I cant do this anymore
The story
Hi ive just been feeling really shitty lately. My grades are lower than they ever were before and i cant seem to get my life together. Im a sophomore in high school. In the first term of my sophomore year i got 5 Fs. I didnt know where i went wrong but i told myself i’d try harder. Obviously this was the first time i’d gotten such bad grades ever. I went home and i cried to my mom. I wasn’t crying over my grades i was crying about how my father was going to handle it. I could hear him yelling at my mom from his room saying shit like “she never studies” or “shes just lazy”. Truth is ive been asking my mom to pick me up early from school almost everyday and ive been absent so much. Ive been in and out of the hospital. So the stress from that day was a lot, i even passed out in the bathroom for 2 hours until my dad found me (he said i was being dramatic and just wanted attention).
In the second term i tried to show up to school as much as possible. It was hard but i pushed through. I was so scared after what happened in the first term i told myself I’m not going to go out and see friends, even on weekends. So for over 2 months i stayed home and studied. I even got multiple tutors to help me. Even after all that hard work i got 3 Fs and 2 Ds. I was crying harder than i was in the first term. I genuinely cried so much my head was throbbing. My mom told my dad about my grades, he was angrier than before. He kept yelling at me and telling me I’m a failure and that he wanted to hit me but he was holding himself back. I was crying the whole day, i talked to my girlfriend as she tried to reassure me but it really didnt help much. That evening i texted all of my friends ily and spent over 2 hours writing about 14 letters and i tried to end it all. One of my friends and my gf stopped me. I said i wouldnt do anything again but i genuinely dont feel like living anymore. If i dont take myself out then my dad will.
It’s currently the third term. I doubt im passing this year. Ive already repeated 9th grade over 2.5 marks. Now im scared i repeat this one. I swear im trying hard but it seems like all the time and work i put into this isnt paying off. Im in a public school, and where i live our grading system takes 80% of the final exam mark and 20% of the mark from the teachers (all the tests, hw, assignments etc.). My marks are never this low. Every time i get a test paper back something in me dies. I got my math paper back today (which i spent a week studying) and i got an 8/20. I genuinely felt like crying. No matter how hard i work everything just doesn’t work out for me.
I disabled most of my accounts. I blocked most people. I dont wanna talk to anyone. Im open to the idea of getting therapy but if theyre going to tell my parents everything then im not gonna talk to them. I really feel like my mental health is going down. I feel like shit everyday and wish it would all end soon. Im supposed to graduate next year with my gf and my other friends but the fact i had to repeat 9th grade took me a year behind. Now im scared to fail 10th grade. How much stupider can i be
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Points of view
hey, sorry to hear you're going through such a rough time; seems like there’s a lot on your plate right now. i totally get that feeling when you put in so much effort and it doesn’t seem to pay off; it can be seriously discouraging. it might be worth considering that sometimes when our performance isn't matching our effort, it might not be just about studying harder but also finding strategies that work better for you. have you ever tried chatting with a teacher or a counselor at school about different study techniques or maybe even time management approaches? also, have you thought about why the grades dipped in the first place before things spiraled? it’s important to try to identify if there’s a root cause or issue that can be addressed; hang in there, things can improve with the right support and adjustments in place.
hey, i'm really sorry you're dealing with so much stress right now. honestly, it feels like the pressure to always succeed academically can be overwhelming. it's tough when it doesn't seem like there's any support coming from home. hearing your dad's reaction reminds me of my own struggles and how it crushed my confidence when I was in a similar situation. don’t let anyone make you feel like a failure. sometimes, it’s not just about hard work, but also finding the right environment and method that clicks for you. ever thought about reaching out to someone at school who might understand your situation better? hoping you find some peace and the support you deserve 😊
what a frustrating situation you're in, and honestly, i completely get where you're coming from. the constant "you're just lazy" rhetoric is infuriating and dismissive, isn't it? makes me think of when i was told similar things despite genuinely working hard. "no matter how hard i work everything just doesn’t work out for me." this resonates deeply because effort doesn’t always equate to success when external factors are disregarded. it seems like there’s a lack of understanding or empathy regarding your circumstances. have you considered how unhelpful it is when those who should support you prefer to critique? it’s a tough place to be, and the pressure is mounting, but remember, many of us have been through the grinder and managed to navigate through. wishing you strength through this tumultuous time.
hey, i get that you're super stressed, but it sounds like you're drowning yourself with all this pressure, man. like, seriously, it’s not all about grades; it seems wild that everything's about scoring high when there’s so much else going on. i remember going through a rough patch myself, and i learned that sometimes you gotta give yourself a break too. why push so hard if it’s just wrecking your mental health??? maybe try focusing on one thing at a time or talk to someone who can really listen without judging!!! and what's up with your dad not understanding how much you're trying? seems off that he can’t cut you some slack; maybe his way of support ain’t the best fit right now. anyway, just hang in there and know that things can get better even if it doesn’t feel like it when you’re in the thick of it.