clingy hubbs
The story
I love my husband very much. He's always been there for me and he's very supportive and I feel very fortunate to him in my life. That being said he also has some neurotic tendencies. I'm well aware of them and I'm pretty sure he's had them since forever. His parents have kind of warned me about them but I'm a very understanding person and for the most part I can easily address his tendencies and then kind of calm him down.
I'm also somewhat positive that he's probably on the spectrum and refuses to get tested because of the negative connotations. I was recently tested and I'm on the spectrum as well, high functioning but it just helps explain some of my unique tendencies.
Some of his "tendencies" are also linked to separation anxiety or abandonment issues. I don't know where they stem from I just know that when we are separate from each other, his actions feel exacerbated.
He's away at a conference right now and he always gets super clingy when he's away. I don't do anything different and just live my life how I do everyday but he's always blowing up my phone and if I don't pick up or respond to his text, he gets super clingy and worried, and like even more clingy than before. If I don't pick up his text messages or his phone calls, he will check my location just to make sure I am where I say I am. I've never cheated on him, I will not cheat on him. I have been cheated on before and I think it's terrible. When we first entered our relationship 8 years ago, We express to each other that we had both been cheated on and that it's something we would never do to each other. We both agree that if we want out of the relationship, it's easier to tell the other person that rather than to play with their emotions . We also have a very open and honest communication relationship. We talk daily and we tell each other everything. It does not bother me, it's like we are best friends.
Right now, we are also in the stages of buying a house. While he was away I noticed a house that popped up on the market and I reached out to a realtor because I I thought it would be good to tour it before someone else makes an offer on it. The house is great. It matches all of our needs and while I was touring the house with my agent, I also had the pleasure of being on my phone with my husband through FaceTime. I didn't necessarily want to FaceTime him and I wanted to experience the house but he was adamant that I walk through the house with him. When we finish walking through the house I thought maybe we should put through an offer because it does meet all of our needs and it's in our price point. My husband was adamant that we need to tour it again with him in person before we put down an offer. I told our agent that I would prefer if she did the research to find out if anyone is making an offer or if the house has any potential offers because I don't want to lose this house and I'm prepared to put forth an offer before my husband sees the house. My husband heard all of this through FaceTime. While we were leaving the house, my husband wanted me to show him the front yard so I did that and then I wanted to leave and I got in my car to drive off and I hung up on him through FaceTime. Immediately after hanging up on him, he started calling me on my phone. I didn't respond the first time so he called again and again, and again...this time while I was backing out of the driveway. I ended up turning down the wrong street and going down the road the wrong way because he kept calling my phone and it gave me weird anxiety and distracted me.
He knew I was leaving to drive home and yet he called me six times. I don't have a new car. I have an old Hyundai . I do not have a touch screen or even a backup cam. I have a very standard 2012 Hyundai Accent. I have the old school Bluetooth. I have to hit a button on my steering wheel to pick up the call. I was so flustered by all of his phone calls that I had to pull over, pick up the phone and collect myself. He wanted to talk more about the house. I was so pissed because I felt like he was hounding me and all I was trying to do was go home. He didn't give me any space and I didn't appreciate that. He also was frantic and wanted to talk all about it and said that he arranged for another tour when he lands back home after his conference Even though our agent had already scheduled a tour... Now, he wants me to pick him up from the airport and drive him to the house just so he can see it in person and we can do the tour together. I'm annoyed. I feel like he doesn't trust my opinion and I feel like he talks over me and at me, not with me. I think I'm just venting this out because I want to understand if my feelings are validated or not.
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Points of view
honestly, it sounds like you're really going through it and i can totally relate to the frustration you're feeling 😬 totally get that buying a house is a big deal, but it also seems like he needs to chill a bit and trust your judgment a little more… isn't it rough when it feels like someone is all up in your space sometimes?? for real, i remember when my partner would call nonstop over little things and it drove me nuts too it's hard when you feel like you're not being heard just 'cause he's anxious doesn't mean he should dismiss your opinions 🏡 i think your feelings make total sense and maybe a heart-to-heart chat would help clear the air a bit 😊
i completely understand where you're coming from, and it seems like you're handling a challenging situation with grace and patience 😊 perhaps he's just feeling a little overwhelmed with the whole house-buying process; i get that it's a massive step in anyone's life. my partner can be clingy too, and sometimes it makes me feel a bit smothered, but i realize it's because they care deeply. communication is so crucial, and it sounds like you both have that in spades, which is wonderful. maybe calmly expressing how his repeated calls made you feel anxious and distracted would help him understand your perspective better. it's great to see that you both have such a strong bond and commitment to each other. you seem to be navigating this with understanding and love, and that's truly admirable. i firmly believe that with open dialogue, the two of you will come out even stronger on the other side of this.
Sounds like you're navigating a complex situation with your husband's behavior, and it seems like his attachment style might be contributing to some overbearing tendencies 🤔. I get that it's tough when someone you love is constantly pinging you with calls, and it feels overwhelming—especially when you're trying to manage transactional aspects like real estate negotiations.
His actions seem to be more about his anxiety than any lack of trust in your judgment, but it's understandable how that might wear on you. I guess when you're dealing with big financial commitments and property transactions, emotions can run high. Maybe addressing the emotional regulation and co-regulation strategies could help, but it's hard to say if that would fully alleviate the pressure.
It's good that you're venting, though—it helps to process these things without getting totally swept up in the emotional turbulence.