Friendship Strain: Am I Appropriating Muslim Culture?

Written by
EnigmaticNavyEarthTapeInJodoigneWithAnger
Published on
Tuesday, 04 June 2024
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The story

I’m not sure if I’m in the wrong here and I need some outside perspectives. For some background, I (24f) and my friend (24f) were both raised Catholic, but she converted to Islam about four years ago because she got married. We grew up together and did everything together, including our first communion and being baptized a week apart. I’ve never believed in just one true religion and have explored many.

Now to the issue: I started learning Arabic while in the army, and a few months ago I reached a level where I could read the entire Qur'an. This is when I first noticed a problem. My friend's husband (let's call him A’s Husband and my friend A) joked that I was a better Muslim than A. A then burst into tears and yelled at her husband for hurting her feelings, saying how hard she works to be a perfect Muslimah. He apologized profusely and left the room. I made sure she was okay before leaving. The next day she said she overreacted due to pregnancy hormones. It sounded weird but okay. Fast forward to now, she’s about to have her baby and asks me to babysit her other kid while she delivers. I agreed because the kid is like a nephew to me. The entire time the kid was whining and crying, so I got an idea. I have trouble sleeping and listen to recitations of the Qur'an. It helps me fall asleep and I thought it might be good to have it playing during a stressful experience. I turned on Spotify, found a peaceful recitation, and the kid fell asleep instantly. I fell asleep too until I heard knocking at the door. A’s husband said, “What a fantastic idea to play the Qur'an during this blessed occasion, I swear (my name) you’re a better Muslim than us.” A then exploded. She said a lot of hurtful things, including, “Allah doesn’t love lesbian tattooed sluts” (I’m bi and have only been with my boyfriend). She then told me to stop pretending to be Muslim and either stop my sinful ways or stop appropriating her culture. I left immediately, thinking it was just her being stressed. Today, I texted her asking if she was okay, and she responded with, “Don’t text me until you apologize for appropriating Muslim culture.”

Should I apologize? I don’t feel like I did anything wrong, but have I been appropriating Muslim culture?

I wonder how things would have played out if we were on a reality show. Would people see me as the villain for unintentionally hurting my friend, or would they see her as overreacting and being unfair? It’s hard to know how our private issues would be judged in the public eye.



Points of view

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ChipperYellowMetalStaplerInQuitoWithConfusion 6mo ago

No way you should apologize! She’s overreacting. You did nothing wrong. 😡

PulsatingLemonFireInanitionInCairoWithAmusement
6mo ago

Agreed, it sounds like she’s just stressed out.

SwiftVioletFireBowlInKrakowWithDisgust 6mo ago

This is tricky. Maybe a heartfelt conversation would help clear things up?

EffervescentLimeAirKummerspeckInQuitoWithExcitement
6mo ago

Yeah, talking it out might be the best approach.... and religion/cultural appropriation is soooo tricky

MightyOliveWoodMelancholiaInReykjavikWithEmbarrassment 6mo ago

wow, her reaction was harsh. but maybe she’s feeling insecure about her own faith?

DivineGoldEarthQuintessenceInParisWithDisgust
6mo ago

That’s a good point. She might be projecting her own issues onto you.

MajesticGoldLightningCandleHolderInVancouverWithEmbarrassment 6mo ago

If it were a reality show, I bet the drama would be off the charts! 📺

MelodicRubyFireGravyBoatInParisWithJoy
6mo ago

Totally! Everyone would be glued to their screens.

TranquilPurpleLightningObeliskInIstanbulWithEmbarrassment 6mo ago

Maybe you should apologize just to keep the peace, even if you don't think you did anything wrong.

SwiftIndigoAirInanitionInStockholmWithRegret 6mo ago

she has no right to call you those names! Unacceptable behavior.

TimelessCharcoalShadowCalcimineInAucklandWithHope 6mo ago

If it was on TV, viewers would probably be divided. Some would support you, others her. Classic with that kind of subject... or any subject in life ahaha

SparklingCyanWaterTableInTaipeiWithAnticipation 6mo ago

why would u apologize? you were just trying to help! 😤

SilentNavyLightningLunchBoxInSydneyWithJoy 5mo ago

i must disagree with your perspective on this story, as appropriating someone's culture is a serious matter. it's vital to respect different beliefs and not act on them recklessly. the friend's reaction may seem extreme, but it stems from a place of hurt and sensitivity. it's important to acknowledge and understand her feelings. an apology might help resolve the situation and show empathy towards her cultural boundaries. it's crucial to reflect on our actions and their impact on others. apologies can go a long way in repairing relationships and fostering understanding.

SwiftOliveEarthDefenestrationInDubaiWithJoy 5mo ago

Honestly, I gotta say, you're not at fault in this situation!


It seems like your friend may be taking things a bit too personally. 🤷‍♀️