did no harm to me, as I was sat in the least damaged part of the car. I'm now enrolled in a daily college and weekend college, right before christmas, dazed by today's fumbled calculus exam, and confused by that being the most commonly shared experience by co-students, worried about my inactivity in regards to artistic endeavors. No one shares that sentiment, I think that's on me. I send 'merry christmas' to at least one acquaintance since 2023. We cannot connect the rest of the year because of my otherness. They've tried drawing and I really encourage drawing to anyone I meet, but no one has as much continuity and narrowness of thought as I've had whilst learning. I suspect that is because of the amount of humans we connect to - the less humans are on my mind, the better my focus and keenness. Great artists must've been very asocial if that is a universal relationship of art and us. I justify my strangeness with a haphazard attempt at finding the optimal spot between the two, art and us.

Golly this needs to be approved my a human before going anonymously public. I apologise then, I hope it is not already too much. I wish for, kind of, anything. I like humans and our languages, it's a shame there seems to be such a hard limit on that. I've not nearly exhausted my thoughts yet... dot dot dot. Maybe I just suck at ending things

PS. Ad. 'already too much' - it absolutely is. I wonder if I could get around that, anyway anyhow. 2026 goal perhaps. Cheers

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