I feel like I’ve fallen into another gaslighting-type relationship. My husband was so kind, sweet, thoughtful, and romantic when we were dating. Whdn i was sick, he'd bring my get well kits and help around my home. We were both upfront about who we were at the time and who we thought we’d continue to be, and I’ve definitely upheld my end of that—but I feel like he hasn’t since we got married

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Due to circumstances outside of me being pregnant at the time, we got married pretty quickly, and I happily gave up my saftey, dreams, and career to follow his dreams and career. I love/adore my husband, do everything i can to make his life easy and comfortable, even keeping track of pretty much everything since he is forgetful.

Over this past year, I’ve been feeling more and more drained in our relationship. I’m carrying most of the weight at home while he does very little, aside from playing with our children. If I want him to do anything beyond just existing, I have to ask. This wasn’t what was presented to me when we started our relationship.

Honestly, if he were working his butt off every day and rarely home, I’d understand more. But most days he’s home all day on his phone, does a couple of work-related things at late night that he easily could have done earlier, the complains about being tired the next day. He’ll leave trash or dishes around, mess up things I already tidied, and sometimes get snippy with me when I bring up legitimate concerns—like updating our address through his employer so I can submit insurance claims and get our money back.

I’m feeling less and less loved and supported, and more and more like a “mommy bang maid” again like I was in my last long term relationship. The only difference is that my husband married me and doesn’t scream or break things like my ex did.

I’ve spoken to him, but all he says is that things will get better when he’s not as tired and he's further along in his career. Of and that the stay-at-home parent does EVERYTHING at home while the working parent relaxes when they get home. It’s frustrating because his parents had a similar dynamic when he was a kid, and they’re both very adamant that the work parent his more than capable of help and that he needs to be helpful—but he’s still a complete slob and do anything period unless I ask multiple times. On the flip side, when he asks me for something, I jump up immediately.

On top of that, I’ve noticed our sex feels very one-sided, focused on his needs. The last time we had sex, and I'm not kidding, it lasted maybe two minutes before he was happily fast asleep leaving me with a mess to clean up.

Our house is nearly spotless all the time, I make good home-cooked meals, and I never turn him down. I stay put together and hygienic, and despite all this im treated like Dobby. I keep asking myself: "Why am I not enough to be loved the way I love my partner? What’s wrong with me?"

What's wrong with me?

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