Hey y'all, I've been feeling all kinds of mixed up emotions lately, and I just need to let it out somewhere. So bear with me while I lay it down. About a month ago, my husband died in a car accident. Yeah, he was driving drunk again. It's hard to say this out loud but I'm relieved he's gone... He was an alcoholic who turned violent over the years and living in that fear every single day was wearing me down real bad.

I know it sounds harsh but before he became that person, we had some good times together. That's why it's so confusing for me right now... one part of me feels free and liberated from all his violence and controlling behavior. Like, no more walking on eggshells around him or worrying about another blow-up.

But then there's this other side where I'm genuinely sad 'cause I did love him once upon a time when things were different between us! Quoting the old adage "time heals all wounds" might be true someday for me too but right now? Man, it just feels complicated AF.

It's like I'm caught in between being happy that the nightmare is over 'cause let's be real: nobody deserves to live like that... yet mourning what could've been if only he'd stayed sober or changed somehow (though deep down I knew he never would). So yeah that's where my head's at these days: sad & happy...

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