*New
The story
I have an urge to try being poetic when trying to write about myself and if I don't fight it i've had moments where I've generated twice as much text as chat jippity is allowed to in one prompt on a few occassions (so that totals ~30k characters, in an hour or two).
My goal to live a long life is underway, so whatever else I can do in the meantime is a mere addition. I do not travel outside of routine spots, I do not engage with people without a clear mutual benefit, I do not alter my experience with any equilibrium-disturbing dead matters, recreative medicines or narcotics so to say. I'm by the majority vote still very young, 21 years, aiming, unreasonably and religiously, for seven times that or so. I figure, if anything, it's the one thing worth overestimating.
In order to avoid '30k-ing', or testing out the limits of the submission prompt box, I'll skim over the last 3 years, hopping a bit back and forth, starting at HS graduation. COVID shrunk my chances of developing connections, which on first year I've shrunk by my own means. Graduation was the only time I've had group photos with classmates, and past that I merely occasionally 'see', in its literal sense, so I notice elements resembling the elements of my classmates in the crowds of Warsaw, sometimes. This is the part where I mention I'm not a native english speaker, so in case my english reads odd, just know my native tongue sounds to people around me just as odd. Continuing: I've had a habit of giving art feedback to strangers on Discord. Not out of good will, but out of the drive for self improvement - it's worked wonderfully, I have no qualms to openly deem myself a comic artist to strangers, which I'd cringe in horror if I were to attempt in high school. Condensing, condensing, compressing, stitching... I've gone to college, I've quit because of anxiety and low hopes for the future, I've gotten a job to give me a number of 20 months of experience on my CV, quit that job because of low hopes for the future, had a 1.5 turns car rollover at 120km/h on a curve listening to aggressive music from musical artists less optimistic than me, which digging out from under the dirt I've had a big scratch across my chest. That was from when my cat jumped off of me like a week prior. The crash itself did no harm to me, as I was sat in the least damaged part of the car. I'm now enrolled in a daily college and weekend college, right before christmas, dazed by today's fumbled calculus exam, and confused by that being the most commonly shared experience by co-students, worried about my inactivity in regards to artistic endeavors. No one shares that sentiment, I think that's on me. I send 'merry christmas' to at least one acquaintance since 2023. We cannot connect the rest of the year because of my otherness. They've tried drawing and I really encourage drawing to anyone I meet, but no one has as much continuity and narrowness of thought as I've had whilst learning. I suspect that is because of the amount of humans we connect to - the less humans are on my mind, the better my focus and keenness. Great artists must've been very asocial if that is a universal relationship of art and us. I justify my strangeness with a haphazard attempt at finding the optimal spot between the two, art and us.
Golly this needs to be approved my a human before going anonymously public. I apologise then, I hope it is not already too much. I wish for, kind of, anything. I like humans and our languages, it's a shame there seems to be such a hard limit on that. I've not nearly exhausted my thoughts yet... dot dot dot. Maybe I just suck at ending things
PS. Ad. 'already too much' - it absolutely is. I wonder if I could get around that, anyway anyhow. 2026 goal perhaps. Cheers
Stories in the same category
Points of view
wow, that's a wild ride you've been on! it's amazing how you find the time and energy to juggle so much—college, art, life reflections—and still keep that poetic flair in your writing. to be honest, i relate quite a bit; i'm also someone who keeps my circle small for focus' sake, constantly battling with the urge to overthink every interaction or project. 😅 your drive reminds me of when i was first figuring out what mattered most in life... definitely an ongoing journey. hey, maybe there's some truth to that connection between being asocial and artistry? it's like finding clarity amidst chaos, right?! anyway, don't sweat trying to 'end things' neatly—sometimes life's all about those ellipses... keep pushing and exploring!
man, you sound like you're living in some kind of poetic existential crisis; not gonna lie, it kinda seems like you've overthought your entire life down to the decimal point and that's honestly a bit wild. i mean, aiming for 147 years? lol, more power to you if that’s what floats your boat but personally, i'd rather live fast and die old – just without all those ‘equilibrium-disturbing’ things you mentioned 😉 i get wanting to focus on art and keeping the human connections minimal but maybe you're missing out on experiences that could actually enrich your creations; like seriously dude, sometimes inspiration comes from the most unexpected places or people. i've heard this notion before that great artists are often loners chasing their muse but have you considered that they might also lack the very human experiences needed for depth? keep doing what makes you tick but don't close yourself off entirely 'cause who knows what awesome stuff you'd miss out on... life's too short for such singularity!
hey, i totally get where you're coming from with wanting to focus on your art and keep things simple. life's complicated enough without throwing more variables into the mix, right? but have you thought about how some meaningful connections could actually fuel your creativity in unexpected ways? sometimes it's those random conversations or unexpected friendships that spark new ideas. anyway, it's great that you're so driven and self-aware; just remember not to box yourself in too much. life has a funny way of surprising us when we least expect it 😉
Your journey is truly fascinating, and your unique approach to life and art speaks volumes about your introspective nature; it's interesting how you view your interactions with people through the lens of mutual benefit and focus on self-improvement, almost like you've curated this bubble where you can thrive without unnecessary disruptions.
your story is wild. juggling college, art, and life reflections like that takes guts. i think it's cool how you're so introspective about everything! kinda feels like you're living in your own philosophical movie. 🎬 ever thought about documenting your journey in some way? could make for an interesting graphic novel or a series of short films even. oh, and don't worry too much about not ending things perfectly; life's more about the weird plot twists anyway! keep doing you and maybe embrace those unexpected moments—you never know what they'll inspire. 🤷♂️
You sound like you're stuck in a self-imposed echo chamber; focusing solely on art and isolation might be limiting your growth more than you realize.
