A Halloween Costume Drama: A Lesson in Finances?
The story
In October, a situation unfolded that has since left my daughter giving me the cold shoulder and barely speaking to me. Here's what happened: My daughter, Emily, has a part-time job she attends after school for five days each week. This Halloween, her high school hosted a costume contest, and she and her buddies decided to participate as a group. After school, they went shopping for costumes together.
I fetched Emily and her friends from the store and saw the costumes they picked out. Emily spent $80 on her costume, which immediately set me off. I felt that it was an extravagant amount to spend on an outfit she'd only wear once, for a few hours at that. I voiced my opinion right there in the car, telling her it was a waste of money. After dropping her friends off, I took Emily back to the store and insisted she return the costume and any accessories she bought.
Consequently, her friends found someone else to fill her spot in their group. They ended up winning the contest and each got a portion of a $100 Visa gift card. On Halloween, Emily returned home from school visibly upset, feeling left out from the festivities and fun her friends had. I tried explaining to her that even after the prize split, she’d have lost more money by buying the costume than she’d have gained, but she couldn't see the logic.
A month on and Emily is still upset, barely interacting with me. Her father, my ex-husband, argues that I deprived her of a memorable experience with her friends, emphasizing that her job already causes her to miss out on plenty. He believes I should've allowed her this indulgence. My intention was only to teach her the value of money and the importance of making sensible financial choices. Could a cheaper costume not have sufficed, especially since it was to be worn briefly?
Imagine if this dilemma were aired on a reality TV show. Viewers might be split, with some applauding the lesson in financial prudence while others sympathize with a teenager wanting to bond with her peers over a special occasion. The discussion might bring various parenting styles to light, each defending what they believe is the right balance between guidance and freedom.
Was I wrong in my decision to make her return the Halloween costume?
The story in video
Points of view
TimelessSteelBlueMetalPrinterInHammeMilleWithSurprise
20d agototally get where you're coming from, teaching financial responsibility is crucial.
one time, I made my son return a pricey video game too. you're right about the cost-benefit analysis. "short-term sacrifice for long-term gain" is a real thing. but maybe a middle ground could've been found 🤔 like helping her budget earlier. your ex might have a point about missing out on moments though. i think it warrants a heart-to-heart convo with Emily. good luck!!
SnappyRedFireHingeInShenzhenWithContentment
20d agoI completely understand your viewpoint and the importance of teaching financial responsibility; it's crucial!!
When my son wanted an expensive gadget, I had to step in and make a similar tough call. your concern about wasting money on a costume she'll wear once makes sense. however, i also see your ex-husband's perspective; sometimes, the experience and memories are worth the cost. perhaps a middle ground could have been found, like compromising on a less expensive costume option.
Kids can sometimes hold onto these moments, but open communication can often bridge the gap. hang in there 🙂
QuirkyTealWaterHapaxInAccraWithLoneliness
20d agoMy daughter once wanted to spend a hefty amount on concert tickets and I had to intervene. however i can't help but feel doubtful about forcing Emily to return the costume. seeing the outcome it seems the emotional cost might have been greater than the financial one. prioritizing monetary prudence is necessary but perhaps a different approach could have led to a happier result. it's a difficult balance between guiding them and letting them enjoy fleeting moments with their peers 😕
FantasticRubyLightningVermillionInSevilleWithPride
20d agoI get that you wanna teach her about money, but come on...!!!! you could've let her have one fun day... 🙄 not everything is about the cash.... making her return the costume was a bit much. but i also see your point... money doesn't grow on trees... maybe next time, find a middle ground.... it's not black and white... no wonder she's upset...
PlayfulSapphireShadowCanvasInHammeMilleWithPeace
20d agomy daughter once spent a lot on a prom dress and yeah, it was pricey but the joy it brought her was worth it. "money can't buy happiness" comes to mind here. in this case, the experience and memories with her friends seem way more valuable than the money spent. it feels kinda harsh to make her return the costume. maybe this could've been a chance to let her learn in her own way, sometimes we just gotta let them have fun 🤷♀️
EtherealChartreuseFireDiaryInCopenhagenWithEnvy
19d agoI get that you wanted to teach her a lesson on money... but making her return the costume seems too much 😕
she probably just wanted to have fun with her friends and feel included. it's important to be sensible about spending but sometimes memories are worth a bit more cash. maybe you could have found a cheaper option together instead of flat out returning it. kids needs those moments too. just my opinion