Soooo embarrassed!!
The story
I’m so embarrassed!!! And I feel like this is the end of everything!!!
Oh my god!! What is wrong with me! And I feel so bad!! So so sorry!!
Ok, getting to the point now. So little context here. I’m leaving for grad school in like 3 weeks. That’s it. 1,2,3, gone. And this last couple months has been a little hard. I’ve really tried to keep it under wraps, but it ALL came spilling out last night. Anyway, my boyfriend of 3 years is going on a trip. He goes on this trip every year to the same place with his dad and his brother. They plan for it for around the same time every year. But in turn for this one trip, my boyfriend must sacrifice any future time off. More context, I’ve been planning a trip right before I leave. Not even a full week, just 4-5 days. And I know from the past that if I ask I’ll be told no. So I didn’t really tell him I wanted him to come. But I do. I had this unrealistic expectation that he would not go fishing one year so he could come on a trip with me since he knows we don’t have a lot of time together left. And it’s a lot to ask of someone, so I kept it to myself. But all this week he’s been working extra long hours to compensate for leaving. And I made sure to be at the house every night so we could see each other a little before he leaves, but it was more like he would get home super late, eat dinner, we’d chat about our day for an hour, and he’d go to sleep. And of course he put off packing until the last day. I had had a long day, so I decide I want to have a drink chillax and read a book while I waited. I grab one, and I didn’t realize that I was so dehydrated that two drinks and I was drunk. Which isn’t normally that big of a deal. But he’d been packing for 2 hours and I was spinning and thinking of all the things that have happened this year- graduated college, moved in with boyfriend, went through 3 different jobs, best friend moved away, parents divorced, and all the little things throughout the week, and I had a panic attack. I was overwhelmed and drunk. And I feel so bad cause he had to comfort me, but he should have been packing and I was just a problem, and he probably is so annoyed and is questioning everything, cause everything came out! All my emotions and just all the build up and maybe I wanted a little bit of attention, cause there had been so little this whole week and there won’t be any next week, but it was the totally wrong way to go about it. I wasn’t planning on getting that intoxicated, but I didn’t do a very good job at monitoring myself either. Anyway, there were a lot of tears, some falling over, just an overall hot mess. And I told him all the things I was feeling- just everything! In no coherent order or way! And I feel so bad, cause it was such a asshole move of me!
Anyway, that’s my rant. I feel bad, and now I’m hung over and my boyfriend is probably glad to have some distance from me.
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Hey, it sounds like you had a really overwhelming night and you're not alone in feeling like that sometimes! It's like all those stressors just decided to have a conference in your head all at once, right? 😂 Just to share a little, I remember a time when I was juggling deadlines and ended up unravelling at the worst possible moment in front of my partner too. It’s natural to have moments where everything spills over, especially when monumental life changes are on the horizon like grad school. Don't be too hard on yourself; sometimes these emotional surges are necessary for us to recalibrate. Plus, it’s really important to communicate openly with your boyfriend about what you want and need; you might be pleasantly surprised at how supportive he can be, even if it doesn’t align perfectly with what you imagined. Remember, relationships thrive on communication - think of it as engaging in a bilateral dialogue. Hold onto the positive aspects of your relationship and express that gratitude; it really helps to contextualize the smaller hiccups. You’ve got this, and here’s hoping for a brighter, more balanced week ahead!
ugh, that totally sucks, but I get where you're coming from. sounds like you had one hell of a meltdown; just like a ticking time bomb waiting to explode, huh? 🙃 it's just wild how life can throw so much at you all at once, like when it rains, it pours, right? think of it as a malfunction in your personal emotional processor. been there, done that too—totally blindsided my partner with my own cocktail of life and stress. honestly, it sounds like your boyfriend should've been more clued in to your stressed-out vibes at home. i mean, how hard is it to notice the blaring emotional alarms? but it's not unheard of for partners to occasionally miss the mark on the empathy radar. maybe take a breather and regroup once the hangover cloud clears. hang in there; you're navigating some heavy currents.
Watch some kitty shows maybe it will help you