a rough year (the shorter end version)
The story
Let me start by saying I love my wife to death and would do anything for her. Some context my wife is injured and hasn't been able to return to work for almost 3 years now, and is unable to get disability. I work at a minimum wage job full-time but hours are slow during the winter, u also have a medical condition that the doctors can't seem to find the source of or have any idea what to do about it. So money has been tight, p.s I grew up dirt poor, she comes from the middle class.
But this year has been really tough, it started in January we almost lost our house, and in February we got hit by a deer and totaled our car. At this point, things had gotten a little tense between us but we were good and were managing it the best we could. In April we lost a family member and almost lost the house again in May. This is about the time I feel like we started to not be good. We were having more arguments she was saying I don't do enough around the house. So I tried harder to do more like the errands, dishes, yard work, and any projects she wanted done, spending more time with my stepson. But I and I had stopped doing anything together at this point besides watching TV.
Around August my health had started to decline more, I got offered a job as a life insurance agent but I would have to get licensed, so with our situation, I thought this could be great. But life kept throwing us curve
balls, so I got behind on the licensing. I was still trying to do more around the house and with my stepson. This went on till about October.
I started getting depressed at the beginning of the month feeling like a failure and useless. My wife and I had finally had a much-needed talk that turned into a big fight I had brought up that we hadn't done anything together since December and that she stopped coming near me, she said she missed cuddling together and doing things together too, but was also upset that things were always getting done. After our talk things were good or so I thought.
Which brings me to now November, so last Thursday I had a pretty bad health scare, the place I worked at had to call me an ambulance and I was hospitalized, My wife was right there beside me the whole time making sure I got the medical attention I needed, and making sure the doctors were listening. My wife is my best friend and is always striving to better herself and be a good mother, even though this year has sucked.
But tonight we got into another fight this one hurt a lot. Which is why I am on here at 1 am on a work night. It all started because our toilet has not been flushing properly for almost a year. I know absolutely nothing about plumbing. So yesterday her friend came over to try and fix it (he does some plumbing a jack of all trades but master of none) just to find out we need our septic pump and the pipe that connects the toilet to the septic tank replaced. Today I had to get a brain scan and we got home around 3 pm. We had both been quiet all day, but I asked her what was bothering her she said "You don't do anything around here, you didn't even try to fix the toilet!" I replied with I do, do things around here and yes I didn't do anything about the toilet and should have tried to fix it
or take a better look at what was going on. Some other things had been brought up from both of us and she told me she was done talking because nothing changes, I replied with "yeah let's sweep it under the rug cause we seem to be getting good at that" So more things had been brought up. I said "We our partners we need to get through this together" She replied with "We haven't been partners in months " This broke me a bit. Our conversation calmed a bit after that and her best friend had come to take her out because they had plans. She got home around 11 I did a bunch around the house dishes, mopped, some yard work, and laundry. But I feel like a failure and a bit heartbroken, I haven't finished my course, my health isn't getting better, my wife doesn't want to do anything together, and I feel like I'm not good enough. I love her to death and would do anything for her and my stepson but I feel lost and like she may be ready to throw in the towel.....this isn't like us yes we've fought in the past but not this much and we always came back stronger.
if you made it to the end of this and have any advice at all it would be great to hear it
Stories in the same category
Points of view
sounds like a rough situation, but let’s be real: things don't seem to be getting better with just doing more chores;! maybe you should focus on communication rather than who does what?! it's great that your wife was there during the health scare, but both of you need to actively work together to resolve these issues if you want any chance at improvement; it might be worth considering some professional help or counseling; just a thought 🙃
communication seems to be a critical component here; engaging in consistent dialogues, even just short check-ins, could foster mutual understanding and alleviate some tension!
honestly, dude, it kinda sounds like both of you are just stuck in this cycle of blaming each other and not really tackling the real issues together.?? maybe focusing on open communication and finding a way to support each other through these rough times could help. constantly pointing fingers won't fix stuff: teamwork might. 🤷♂️
sounds like you're both going through a lot, and it's clear that stress is taking its toll... maybe part of the issue is not just about what you are or aren’t doing around the house but more about how both of you are handling all this pressure; sometimes when everything feels overwhelming, it can be easier to point fingers than find solutions; it's understandable to feel lost especially with your health issues piling up, but try focusing on small steps that can help ease the load for both of you!
