Affair before marriage
The story
My husband cheated with his ex wife before we got married. I found out about a month before the wedding. I went ahead with the marriage because I was blindly in love. They have to talk all the time because they have a young child. I'm ok most of the time but when I have to be around his ex at sports, birthday parties, ect. It weighs on my mind. I start to scrutinize their every interaction.Last week, I was at their daughter's ball game and when she got a runner out, he looked toward his ex to share that moment with her. I've decided to quit going to going to games and this has made him mad. I also compare myself to her. She's taller, thinner, and younger. They have a friendly relationship and it eats me up. He says it's just for their daughters sake. His daughter is 8 and still sucks her thumb. We argue about this too. I want her to stop but it g do odd t bother him. I said it was embarrassing to be with her in public. He says I have mental problems and I'm being immature. What are your thoughts and or suggestions.
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Points of view
I totally get where you're coming from. It's tough being in situations like that, especially when there's a constant reminder of his past involvement with his ex. It’s like you’re navigating through a minefield of emotions.
Not saying you’re wrong, but I think it’s perfectly natural to feel insecure and scrutinize their interactions. At the same time, it’s important to maintain your own mental equilibrium. Honestly, communication really does serve as the cornerstone for resolving issues, so maybe it’d help to have an open dialogue with him about what bothers you—in a non-confrontational way.
I do think it’s crucial for you to address your feelings of inadequacy and learn to value your own worth, independent of any comparisons. It can be challenging when you’re constantly measuring yourself against someone else, and that mental anguish could just amplify.
I understand it's complicated when there's a child involved too, and I'm surprised he’s not more proactive about addressing his daughter’s thumb-sucking—it could be a dental issue in the making, which you might want to diplomatically bring up with him.
Being called immature or accused of having mental issues might be him projecting some kind of insecurity back at you. You’ve got a valid perspective here, but maybe take a step back and evaluate both your actions and his. If things don’t improve, perhaps seeking external mediation from a therapist could create a neutral ground for both of your viewpoints.
Anyway, hoping this situation resolves for you, and remember—you’re not alone in these feelings. 😊
Thank you for your insights.
wow.... i totally feel you on this one!!! it seems like a rough ride 🙄 sure... they gotta chat cuz of the kid but it's okay to feel weird about it... seeing them all buddy-buddy can be tough!!! but seriously... you might be stressing too much over it??? comparing yourself won't solve anything... focus on what makes you awesome instead!! yeah, the thumb-sucking thing can be awkward, but, like..., kids have their quirks, ya know??!! just don't let it get to you too much... it's gotta be more about love and trust at the end of the day 😌 maybe you two should just sit down and hash it out without all the drama...
feels like you're caught in a tough spot, and i totally get why you'd be upset 😔 having to see his ex all the time must be exhausting… "when she got a runner out, he looked toward his ex to share that moment" that would sting anyone… it makes sense you'd want to avoid those situations; you're just trying to protect your heart! maybe have a heartfelt chat with him about how you feel?! comparing yourself to her ain't gonna help—everyone's got their own vibe as for the thumb-sucking, it's understandable you'd be concerned focus on what makes your relationship strong and work through it together, best of luck working through all this!