My wife, Sarah, and I have been happily married for about a year. We generally get along great, but there’s one problem: Sarah can’t cook. At all. Since the beginning of our marriage, I've always been the one taking care of preparing our meals. Initially, I didn't mind because I actually like to cook. However, as time passed, this task began to exhaust me, particularly after long days at work when I’d have to start cooking dinner while Sarah relaxed. Despite my attempts to encourage her to learn, she insists that being unable to cook is not an issue, which has been a recurring source of tension between us.

Recently, the situation came to a head when my mother visited us for dinner. That evening, I was busy in the kitchen, as usual, getting everything ready. Sarah was chatting with my mom in the dining area. At one point, my mom came into the kitchen to help and asked me if she should take care of the gravy or chop some fruit. My wife happened to be by my side then, so my mom handed her a knife and asked her to help with the fruit while she dealt with the gravy. Sarah struggled with the knife and couldn't even cut the fruit properly, making quite a mess. My mom couldn't help but watch this and blurted out, "It’s honestly kind of pathetic that you don’t even know how to cut a piece of fruit at your age." She then showed Sarah how to cut properly, like you would show a kid.

The whole evening, after that incident, I could tell Sarah was upset. Once my mom had left, Sarah confronted me, upset that I hadn’t defended her. She felt embarrassed that I allowed such a scene to unfold. We argued fiercely, and I ended up pointing out that it indeed was embarrassing for someone her age not to know how to handle basic kitchen tasks. She argued that wasn’t the point, insisting that I should have supported her regardless.

The dispute left us both wondering about the state of our relationship. She thinks I am a huge jerk for not defending her... maybe she’s right?

Imagine if our dilemma was a segment on a reality-TV show. The drama certainly fits the bill—tension, family dynamics, a heated dispute. Reality audiences likely would have strong opinions, picking sides, and debating whether my frustration is justified or if Sarah’s indignation over the incident is more warranted. On TV, our kitchen catastrophe could have sparked a wave of viewer reactions and perhaps even led to some kind of audience vote on our behavior. The whole idea makes me wonder how our dispute would play out in the pubic eye of a television drama.

Would the viewers sympathize more with me or with Sarah? Would they think Sarah should take cooking lessons, or argue that I need to be more patient?

Should partners ALWAYS defend each other, regardless of skills?