Life is a cruel game.
The story
I’ve been married for five years, and for most of that time, it truly felt like I was living in a dream. We rarely fought, shared the same values, and were building a life together that felt stable, even joyful. I’ve never loved anyone the way I love her.
But everything changed last year when she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. It was aggressive. We tried everything — surgery, chemo, second opinions — but none of it helped. Now we’ve moved into palliative care. The focus is no longer on saving her, just on easing the pain.
A few weeks ago, she sat me down and told me something I wasn’t expecting. She said she had reconnected with her ex-boyfriend after her diagnosis. That at first, it was just talking — reminiscing, catching up — but over time, she realized she still had feelings for him. She told me she still loved me, but that she also loved him. And now, in what may be the final months of her life, she wanted to explore that connection again — not instead of me, but alongside me. She asked me to support her in it.
I asked if she had cheated, and she swore she hadn’t. She said it’s just been emotional, not physical. But I couldn’t shake what it meant. I tried to understand. I told her she was free to do what she wanted — I wouldn't make this any harder by talking about separation or divorce — but I also told her that I couldn’t keep pretending we were still the same couple. I couldn’t hold onto the version of us I thought was real, not with this hanging between us. Something had broken.
She was hurt, and I get why. She ended up going to stay with her parents. Since then, most of the people around me have turned cold. They see me as the one who walked away, the one who abandoned her when she needed support most. And maybe that’s true. Maybe I should’ve found a way to just accept it — to be there, unconditionally, knowing this is the end. But I couldn’t. I still can’t.
It's all coming apart, and it is my fault.
Stories in the same category
Points of view
Bro, seriously??? You just bailed on her when she needed you the most??? 🤨 No one’s perfect, and yeah, it’s messed up to bring in an ex, but dude, she’s facing the end!!!! How could you not be there for her??!!! But hey, maybe it's time to think about what's best for both of you... 🤷♂️ But like, if it was emotional and not physical, why couldn't you just talk it out???? Express your own feelings too, man. Maybe she needed a friend in you instead of throwing it all away like that!! Stay strong and think it through, but next time maybe don't just dip???
I did not just dip. Reread the post. I told her I cannot support her engaging in a relationship with her ex. She left.
If you think I'm an asshole for telling her I cannot remain romantically involved with her if she is seeing her ex again, fine, but at least get your facts straight.
To be clear - she was asking for my support in her rekindling her romantic relationship to her ex. It was not about her talking to him, it's normal to reach out to old friends, former partners, etc facing this. That is not the subject of the post. The inciting incident was her suggesting what amounts to an open relationship where she dates her ex and comes home to me. I told her she's free to do it if she wants, and that I wouldn't ask for a divorce or anything, but that it changes the dynamic between us and that I cannot pretend otherwise. She decided to end her relationship with me (minus getting a formal divorce) in order to pursue a relationship with him. Am I being selfish? Probably, but the alternative is to lie to her face for the rest of her life. She asked for my thoughts, I gave them, she decided to leave me over it.
Your response implies that I just left, no discussion or anything, because she talked to her ex. That is not what my post says, nor is it how it happened. We've talked for hours about it, her stance is clear, as is mine, and she decided that pursuing a relationship with him for the rest of her life is important enough to sacrifice our relationship. I don't begrudge her for that, I begrudge the whole terrible situation.
If your dying spouse asked you to rekindle a romantic relationship with someone else, what would you do? If you can accept that, you're a better man than me, but in your current analysis of my post, you're missing a key factor.
Hey again...
Indeed, I think I totally missed the depth of your story the first time—my bad. Rereading everything now, I get it way more, and wow... that’s a lot to carry. Really appreciate you explaining things. Wishing you strength in all this—seriously. If there’s any space to protect your peace, even in small ways, I hope you take it. I don't know what I would do in your situation... 😥
you are in a tight spot man when you live someone that deep and they bring up there ex that must have shattered you but relationship won't be the same that's the truth but since she is going through her final moments possibly she was just honest with you and told you as a friend and partner try to accept it but it's your choice what you want to do but don't leave her alone saying from the patient point of view.Its obvious people around you won't understand your pain but care for her as a human you know and had good relationship with.
honestly, i totally get why you reacted the way you did. navigating emotional betrayals, particularly within the context of terminal illness, is a profoundly complex challenge. it's like a cognitive dissonance where you're expected to reconcile your emotional hurt with being a supportive partner. i once had to deal with a breach of trust, and it felt almost impossible to manage; you're forced to confront a new reality where your emotional investment seems compromised. the fact that she wanted to explore this connection while still in a relationship with you is perplexing!!! it is crucial to acknowledge your own emotional boundaries and take care of your mental health. remember, your response is a genuine manifestation of your own emotional struggle and not an indication of neglecting her needs. keep your head high, and someday, your resilience and understanding will lead to healing!!!!