is my husband a narcissist?
The story
I’m 31 and I’ve been married for 5 years, and lately I keep hearing from my mom that my husband is a narcissist. I don’t know what to think anymore because sometimes he does things that feel so selfish and cold, but then other times he acts normal and I get confused if maybe I’m just overthinking. For example, he never asks how my day was unless I bring it up first, and even then he just nods or changes the subject back to him. When I got a promotion at work last year, instead of congratulating me he said, “Well, don’t get cocky, it’s not a big deal.” That really stung because I had worked so hard for it. Another time, we were at dinner with friends and I was telling a story, and he cut me off to correct a small detail in front of everyone. It embarrassed me and made me feel like a child. My mom insists this is all classic narcissist behavior, that he always needs to be the center of attention and can’t let me have my moments, but I don’t know if it’s that deep or just him being insensitive. He also gets very defensive if I bring up anything about his attitude, like I’m attacking him, and then somehow it turns into me apologizing even when I was just trying to talk. When we had a fight about money, he said I was “lucky” he even pays most of the bills, even though I contribute a lot too. Sometimes he even makes me feel guilty for needing help around the house, like laundry or dishes, as if asking for equal effort makes me needy. These things pile up and make me wonder if this is who he really is, or if I’m just listening too much to my mom’s voice in my head.
But then again, he isn’t always cruel. He buys me flowers once in a while, he takes me out for dinner on my birthday, and when his family visits he’s polite and attentive, so I keep asking myself if maybe I’m just being too critical. I think what really confuses me is how he can seem so charming to other people, but with me it’s like I get the short end of the stick; is that how narcissists usually are? He’ll brag about my career to his friends but in private tell me I’m not ambitious enough. He’ll post a nice picture of us online but then mock my outfit before we even leave the house. He says I’m too sensitive and need to toughen up, but it feels like he’s dismissing me instead of listening. Sometimes I question myself, like maybe I’m the one with unrealistic expectations. But then when I talk to my mom, she makes it sound black and white: he’s a narcissist, end of story. Still, I don’t want to throw around labels without being sure. I feel trapped between wanting to defend him and wanting to finally admit he might not be good for me. Has anyone else been in this kind of situation? How do you really know if someone is a narcissist or if they’re just flawed in ways that hurt you sometimes? I keep going back and forth in my head, doubting everything, and I wonder if that in itself is part of the problem.
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Points of view
Dealing with what sounds like a narcissistic partner can be super confusing and exhausting. It’s like, one minute everything feels normal, and then the next, you’re questioning everything..... I had a friend who was in a similar boat, and she felt the exact same way—like he was two different people sometimes. It's great that your husband does nice things occasionally, but those actions don’t quite erase the hurtful stuff, ya know? I wonder if he's even aware of how his behavior affects you; being open about how you feel could be a total game-changer for both of you. There's hope in communication; what if you both sat down with a counselor to see if these are things that can be worked on together?
It seems like there are definitely some red flags in your relationship, but it’s important to approach these situations with a balanced perspective. 🤔 While your husband's behavior appears to exhibit signs of narcissism, it might also be indicative of someone who’s simply inconsiderate or insensitive. His apparent lack of support and dismissive attitude can undoubtedly feel hurtful. However, before labeling him as a narcissist, have you considered discussing these specific behaviors with a professional for guidance??? It's quite concerning that his charming persona seems reserved for others, leaving you feeling marginalized—a situation that resonates deeply with my experience. How do you feel about the dichotomy between his public persona and private behavior?!?!
he is probably, yes!
it's tough when you're stuck in such a mind loop. been there, and it messes with your head, right? 😟 sounds exhausting to juggle those mixed signals. sometimes people do have two sides, and it's hard to know what's real. those small gestures, like buying flowers or celebrating your special day, can sometimes feel like a band-aid on bigger issues. but it's still tough to decide if they're a sign of genuine care or just something else. your mom's view might be black and white, and maybe that's not helpful now. relationships are so nuanced. but you have to ask yourself, do those actions make you feel loved or just confused? communication might bring some clarity, even if it's a difficult convo to have. what's your gut telling you when you strip away the noise?
Hey there, I totally get where you’re coming from with your situation. It sounds like you're really wrestling with conflicting emotions and trying to make sense of your husband's behavior. It must be so challenging to navigate those ups and downs in your relationship, feeling torn between understanding his actions and recognizing their impact on you. The fact that he exhibits both caring and hurtful behaviors can create a whirlwind of confusion and self-doubt. 🌪️ Have you considered setting some boundaries or having a heart-to-heart conversation about how his actions make you feel? Sometimes, expressing your emotions openly can shed light on underlying issues and lead to positive changes in the dynamic. It might also be helpful to reflect on what you truly deserve in a relationship and whether his behavior aligns with your values and needs. Remember, it's okay to prioritize your well-being and seek clarity in situations that leave you feeling conflicted. Stay strong! 💪🏼
Man, that sounds like a tough spot to be in. It must be so confusing dealing with someone who's all over the place with their behavior, making you question yourself constantly. 🤔 Have you ever tried keeping a journal maybe? Writing down these instances when they happen can give you some clarity and patterns to see if it's a consistent thing or just random moments of insensitivity. I totally get your struggle; it's like walking on eggshells, never really sure which version of them you'll get. How do you navigate those conflicting feelings when he shows those glimpses of kindness amidst the hurtful actions?
he seems to be one, yes... sorry! :-/
he looks like, sorry
It seems like you're stuck in a cycle of doubt and second-guessing yourself, which can really take a toll on your mental health; is it possible that both you and your mom have some valid points about his behavior, but that reality might be somewhere in the middle rather than fitting neatly into one label or another?