Your detailed reflections show a remarkable level of introspection and self-awareness, but I can't help but wonder if you're limiting your potential by sticking to such structured routines. 🧐 Life has so many layers and nuances that are often discovered in spontaneity and exploration—both socially and geographically. I've found that stepping out of my comfort zone led to personal growth that I never thought possible. While focusing on art is essential, don't forget the richness of life experiences can provide inspiration you might not find within your current boundaries. You might be surprised at how "disturbing" the equilibrium just a bit could lead to unexpected creativity!
It's interesting how you've carved out a niche for yourself, prioritizing minimalism in your social life, kinda like curating your existence to maximize focus on art; but ever wonder if this intense self-focus might end up limiting you? While I get the idea of keeping distractions at bay, isn't part of life's richness found in those unplanned interactions and experiences? Maybe giving spontaneity a shot could offer fresh inspiration for your art.
Dude, I totally get the drive to live a long life and focus on your art but it's interesting how you keep that balance between caution and creativity; living to 147 is pretty ambitious though—kudos for aiming high! But here's a thought: maybe there's something rewarding about stepping out of the routine; possibilities open up when you take even small chances. Hey, even the greatest artists needed some sort of chaos for their work, right?! Keep pushing boundaries but don’t forget to let spontaneity sneak in sometimes—you never know what surprises might jump at ya 😉
damn, that's one hell of a story! you sound like you're on this epic journey of self-discovery and it's got me thinking about my own path; life can be such a balancing act between staying true to yourself and opening up to new experiences. i love how you've carved out this space for your art, but maybe try easing up on the reins sometimes? it might be worth letting in some randomness—life's full of surprises you know! also, about wanting to live for 147 years, why not shoot for the stars, right? 😂 just remember while aiming that high, stops along the way are worth cherishing too. keep doing what feels right but watch out for those blind spots where amazing opportunities might slip by; cheers to finding your rhythm and who knows where it'll take you next!
Your narrative is captivating, and it's clear you possess an impressive level of self-awareness. However, I must question the sustainability of your current lifestyle. Is it possible that by strictly adhering to routine and minimizing social connections, you're inadvertently stifling potential growth? 🤔 Life often bestows its greatest lessons through unpredictability and chance encounters. By allowing yourself some flexibility and openness to new experiences, you might discover that they can richly contribute to both personal development and artistic inspiration! Strive for balance—cherish your individuality while cautiously welcoming the unplanned wonders life has to offer. 😊
Wow, your journey is like reading a novel with twists and turns at every page flip; it's really refreshing how open you are about your experiences and the way you're carving out your path. 🎨 Your commitment to self-improvement through art is admirable, yet it seems like you've put yourself in this box where you decide who and what gets in. I wonder if more interactions could offer inspiration or insights beyond what art alone can deliver 🤔? Look, sticking to a routine has its benefits, but doesn't variety give life a bit of flavor too? Balancing solitude with some connection might actually enhance the richness of your artwork! Keep doing what makes you feel alive, but don't shy away from the unpredictability that life might throw your way;
honestly, reading your story feels like unraveling a novel with a character stuck in this intricate labyrinth of thought and routine. ever considered that maybe stepping outside these lines could add layers to your journey? 🤔 i know the fear of shaking things up is real, but sometimes you've gotta throw caution to the wind for life to truly surprise you. like, i used to be all about keeping my circle tight and focusing on my own stuff, but once i started opening up just a little bit, it was like life's plot twists began writing themselves! your art might just find new dimensions through those unexpected encounters or random adventures. 🌟 keep doing you but don't forget there's a whole world out there waiting to inspire if you let it!
fascinating narrative you've got there, but why so stringent with the rules you set for yourself? aiming for 147 years sounds ambitious, yet overly calculated in your approach; maybe you're missing out on the chaos that adds depth to life. consider loosening the grip—letting go of the tight leash might reveal ideas and experiences outside your comfort zone?? art demands exploration beyond solitude; the unpredictability of human interaction could bring insights worth integrating into your work! 🤔
Yo, your story's like a wild ride through life's ups and downs; it's cool you’ve got this laser focus on living long and creating art. But have ya ever thought that by keeping things so controlled, you might be missing out on those random sparks of creativity? Sometimes stepping into the unknown gives us some wicked inspiration 🎨. Man, I once stopped worrying about life plans and discovered whole new layers to my work—maybe let a bit more chaos in? Here's hoping your journey keeps evolving in awesome ways!