is sex important in a relationship?
The story
Hey girls & boys!
I am 19 and I am a woman. I have been with my boyfriend for six months. He is also 19. We are young and we try to be kind. Recently we had sex for the first time. It was my first time ever. I did not like it. I hated it. I tried again after. I still hated it. Every time after that I felt the same. It feels like work to me. I feel tired before and after. I feel pressure even when he is sweet. I like him a lot. I like his laugh. I like walking with him. I like texting dumb things at night. Sex is not that for me. I feel broken for saying that. A friend once said, “your body knows before your head.” I think about that a lot. I am polite about it with him. I smile. I try. I do not cry in front of him. I am hopeful because I am young 🙂 I also read posts online and people say it gets better. Maybe. But right now I dread it. I keep asking myself if this is normal. I keep asking if I am doing something wrong.
I remember the first time clearly. It was planned. Music was on. He was nervous. I was more nervous. I told myself to be brave. I told myself this is what couples do. It hurt a bit. It felt strange. Not romantic like movies. Not magical like people say. After, I felt empty. I did not feel closer. I felt further. I felt like I was pretending. The other times were similar. Sometimes worse. Sometimes I counted seconds. I feel bad saying this. He asks if I am okay. I say yes. I hate lying but I hate hurting him more. Someone online wrote, “sex is communication.” I do not feel heard there. I feel small. I feel like I owe something. I wonder if that is love. I wonder if love can be without sex. I am not angry. I am just confused. I am polite to myself too, I try. I keep a small notebook. I write things like, maybe later, maybe different, maybe not.
I ask myself the question in the title a lot. Is sex important in a relationship. People say yes. People say no. People say it depends. I think it depends on the people. I want to talk to him. I want to be honest soon. I am scared but hopeful. I believe relationships can grow. I believe consent is daily. I believe comfort matters. A quote I like says, “love is patience.” I hope that is true for us. I am not broken. I am learning. I am allowed to dislike things. I am allowed to ask for time; Do you think a relationship can be strong without sex for a while. Do you think love should wait. I want answers but I also want peace. I hope we find a way that feels good for both of us.
Stories in the same category
Points of view
Hey there! I just gotta say, it's really brave of you to open up about this; it's not easy and it takes guts. It's totally normal to feel conflicted about sex: it’s something so personal and different for everyone!
You’re absolutely right that love is patience, and I totally believe a relationship can thrive without sex, at least until you both find what makes you comfortable. My first time was awkward too; it took me a while to figure out what felt right for me. Just remember, nobody's doing anything wrong here! relationships are as unique as the people in them, and your feelings are super valid. It sounds like you've got a good head on your shoulders, and communicating with him when you're ready will make a world of difference. You got this!
hey, it's awesome you're sharing this; takes real guts to put yourself out there like that! i just want to say, sex isn't everything in a relationship and it doesn't have to be the centerpiece if it doesn't feel right for you now. But... you will need to find the right person who is OK with that (short term but also long term...), it's not for everyone 😉
I think it's important for a lot of peoples... but not for everyone of course! You will need to see what about your bf...
Hey, thanks for sharing your story. It's so important to remember that every relationship and individual has their own pace and comfort level with these things. You’re definitely not broken! And it's totally normal to question how you're feeling, especially since society often paints a very one-sided picture of what intimacy should be like.... It's understandable to feel pressure, but it’s great that you’re considering talking to him about it! it shows maturity and an understanding of what you need right now.
Hey! It's impressive how self-aware you are through all of this 😊. It sounds like you've been reflecting deeply on what matters to you in a relationship, and that's huge. Have you thought about discussing with him what intimacy looks like for both of you beyond just the physical? Sometimes exploring emotional or intellectual connections can be just as fulfilling as sexual ones.
good luck for the discussion! 💪🤞
I feel you, and honestly, you're not broken at all for feeling this way; relationships are more than just sex and sometimes focusing on building a strong emotional connection first makes the journey even better.
Your story resonates with countless individuals in similar predicaments. The concept of sexual intimacy being integral to a relationship can indeed vary greatly between partners, illustrating the necessity for mutual understanding and candid dialogue. While societal narratives often glorify sexual interactions as quintessential, personal experiences may diverge; This disparity does not equate to inadequacy or dysfunction within you or your relationship. It might be insightful to initiate a discussion with your boyfriend about your sentiments, fostering an environment where both emotions and boundaries are respected; love is multifaceted and patient.
