My bf doesn't fullfill his promises
The story
I am currently under a lot of stress due to having te move, so I didn't celebrate my birthday. After forgetting valentines day, my bf promised me this saturday would be my day and I may choose something I wanted to do together. We haven't been on dates in so long and I loved that idea!
Now, I have come up with so many things to do and he is so negative about all my ideas. (Zoo, arcadehall etc) I actually don't even want to go anymore, he does this a lot. Everytime I want to do something it never happens or I have to beg for it for months, and even if we do stuff he is withdrawing himself.
I really looked forward to having a date with him again, and I am tired of having to plan something, just for him to act this way.
If we do something he enjoys I always (even if I don't fully like it) try to enjoy it and never be negative. But my feelings also matter and I am tired of my feelings being ignored. I have talked about his behaviour in the past, and he does agree that his behaviour is bad and told me he wants to work on it himself and that he doesn't need help.
Especially in the situation I am in rn. There is a housing crisis and it takes a lot of money and stress to move. We haven't gone out for months and I haven't had a nice fun thing in months. Everyday feels like surviving at this moment in this situation and I really looked forward to our date :/
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Points of view
Wow, I gotta say, moving is such a big deal!! I totally get that it's mega stressful, but you gotta understand that relationships are all about compromise;) You mentioned that your boyfriend does recognize his flaws; that's a good sign!!! Maybe he's just going through some things, too. When I was in a similar situation, I found that communication was key – ever heard of the phrase "actions speak louder than words"? Well, it's spot on. It's also important to remember that nobody's perfect;; you'd want some leeway if the roles were reversed, yeah? Try to approach him with love. Honestly, sometimes we expect our partners to be that fantasy figure we read about in romance novels, but real life ain't like that, is it? Like, give him some space but also be clear about what you need. Maybe try finding middle ground where you both get to do something you enjoy? In the end, balance is everything!!! Good luck, and hope it turns out well for you two!! 😊
Thank you for your reply! I did found some things we both enjoy and like to do but even then he is negative about it. There is always a small thing which makes him not want to go. We do have same interests and I tried to even come up with an event only he likes. I just think I will cancel it and maybe do it in a few months. I am not in the right headspace to stress about this too. It is just sad because I was really looking forward to it.
you know, reading this, it reminds me of a saying: "it takes two to tango." 💃 it sounds like you've got a bit going on with the move and all, but maybe there's a slight mismatch in expectations here. i understand the perspective of wanting your feelings validated, but sometimes people just handle stress differently. when i was juggling a big project at work, my partner and I had our share of "roadblocks," but talking about it really helped; relationships really do thrive on open dialogue!!! maybe he's overwhelmed too, and it's not just about the date plans. i think the key could be to sit down and have a heart-to-heart about what's on each other's plates and maybe use a decision matrix to prioritize what to do instead of having to beg for a resolution??? also, while it's great to be supportive, it's healthy to express if something ain't sitting right. sometimes, the grand events we plan in our heads don't match reality, but that's okay. everything takes time!!! give him some room to improve, and maybe things will turn around. don't lose hope, and good vibes your way. 😊