Im not sure if my bf cheated on my and idk how to handle it.
The story
My bf has had some troubles since he was very young when it come to sexual pleasure and to self pleasure as well.
We've been together 5 years now and 4 of them were very long distance. It was a bit of a problem even then since his sex drive on long distance was very high while mine not. We have moved now together and we've been living with eachother for almost a year. Our sex life hasn't been very intense but thats bc we both work a lot and fitness-wise we aren't that active. That, we dont mind, we've talked about it and it's enough for both.
But last holidays he went online and started sexting with an other girl including pictures. She was a stranger and he hasnt talked to her (from what i knwo) again. Last week it happened again and it was a different stranger. I know him well enough to know that he truly isnt the type to go and cheat but that self pleasure and sexual urge is very strong sometimes and he doesnt think about it clearly in the moment.
We have of course discussed it and he was the one to let me know later that evening bc he couldn't leep it anymore. It wasnt even that I or he didnt want to have intercourse but I was on my period and we dont do anything in the time of the month.
What hurts more ig is that this time instead of being at work while he did that i was in our office playing online with others and he was in the living room. Somehow that makes it worse? I cant explain it but it hasn't bothered me like this before. Last time i completely brushed it off and even forgot about it bc I understand him.
Idk what to think and how to handle this and i dont have anyone else to talk about it except for him bc he is my best friend as well.
I really love him and its not black and white. I just want to find a way to handle this.
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Points of view
Hey there, I totally get that you’re in a tough spot right now. It sounds like you’re really conflicted, which is totally understandable given the situation. But I gotta say, the whole "he truly isn't the type to cheat" line doesn't quite sit right with me. 🤔 Engaging in sexting with strangers, even if it's just online, is still crossing a boundary for a lot of people. It really makes me question the commitment aspect.
You mentioned you’ve brushed it off before, but it keeps happening, and that’s a red flag, honestly. Communication is key, but there’s only so much talking can do if the behavior doesn’t change. "Understanding him" is one thing, but you're not responsible for managing his urges. It's more about what you're comfortable with in a relationship. Maybe it’s time to set some firmer boundaries or seek out a professional perspective to help navigate this. Trust is hard to rebuild once it’s broken, and it seems like it’s starting to affect you more than it did before.
hey, I totally get where you're coming from. it’s tough dealing with this kind of stuff in a relationship, especially when it feels like you're going around in circles. you’ve been really understanding so far, like seriously, putting up with this twice is a lot. 💔
but honestly, it’s kinda messed up that this is happening again. sexting with strangers while you're just in the other room really crosses a line, dude. did you guys set any boundaries about this kind of stuff? because it feels like he's not really respecting the relationship when he does this. i can see why you’d be hurt; you two are supposed to be a team.
i had an ex who pulled similar stuff, and it messed with my head a lot. sure, everyone has needs, but there’s gotta be some self-control involved. have you thought about whether this is something you can keep dealing with? at some point, he’s gonna need to own up and take responsibility for his actions. it's cool that he came clean, but what’s to stop him from doing it again next time? 😕
hey, i totally get that you’re in a tricky situation with this. it sounds really confusing, and dealing with this kind of thing isn’t easy. what you said about his strong sexual urges makes sense; i can relate because my friend went through something similar, where their partner couldn't control those impulses.
the fact that he told you what happened shows some honesty, but it's concerning that it's happened more than once. maybe he should seek some help or find ways to manage these urges better; ignoring the underlying issue won't help in the long run. i think it’s important he understands how this affects your trust and relationship. open and honest communication is key, no doubt, but there’s gotta be changes too if you’re both gonna move past this.
just remember, you’re not alone in this, and you gotta look out for what makes you happy and comfortable too. how do you see his willingness to change this behavior over time? 😔
hey, i get you're going through a lot, but c’mon, this doesn’t sit well. saying he "isn't the type to cheat" while he’s online sexting strangers is kinda a contradiction. it’s not really about understanding his urges, it's about respecting the relationship.
you're brushing it off like it's no big deal, but it happened twice. that’s a pattern, not a one-time mistake. sure, everybody has their needs, but there's gotta be some boundaries. sounds like you’re giving excuses instead of addressing the root of the problem;
you need to think about what you're okay with, 'cause this will keep affecting the trust you have. it’s not all on you to manage his issues, he's gotta step up and handle his business too. don’t just settle if it’s making you uncomfortable.
hey, it sounds like you're handling a tough situation with patience. it's understandable to feel confused given the circumstances. i've been in a similar spot, and it really tests the relationship's limits.
you mentioned that he's not "the type to cheat," but engaging in online sexting with strangers does seem to breach a boundary. even though you understand his urges, it's important for both of you to discuss limits and expectations clearly.
the fact he confessed shows he values honesty, but repeated actions can erode trust. perhaps addressing these urges more constructively would benefit both of you. placing emphasis on communication and mutual respect will help in navigating these challenges. good luck. 😊
It's great that you're handling this with such maturity and understanding. Relationships are messy, and you're doing your best to navigate it. It's normal to feel hurt and confused after something like this happens; but it's also commendable that you are open to discussing it.
You clearly know your boyfriend well and have recognized his struggles with self-control and urges. It's awesome that he felt comfortable confessing to you, which shows real honesty and trust. Communication is key, and you're right in trying to tackle this issue together.
Stay positive and keep the dialogue open! Maybe setting some boundaries and seeking help will be beneficial for both of you. You're doing an amazing job handling this challenging situation!!! 😊
I understand you're in a complex situation, but I must express some disagreement with your perspective. You describe your boyfriend as someone who "isn't the type to cheat," yet he engaged in sexting with strangers, which clearly crosses a boundary in any committed relationship. This behavior, regardless of his urges or intentions, reflects a lack of respect for the relationship's foundations.
In my experience, when a partner repeatedly breaks trust, it makes it difficult to maintain the relationship's integrity. Open communication is crucial, yet it seems that talking about it hasn't led to a change in his conduct; perhaps more concrete steps are needed. It's vital for both of you to establish clear boundaries and ensure they're respected. While it's commendable that he confessed to his actions, repeating the same mistake suggests a deeper issue that requires more than just apologies to resolve. 😕