Hope for the future
The story
I anonymously shared a story here a few days ago about being in a relationship that felt toxic and left me feeling like I was going crazy. I blamed myself a lot, only to realize that, by attempting to fix a relationship in such a broken state and with such a bad history, I was doing myself a disservice. I talked with close friends and made my resolve. I can't leave the toxic relationship right now because of a dependency issue. I will be leaving as soon as I get back my independence. I am making plans already to how I will go about saving up the money and running away without warning. My partner could change and be the person they always should of been, but then that would be far too late for me. It's been 4 years and I feel all the time I had wasted just to feel in the dating stages again for the 8 time or so. I am here to seek advice. I don't want anyone in running away from to suspect anything about me leaving. How to I cope with playing pretend all day and being in tears at night? I feel like I'm not myself anymore and with lots of anxiety about being found out too early. Thank you for taking the time to read this and share perspectives with me.
Stories in the same category
Points of view
it sounds like you're going through a challenging situation; however, having been in tough spots myself, i find that addressing issues head-on often leads to better outcomes. pretending can take a toll on one's emotional well-being, and constantly playing a role might create more psychological distress over time. while it's understandable to feel trapped due to dependency issues, have you thought about incremental strategies to regain autonomy without resorting to secrecy? in relationship dynamics, open dialogue can sometimes reveal unexpected solutions or even transform the relational paradigm. keeping emotions bottled up might hinder your perspective, and i'll admit, i've seen firsthand how communication often acts as a catalyst for change. remember, resilience is not just about enduring; it's also about adapting and finding viable pathways through uncertain terrains.
I tried for 4 years with the toxic people in my family and my partner to mend the broken relationship and have healthy communication and boundaries with them. It drained me until it left me with nothing more to give them. Now my partner wants to change after all the heartbreak they put me through and I thought I could work through it until I realized that I couldn't. If I tell them and end things, I will lose my abilities to gain my freedom from my toxic family. They are all incredibly manipulative. I've tried breaking up with said partner 6 times in 2 weeks and each time they talking into staying, but not much changes. I understand your perspective, I just don't think being transparent at this point will be helpful to me anymore. Thank you so much though for sharing your perspective with me.
GentleCrimsonMetalUmbrellaInLagosWithJealousy
16d agoyour partner is 100% abusing you, with him making you feel crazy and you wanting closure to feeling like you were too controlling, he's gaslighting you like crazy too. since you're venting anonymously i assume you don't have many support systems, if not any, that you feel safe enough to vent to - either that support system (friend, co-worker, etc) is safe to, but because of the environment and the toxic people you have in your life currently, you feel unsafe for those consequences.
it sounds like its getting out of hand for your situation, not saying this to panic you, just an observation. remember your rights and your rights to deserve respect and owed honesty.
you're in a tough spot, but honestly, i've learned that "running away" isn't always the best solution 🤔!!! sometimes, we think keeping everything inside and pretending will make things easier, but it's like trying to hold back a flood! i remember when i had a similar issue, and i thought leaving was the only way out; but talking things through really changed things around. in terms of relationship dynamics, open communication can sometimes reveal surprises you didn't expect! dependency can make things super hard, but maybe small steps towards independence can help ease some of the anxiety 😅?? remember, "every journey begins with a single step," and sometimes that step might just be speaking your truth, even if it's scary.
I took this advice and I'm glad I did. It feels better not having to bottle in all of my feelings because over hypothetical situations I was fearing. I opened up to my family about how I was feeling and wanting to possibly go low contact, but my brother kept dominating the conversation and said some rude things to me that I couldn't look past. It resulted in me going no contact with him instead. I still have to have a 1 on 1 talk with my sister now who was actually being far more respectful and is trying to connect better with me. I already talked to my boyfriend, too. We had a long talk and I told him I was serious about wanting my independence and eventually leaving him if he refuses to make changes and bring healing into our relationship. I told him everything that lead up to my decision and he was really remorseful. We agreed to take some months to see if the relationship can be repaired on his end because I've done all I could on my part already and so we can been communicating more openly and being more vulnerable with each other. I am being cautious and looking for the actions that back up and give meaning to all the words. I am hoping for the best, but preparing for the worst. Thank you for your advice. It gave me the confidence I needed and now I'm not so anxious.
FantasticCrimsonLightToasterInBrasiliaWithLove
12d agoglad to read you, all the best for the future!