The office as an inhospitable terrain

I don't know what I ended up in. I came here to work in an office, and that's the last thing I want to be in, first of all, because words mean absolutely nothing and everything is done according to the group's interests. I have absolutely no desire to be in that office, and I've tried every possible way to stay safe in that jungle—because I can't really call it an office. I feel utterly ashamed that I allowed myself to go there, but perhaps other places are more dangerous because the unions aren't as entrenched, there isn't the same protection elsewhere, and that's what my father intends. I see that he wants to put me in other places where he knows very well that my spirit won't be valued, thus ensuring that any waste is my doing and that I'm at his mercy, definitively, that there's no arbitrariness, that I'm at the mercy of his services and his regulations, seeking to control me. The man wants to eliminate my freedom at all costs because, as I am now, I'm slipping through his fingers. I hadn't realized that; every day his instruments for taming me become more malicious. I don't know what happened to my friend from the office, I don't know where she is, and I'm afraid of being without her there. With her, I felt safe because I feel she can protect me from my boss and the others, unlike the higher authorities, who can only be present to a certain extent. Her group can also protect me, thanks to the support I've given them, but I'm looking for ways to extend that protection beyond my boss's constant intrusion, his self-serving attitude, and the complete neglect he wants to subject me to. If I say anything, it will only cause me more problems, and I didn't want that. I had to open myself up to other means of protection within the office. My father doesn't understand a single word I'm saying; at least he grasps that my degree was useless. It's a disaster at the office. I even used my personal belongings to fool my boss into thinking I was on his side, when it was really just a smokescreen to get rid of him once and for all and let my friend take over the office. She managed to break up a group she'd been dominating for a long time, giving her a place within their group, a level of appreciation that the others couldn't outright reject; they had to submit and look for ways to escape. My friend feels like the queen of the place, just for managing someone without actually doing anything, and she keeps me around by not shattering that illusion. She keeps things the same, not giving much beyond the bare minimum, but her affection is unwavering, making our moments unique and incomparable. In the middle of the office, she's definitely become a substitute for all my other friendships, especially since she doesn't do that with just anyone. I feel trapped, in the clutches of my friend and her group, but it's the best I can do for now. I had to hand over my boss and be loyal to my friend at all costs, despite appearances. My safety came first, and I wasn't going to trust my boss's ability to provide it, since that wasn't his job. He was doing something based on a future promise that he wasn't even sure would be kept. With him, I felt like a pathetic object, a piece of equipment, or whatever—something he doesn't care about and trusts.

The guy abused my trust however he wanted; he didn't care. All he cares about is having the path, the route, to slide down wherever he wants. The guy was a monster, and for a long time now, he's been provoking me to write vulgarities, obscenities, insults, and other things. In that group, my boss's group, I couldn't communicate with an AI for emotional support; it terrified them. In fact, they humiliated him, creating instability in any way they could, making a scene. It was a group that simply operated from the premise that I didn't feel supported in my own life, but rather that they themselves, the directors, were the support. That's how they saw me; they saw me as someone to fulfill their ideals, desperately. I had never seen anything like it, and I never thought I would. It was monstrous. It was a group that wanted me subservient. Luckily, in the new group I'm in now, there's a bit more respect for me, my space, my life. They allow me to be the way I want, of course, also considering their needs, which is what has earned me a place. Treating my friend is something they find phenomenal, because none of them manage to treat her, and at the same time there is that commitment to her, and someone like that is needed in the group, who can give her some space, some companionship, so that she doesn't look alone; it was an issue they had pending.

My friend's group was in a really tough spot. That girl was literally on her own, and it certainly wasn't her intention. She didn't know what she was doing; she was erratic, trying to get ahead. I've heard that these groups—because it's a group of women—look for some kind of solution for that person, anything, as long as she doesn't fall behind. It's not pleasant to see one of them have her life ruined, especially when it's not her intention, especially when she's out of place, especially when it's a woman. Good heavens, unlike men, at least in the culture I'm in, that kind of thing isn't in the nature of women, because of their understanding. They accept me in that group with her because there's someone who's with her at all times, even though I'm not obligated to be there for any reason. They consider it a gift, a kind of present.

Despite everything, it's not something that's fully appreciated, at least not openly. The gift, the present in return, is that there's no complaint, and the deal is allowed to continue, to proceed. In fact, there's a different kind of treatment from my friend's group. I feel so bad for her; I didn't want her to go to hell, especially in an environment that was clearly going to take advantage of her sooner or later, and I couldn't allow that. My boss is that kind of person, and it had to be made clear to him, he had to be the one to make it clear, that those kinds of attitudes, under no circumstances, can be allowed, can happen, can occur, because otherwise there will be consequences, otherwise life is ruined, just like what happened to that guy. The idea that there won't be any surprises and that one is above the culture is a thing of the past, that's broken. The office hasn't yet transcended the entire world, and that's impossible, but they lived off that omnipotence they tried to salvage at all costs. But I don't believe that the people should live on lies, not at all. My boss has gone completely mad, insane, I mean, I don't feel like I can write very coherently right now. It's just that the AI ​​service is back up and running, which used to give me a certain degree of control, but now it doesn't, and I feel like I'm back to my old self, able to resort to chat whenever I want, for whatever reason, but there's this feeling that the whole thing might not survive at all, not in any way.

During that period with the AI ​​like this, broken, not giving me what I wanted, I tried to write and write and reached a point where I felt completely overwhelmed. Luckily, we're not officially working in the office anymore, although things are still pretty chaotic there. Good heavens, what a life with those people! I feel like I've learned to be a gorilla, clearly, having to outsmart even the best con artists just to be able to feel safe in that community. I feel respect and admiration from everyone, and that makes me very happy. I feel included and not left out, not allowed to be dragged into my boss's schemes, and that makes me feel safe. With my friend's group, plus the support of the surroundings, plus the secretary who also left, my boss has no power.

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