Balancing Education Funds: Am I Being Fair to My Kids?
The story
I have two kids with my wife. When they were young, my parents generously set up education funds for both of them.
My wife and I always expected our kids to go to college and then grad school, just like we did. I have a PhD and my wife has a master’s degree. Because of this, we decided not to use the funds for their undergrad degrees and didn’t tell them about the money.
My daughter has always been into liberal arts, while my son is more of a STEM guy. We worried about her job prospects, but she insisted on studying music and film in college. She got into some top schools and chose an expensive one, but she had scholarships covering almost all tuition. Everything else, plus living expenses, was her responsibility. She lived in a tiny apartment shared with friends in a rough area far from campus, but she managed and learned to budget effectively. After graduating, she found a job she enjoys, though it doesn’t pay much, and gave up on grad school.
My son decided on engineering and also didn’t want to go to grad school. We were disappointed but accepted it since he’s lined up for a great job after school. He didn’t get as many scholarships as his sister, so we used his education fund for his tuition and living expenses. He got a large, nice apartment close to school, which is important given his demanding classes.
My daughter was confused about how he could afford this and he told her about the education fund. She called us, upset, asking why she didn’t get one. We told her she did, but we saved it hoping she’d go to grad school. She seemed hurt and asked if she could have the money now. We explained there’d be a fee to withdraw the money for non-education uses, and if we did that, it would go back to her grandparents for their use. Since then, she’s been short in her texts and hasn’t answered our calls. I know it seems unfair to her, but it’s not really her money and she’s not in college anymore. Her brother got it for educational purposes only. Am I wrong?
How would people react if this situation was on a reality show? Would viewers side with my daughter or understand my perspective and the importance of using the funds as intended?
Am I wrong for not using my daughter's education fund for her undergraduate expenses?
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Points of view
Holy shit...
I know, right? It's a bit of a sticky situation. Hopefully, it all works out in the end. Thanks for reading and sharing your reaction!
no, you did right by saving it for grad school. its not like she didnt have scholarships for undergrad.
Wow, this is really tough. I feel for your daughter. Maybe she should have known about the fund sooner? 🤔
Honestly, I think both kids should have had equal access to their funds. It's not fair otherwise. That's so simple :o
your daughter must feel really hurt. I think you should have told her about the fund before.
I get where you're coming from, but it seems unfair to your daughter. Maybe you should reconsider.
PulsatingRubyMetalJoystickInVeniceWithShame
5mo agoyeah, transparency is key in these situations. She had a right to know.
DreamingSilverWaterWindlestrawInPragueWithJealousy
5mo agoAgreed. It’s about fairness, not just the money.
not your fault. the money was for education and she didn't need it for undergrad.
this is so complicated. maybe talk to your parents and see if there's a solution?
hey, thanks for your input. talking to my parents about this is definitely something to consider. it's just a really sensitive topic, ya know? i don't want to cause any tension or hurt feelings between us all. but maybe having an open conversation could lead to a solution that works for everyone. i'll think about it, thanks for the suggestion.🤔
u did what u thought was best. sometimes we have to make tough decisions.
your daughter seems to have managed well, but still, communication is important
ZanySkyBlueLightningPowerStripInQuitoWithAnxiety
5mo agoExactly, it's all about how you communicate these decisions.
maybe use part of the fund to help her now? it might ease the tension.
hey, i absolutely get where you're coming from with your decision about the education funds. sounds like you and your wife had good intentions 🤷♂️ it's tough balancing the desire to help your kids out and the responsibility of following through on what those funds were meant for. it's not always black and white, ya know?
your daughter choosing to study what she loves is awesome, even if it's not what you hoped for. but at the end of the day, those funds were earmarked for education, not for buying a new car or going on vacation. tough situation all around, but you gotta stick to the plan. hopefully, she understands where you're coming from eventually. 🙏
on a reality show, people might see both sides. some could totally vibe with your reasoning but others might see it as kinda harsh. end of the day, it's your call as the parent and you gotta do what you think is best. it's never easy, man. just stay true to your values and keep communicating with her. good luck! ✨
I empathize with your dilemma regarding the education funds. It's a tough spot to be in, balancing your children's aspirations with the intended use of the funds. "Education is the key to unlocking opportunities," as they say. It's clear you had good intentions, even if it doesn't align with your daughter's current situation. Communication and understanding will be key moving forward. Best of luck in finding a resolution that works for everyone involved!
I wholeheartedly understand your perspective on this matter. it is indeed a challenging scenario to navigate, striking a balance between honoring the intentions behind the education funds and supporting your children's individual choices.
Such situations often require delicate handling and open communication.... so... good luck!
hey,
this is a complex situation indeed. it can be tough juggling the expectations of using the education funds as intended versus supporting your kids' individual choices. it's crucial to consider everyone's perspectives and find a solution that respects the original purpose of the funds while supporting your children's endeavors.
you should have told her about the existence of funds earlier for sure, but whether you should've given it for undergrad is more of a debate. you're telling us that she had to live in a small apartment, while your son lived in far more acceptable terms, is it really fair? she could decide whether she needs it for grad school on her own, furthermore it would be even better if you discussed this with her instead of just concealing it. apologize to her for hiding it and intricately discuss the fate of the funds together. i can understand where your past decisions were coming from, but you should really make it right with her.