So I’ve got this friend…
The story
Compared to most of the problems in my life right now, this feels pretty low on the totem pole. But I don’t feel like anyone I’ve talked to about it can understand, and I’m feeling crazy because I’m the problem!?! Okay. So I have this friend. Sorta… let’s start at the beginning. I have a really good friend in my Geology major, let’s call her Glasses. And this good friend met another girl, let’s call her Hammer. Glasses and Hammer became pretty good friends. And from there we formed a little trio of sorts. That’s the short version at least. Hammer then met another girl, let’s call her Miss Perfect. And we would all hang out and we had a good group going. But, miss perfect and I never really clicked. I liked her as a person, but the gears never really aligned or something cause as soon as it was just us two we never had anything to really say. And I’d call her a friend, but definitely not close. That’s the general background. Anyway, I really pride myself on my acedemics. I’ve always been an A student, someone who’s always got the answer, who puts in the work, has a fun idea, understands the concept. You know. Typical geek. But geology’s my passion you know! I’m gonna really try and put my best foot forward. And I’m good at it. I’m a really good geologist… but Miss Perfext, it always felt like she would do better. Or at least people would praise her for being the best. I honesty feel like we are equals. But somehow, she’s always the one to get the praise or the recognition. For some reason, she’s always the better one. And it’s infuriating in a major where there’s only 20 people, cause why can’t I just beat her?!? And there have been times where I have, but they seem to be outweighed with her getting a better score or picked for a team assignment over me or whatever! And it really wasn’t that big of a problem in school. Because we had a different enough schedule where it wasn’t that big of a deal and it wasn’t in every class and I knew at some point I would not be in school with her and it wouldn’t really matter in the long run. I loved my work and that was good enough for me. But now… ok so I graduated last summer, and Hammer and I got a job at the same place. And it’s a good job. Sorta geology related and such so I feel it’s a good stepping stone before grad school and other jobs moving forward. But this summer..: Miss perfect applied and got the job. And I just don’t want to feel like I need to keep competing with her in my work place! Because what if she gets promoted over me?! What if they think she’s so much better than me and I get lumped with the geotechs where no geology is done at all and she’s out with the real geologists doing the real science?! When I’ve been there longer? Im not hoenslty that passionate about this company but it kinda upsets me! Because Hammer and Miss Perfext are closer together that I am with Hammer. So not only will it feel like I need to prove myself when I shouldn’t need to feel that way, I also don’t want to feel like a third wheel! And they’re moving in together! Ugh! So there. And when I ask my boyfriend, he just says, comparison is the thief of joy, which is a real fuck you if you ask me.
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Points of view
Hey, I get where you're coming from, but it sounds like you're spiraling a bit. I mean, why let Miss Perfect get under your skin so much? Life’s too short to play the comparison game constantly; it’ll drive you nuts. I’ve been in a similar situation at work where someone just seemed to get ahead without effort, but stressing over it just burned me out. Maybe you should focus on your growth instead of worrying about how you measure up to her. If you know you're good at what you do, then own it and let your work speak for itself. Plus, if you know where you want to go in your career, you'll get there, regardless of who's in your way. Remember, it's not always about being the best, but doing your best!
I must say, your feelings are entirely valid. It's truly frustrating when you find yourself constantly compared to someone else, especially someone like Miss Perfect, who seems to effortlessly gain recognition and praise. The sense of competition can be exhausting and demoralizing, particularly when you are putting in just as much, if not more, effort. It's unfortunate that this situation has extended beyond academia and into your workplace, where you were seeking a fresh start. Doubt can easily creep in when you feel like you're perpetually being placed in someone else's shadow, and it is entirely reasonable to question your accomplishments and worth in light of this ongoing comparison. Your concerns about being overshadowed are understandable given the context. I empathize with your position and hope you find a way to focus on your own achievements, free from the oppressive pressure of constant comparison.