Dear me

I Remember when you were 11 excited and nervous to go to college A on your first day. Excited to make new friends, meet new people and teachers, yet nervous as you wondered about how hard it would be as it is a big step up from year 6 but u kept telling yourself don’t worry you will be fine or so u thought.

You were 12 now in year 8 thinking it would stay the same…well boy were you wrong,

everything Changed the friend group broke apart, lonely lunch’s sitting by myself, rumours spiralling, friends distancing themselves,people staring as you pass them through the hallways and fake friends asking what’s your sexuality trying to find out if the rumors were true and then there was you feeling hurt,betrayed and crap about myself. you wondered if things would change? Or if it would effect you more than it already had.

now you were 13 in year 9 dreading to walk through those gates again knowing that you were the most hated student in your year, the rumors still spiralling except now i liked my best friend the thought of me liking her in that way is weird and unsettling,

Classmates always asking are you if you And your best friend secretly dating you would always respond with no even if i was dating her I wouldn’t tell u as its none of your business. You was really badly affected by this that a lot of the time you faked sick as you really dreaded and hated coming to school and even if you did come to school u could feel the eyes constantly staring at you making you squirm in your seat as if u really really had to pee it was really uncomfortable and you feel numb and depressed inside but on the outside you had a happy and smiley forcade. Every night you wished and dreamt that things would get better.

Year ten rolls around and you get good news you’re in a class with my second cousin and you think finally i get someone to sit with during class but it turns out you sit by yourself again and you feel alone and isolated again for the third year in a row. You take French drama and business studies as your extra subjects, in French you sit alone nobody talks to you unless they have to, when you have to get in to buddies or groups you always find yourself alone the only one without a partner or a group and you think to yourself they hate me am i a bad person? Do i not deserve acknowledgment? Your French teacher always sees you alone and makes me join another group beside you or join Evie (fake name) who has some syndrome and is hard to understand when she speaks as her words slur together and she is as quiet as a mouse, and it was just horrible i had no friends in that class nobody to talk too and nobody to acknowledge me. Drama was ok you liked your teacher there were some popular people in your class but they avoided you and you avoided them. But when you came to assessments you were always the last one to get chosen its like dodgeball in those high school movies where you are the last on that hasn’t been chosen and balls get pelted at you I remember when u had nobody for your Shakespeare performance and the only people available were my internationale friends i joined up with one of them but she was leaving back to japan a week befor the assessment so at the last minute me and the other exchange student had to learn a script off by heart but we also had to do blocking for it a day before the assessment but you were used to it at that point. A few months later you and your mum had a fight about something stupid and you felt crap about yourself again and this time you followed your instincts and did something bad when your mum saw she freaked out and u bursted out crying you cried so much it was like your tears flooded the room as you tell your mum about your school life At A. what feels like the worst part of your life then turns to the best part of your life as u go from rock bottom too the highest of highes as your mum said that you can move schools to B. again like at your first day at A you are nervous and excited.

now 15 and in year 11 you are very luckily and grateful as you find your place there and make new friends, you even met a old very good friend from primary school there and you cry in her arms as you haven’t seen your best friend in 3 years and you made really good friends there and you are much happier at B than A although you still struggle mentally you are a lot better.

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