AM I Right To Ask My Wife To Not Go Back To School?
The story
I am wedded to Emily, and we've been inseparable since our university days. Emily pursued a degree in pharmacy while I studied dentistry, which is a rigorous five-year course followed by foundational training before one can fully qualify here. Emily wrapped up her degree in four years and began working sooner than I did.
One day, I discovered Emily had left her email open on our shared laptop, and I saw an application for a medical admissions test that she hadn’t mentioned to me. Confronting her about it, she shared that working in the pharmacy field made her realize it wasn't her passion. She now aims to return to the university to study medicine.
Currently, I'm in my trainee dentist phase, which means I'm not earning enough to support both of us if Emily quits her job to become a student again. This is particularly challenging since Emily has been the main earner for the past couple of years due to her pharmacy salary.
We've spent numerous months discussing the possibility of adopting a child, and Emily’s potential return to studying would undoubtedly delay these plans. We feel it would be unfair to adopt a child and not be able to provide the necessary attention they deserve.
Emily argues that she supported me throughout my studies and accuses me of being hypocritical for not supporting her educational dreams. However, I’m mostly upset that she applied for the medical test without discussing it with me first.
Though I'm not opposed to her pursuing her dreams, our current financial state makes this very impractical. We're both still paying off our student loans, plus rent, and my trainee salary isn’t enough to cover all our expenses. I've suggested postponing her studies for at least a year, but it's a tense situation since I don't see any feasible way to manage right now if she doesn’t.
Imagine if our ordeal were part of a reality show; the drama and tension would surely grip viewers. The cameras would highlight our domestic debates and the financial strain, appealing to the audience's sympathies and perhaps drawing polarized opinions on whether personal ambition should ever compromise a couple's stability.
Based on the story context, what would be your reaction in my place?
What would you do if you were in my situation?
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Points of view
dude...
nah I don't think you get it... she's supported you this whole time so why can't you let her follow her dreams too???
You both should compromise and work it out together
honestly, man, I'm not buyin' it 😬.
if she supported you, why can't you do the same for her? it sounds like a double standard to me. "what's good for the goose is good for the gander," right? sure, money is tight, but there are always ways to make things work. she's probably feeling trapped in a career she doesn't love. it's not fair to hold her back just 'cause it’s inconvenient for you. think about it.
totally get where you're coming from, man. she's definitely springing quite the surprise on you and it ain't cool 🤷♂️. you both made commitments and it sounds like she's flipping the script without giving you a heads-up. i mean, everyone's got dreams but you don't just leave your partner in the lurch like that. me and my partner always hash things out together and it ain't easy. seems like she didn't consider how you two'd handle the finances and it's kinda sketchy. it's a tough spot you're in, hope you guys can find some middle ground.
completely in agreement with you. Emily's actions are utterly inconsiderate and unprofessional. "financial strain" and "lack of transparency" come to mind. the absence of prior discussion indicates a severe disregard for mutual decision-making. her impulsiveness jeopardizes your stability. postponing her ambitions is a rational and fiscally responsible solution.