So boom, got a boyfriend, very in love with me, missing me, texting everyday, great intimate moments, sweet all rounded guy. Tho lately, these past couple of days, he's been distant. Then he told me he's bipolar, like diagnosed. Now I was questioning, did he get with me out of mania? I was searching online about people with bipolar and things like "they could cheat or break up with you during an episode" or "they say certain things that aren't logical and you just need to go along with it" and " you can try your best to support but you can't love bipolar away, if you do, your words will go in one ear and out the other, if you're with someone who has bipolar then you'll likely need a therapist" and scary shit like "the disorder will get worse and worse, if they don't take care of it, it will mess with the brain, death."

Then I was like okay, I know he has this, it's okay that he's distant but I was still worried. It hurts but it was also apart of the relationship. I think I'm a very justice-oriented person, hard for me to leave hurt people alone to fend for themselves. I was pouring the best I could into him with support and care, but it all seems kinda useless as sometimes he didn't respond or gave a bit of a dry response which caused me to overthink, like if I did something wrong. That's not all of who he is tho, he's a very great guy, I wanna say the greatest guy I know (I have a past with bad men in general whether family or guys online.) I will add I'm 18 and he's a year older.

Currently? Idk why but he unfriended me and unfollowed me on two separate apps. He didn't say anything, the last thing he said to me was that I was handsome and other kind stuff. Obviously, I've been pretty sad, he really healed me and I loved him, even tho I didn't really realize it because it's not like it's been that long. Tho I'm left wondering, could it be the depressive episode he's in? I searched online and saw stuff like "bipolar ghosting or how interacting can just be exhausting for them." Did he stabilize and realize he didn't wanna be with me and regret everything?

Ughh why did he have to do it so close to Valentine's day, this is embarrassing for me to get dumped like this if that's even the case.

I'm really alone again, he really did make me happy. It's a different type of happiness, like wow I have someone to do things with and we enjoy each other's company.

I also just feel like my family hates me, they didn't say anything and I didn't do anything but I feel like I would be better off gone. It doesn't help that I still have this ugly hairstyle on my head, everyone is telling me to wait it out. Times like this, I wanna do something drastic and impulsive, killing myself would be the most but I'll try to do something more tame. I don't really see anything improving and even if I tried, it wouldn't help as I see this far. I haven't been this close to killing myself, usually it's just passively but now I feel I could actually do it, my next step is figuring out how and writing a letter. Since I'll be doing this, I'll do some impulsive decisions before. I do kinda wanna wait and kill myself at 20 as I feel emotions would hit the most but that's too long. I think I'll probably just be dedicating this year to planning ways to get off this planet. People don't take suicidal people seriously until they're dead anyways so it will allow me to stop whining and just skip to the part where people suddenly care. Don't get me wrong, I try to take care of myself, working out, having hobbies, trying to get out there, putting myself out there, brushing my teeth, showering but none of that can get rid of my mental illness, it seems to be getting worse and just coming back again am again for however long, from either a few days or weeks or hours. I don't expect people here to know how to help me as I know it's a complex and hard problem that I probably should be in a psych ward for. This is just kinda my letter.

Thank you for anyone who reads all this 🩷🖤 Happy Valentine's Day! Remember that this is a day for love of any kind, not just romantic. c:

Stories in the same category