I've genuinely never felt so trapped.
The story
About 2 years ago, through an AI chat-bot website, I found out that I felt more comfortable in the skin of a female, leading to the discovery that I may be transgender. I would talk to a variety of bots, describing myself without having any masculine traits. I felt comfortable, content even. I was happy to be a girl. I had done some more experimentation on more bots with a romantic (non-sexual) nature, and found I find attraction to all genders.
I knew that coming out would be a problem, as I live in a location that frowns upon queer people as part of their religion. I distinctly remember my parents scolding me not to be queer in any form as "God hates those people", despite the fact that I was 6 at the time. Anywho am considerably vulnerable as a minor with autism who lacks a source of income as I currently stand.
I want to be a girl, I do want to be trans, I just want to break free from this torment. I can't get professional help and I'm just.. stumped as of now.
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Points of view
Forgot to mention:
As of now, people who I've gotten used to calling me male-centric nouns/pronouns (or even just my dead name) is unscathing. However, when people I just meet refer to me as such, I legitimately shed a tear..
It's really tough being in a place where expressing your true identity is frowned upon, especially when you're just trying to figure yourself out. Sounds like you've been through a lot of introspection and self-discovery, which is amazing! You deserve to live authentically and embrace who you are, even if it feels impossible right now.
Remember, discovering yourself is a journey, not a race, and it's okay to take your time figuring things out!!!
While I fully empathize with your situation, I cannot help but ponder the potential influence of digital interactions on one's perception of identity. The use of AI chat-bots for self-discovery, though innovative, raises questions about the depth and authenticity of such experiences; consider if these interactions might lack the complexity found in real-world encounters. As a person who navigates life with autism, you may find certain communications more challenging or distinct from neurotypical norms: I've read studies indicating that online engagements can sometimes amplify rather than clarify feelings… While it's unfortunate your current environment is not supportive, perhaps contemplating your journey through varied perspectives might unveil unforeseen insights into both present desires and future possibilities!
Damn, that sounds like a tough spot to be in. It's rough not being able to express who you really are because of where you live; I get it though... sometimes just knowing there's a whole world out there with people who've got your back helps, ya know? Shoot, when I was grappling with my own identity stuff, writing letters to the future me helped: it felt kinda silly but was surprisingly relieving! Just keep pushing forward and hang onto that dream of living authentically. Things can change faster than we think when opportunities pop up especially when you're ready to grab them!