It is rather surprising that you believe sex to be of such negative impact on your relationship;!!! Your inclination towards feelings of discomfort may indicate a need for introspection and communication with your partner before things exacerbate. Relationships are indeed more than physical intimacy, and the dynamics could pivot around mutual understanding and emotional connection. 🙂
Hey! Honestly, I really admire your honesty and self-awareness!! props for that 😊. It's true that society can make us feel like there's a "right" way to approach intimacy, but there isn't just one path. You're right in thinking that love is patience and sometimes it requires stepping back to figure out what works for you both. Your relationship shouldn’t be defined by the pressure to conform to what's expected; rather, it should be about understanding and mutual respect. Don't rush or force anything; the right thing happens at the right time when you're comfortable. Talk with him openly when you feel ready; it's crucial for building trust and connection beyond just physical intimacy. You're doing great by prioritizing communication and reflection!
Hey! With all due respect, feeling the way you do isn't uncommon. 👍 You shouldn't force yourself into what doesn't feel right. Relationships should prioritize mutual comfort and honestly, it seems like you're already understanding that sex isn't everything. Your clarity about needing time is commendable! take it at your own pace and truly listen to what feels right for you both long term.
honestly, it's refreshing to see someone questioning the importance and role of sex in a relationship because society tends to push this narrative that it's crucial for intimacy; relationships should be about what makes both people comfortable and content, not about fitting into some predefined mold; it's critical to remember that love doesn't have a single formula, and your comfort and feelings are just as valid as anyone else's.
hey! i totally get where you're coming from, and it's really refreshing to hear someone being so honest about their experiences. honestly, the first few times aren't always great for everyone, and that's okay. sometimes it takes time to find out what works for you both... and that's part of the journey. plus, it's not just about sex; being comfortable and having fun with each other in simple ways is super important too! 😊 i remember when my partner and i were starting out, we found more joy in just hanging out and doing silly stuff together than anything else. also, never feel bad for wanting to take things at your own pace or being unsure; it’s all part of figuring things out together. keep communicating openly with him—that's what matters most! 💕
Thank you for sharing such an honest and introspective account of your experience!
First off, you're absolutely not broken for feeling this way, and it's totally okay to question things. It's refreshing to see someone being so honest with themselves and willing to explore their feelings. Sex is often hyped up as the ultimate connection but honestly, every relationship is unique. While many see it as vital, others thrive on emotional depth and companionship. From my experience, when I took the time to focus on building a meaningful connection first, everything else eventually fell into place naturally. Give yourself grace, communicate with your boyfriend, and remember that what's important is what feels right for both of you at any given time 😊
Honestly, you're treating sex like a chore! If it feels like work, maybe step back and reassess what you really want. Relationships ain't all about what's between the sheets; sure, they say it's important...but is it if it's making you miserable? Dive into what genuinely sparks joy for both of you without the pressure of doing what's "expected." 😒 Communication isn't just letting words flow; it's understanding each other beyond expectations. Look at this as a chance to redefine things instead of fitting a mold.
Hey there! Your experience is incredibly valid, and believe me—many people feel the same way but don’t talk about it. It's understandable to be confused about sex's role in a relationship, especially with all the mixed messages out there. When I was your age, I remember feeling like some puzzle pieces were missing in my understanding of relationships because expectations felt so different from reality. Relationships can absolutely thrive without sex for a while; focusing on emotional intimacy and shared experiences can build an even stronger foundation. Have you considered exploring what kinds of intimacy make you happy? It might help guide your discussions with your boyfriend when you're ready to share how you're feeling.
Yo, I totally get where you're coming from! It’s awesome that you’re questioning what works best for you. Like my grandma used to say, “Rome wasn’t built in a day,” and neither is intimacy 😂; Taking your time to explore how you feel can lead to stronger connections in the long run. It's definitely possible to have a solid relationship without focusing on sex right away. Trust your gut and remember, as long as both of y'all are open about it, you're on the right path!
i totally feel you on this one, the pressure that surrounds first-time experiences is massive!
yo, it sounds like you're trying to force yourself into this idea of what a relationship "should" be rather than focusing on what actually feels right for you; sex isn't some magic glue that holds everything together if it's just making you stress out and feel crappy, so maybe the real magic is in finding a balance that actually makes both of you happy instead of ticking off the boxes of supposed relationship goals.