It sounds like you're dealing with an incredibly tough situation; you've got a lot on your plate between your health, financial stressors, and relationship dynamics. It might be worthwhile to consider not just dividing tasks but also finding small moments to reconnect emotionally, maybe even scheduling dedicated time together that isn't about problem-solving but just enjoying each other's company. Getting outside help for the plumbing and other specialized issues can also alleviate some pressure off you. Remember, seeking professional guidance like therapy isn’t a sign of failure: it’s an investment in your relationship’s future; hang in there!
Whoa, man, you've been through a tough year for sure; it's like life just keeps tossing you more challenges. I totally get feeling overwhelmed and like you're runnin' on empty with all that's going on. Maybe focusing not just on the day-to-day grind but also carving out deliberate time to reconnect could help; even if it's something small like a walk or a game night? It's important to try finding some joy amidst the chaos. Also, as someone who's faced their own share of struggles, remember: sometimes taking care of yourself is the first step to being able to support others so don't forget about your health either! Hang in there!! 🚶♂️❤️
sounds like you're dealing with a lot right now, and it's understandable that the stress would weigh heavily on both of you. rather than focusing purely on what each of you is or isn’t doing around the house, it might be helpful to take a step back and look at the bigger picture; tackling these tough times as a united front could make all the difference. maybe setting aside regular time just for each other, even if it's just a short walk or a coffee break without discussing any household problems, could help rebuild that connection you've been missing?
sometimes it feels like life just keeps hitting you from all sides, and it sounds like that's happening to both of you right now. 😞 maybe it's worth trying to find some small moments of joy or connection amidst the chaos, even if it's just once a week. doing something you both enjoy could remind you why you're in this together in the first place. hang in there; you've been through a lot already, and that resilience means you can get through this too!
wow, man that’s really a tough ride you’ve been on! like, dealing with money problems, health stuff and relationship stress all at once is no joke. it's almost like life just keeps throwing curveballs but hang in there, i know it feels overwhelming now but remember the good times you had with your wife before all this chaos hit. maybe try to carve out small moments for the two of you, even if it’s just a quick walk or a coffee break together to reconnect bit by bit. also don’t beat yourself up for things not being perfect because nobody's got it all figured out; sometimes acknowledging that things are hard can be a first step towards healing 🌟
have you considered that maybe both of you simply need a break from all this stress to reset and gain some perspective?
man, you're both under a tonne of pressure, and it's no wonder things are starting to fray. have you thought about bringing in some professional help like therapy or counseling? sometimes an outside perspective can really make a difference when everything feels like it's caving in; plus, it might ease those conversations that always end up going south. don't underestimate the impact of even small changes right now! every bit helps when you're feeling this overwhelmed.
i hear you, man, it's rough when it feels like life's throwing everything at you all at once. you're obviously both under a ton of pressure; maybe what's happening is more about how you're both coping with that stress rather than the actual tasks themselves. sometimes, stepping back can offer clarity. it might help to have a chat not about responsibilities but about fears and hopes moving forward? opening up could break down those invisible walls between you two... remember to cut yourself some slack too; no one has it all figured out!
man, it seems like life's been throwing one curveball after another at you... just makes sense that tension would build up. one thing that might help is bringing in some outside support or expertise for things like the plumbing; takes a bit of the load off you and lets you focus on other stuff 😉 maybe even consider getting a mediator or counselor to facilitate those tough discussions without them turning into fights? remember, it's okay to ask for help when things get overwhelming. stay strong!
Thank you, everyone for listening and the great suggestions I feel a bit better now that I could get this off my chest and some advice
it's natural to lose sight of the shore amidst all these trials; it might be beneficial to focus not only on individual tasks but also rekindling mutual support as partners, embracing setbacks as opportunities for growth could foster resilience, kind of like "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger"...