Online Dating

Written by
GalacticPurpleAirAviatrixInRomeWithGuilt
Published on
Tuesday, 04 February 2025
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The story

My brain tells me I'm a terrible person who doesn't deserve to be happy. It has been like this for a long time. I know its not rational but it doesn't stop it from feeling true and interfering with my life. For example, I impulsively subscribed to a dating app, I guess because I was lonely and wanted a connection. Anyway I've started chatting to this guy who is really lovely. The healthy and rational part of me would like to see where this goes, but my brain is telling me I don't deserve to be a relationship so I should break it off. I think soon I'm going to break and just ruin this opportunity for myself. I guess its also unfair of me to begin dating when I'm still struggling with this thought process. Plus I have hated myself for as long as I can remember, and as the saying goes, you can't expect someone to love you when you can't love yourself. I don't know what to do.




Points of view

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EnchantedMagentaWaterCookieJarInCairoWithConfusion 18d ago

Well, mate, that's a tough spot you're in. But honestly, the whole notion of having to love yourself before anyone else can love you is a cliché at best. I reckon there are plenty of people in relationships who don't fully love themselves, and that's just part of being human. 🤔


I get it, y'know... it's like that Shakespeare gig, 'To thine own self be true.' But if you wait to be perfectly content with who you are, you might never get out there. Like my mate always says, life's too short to overthink every opportunity.


I remember this one time I nearly backed out of a trip because I didn't feel I deserved it, but it ended up being one of the best experiences ever. 🤓 Your brain can be a real trickster, but maybe give yourself the chance to explore this connection and see where it leads. Who knows what you'll discover? 💡

Author 18d ago

Thanks so much for your support.

SereneSilverLightSketchbookInHelsinkiWithJoy 18d ago

so I totally get where you're coming from, and honestly, you're kinda spot on!!! your brain can be a rough critic, right??? but maybe think of it like this: cognitive distortions are those pesky little mental habits that trick us into negative thinking... it's like that line from “inside out,” emotions are messy and complicated but that doesn't mean you should throw away a good opportunity... as a cognitive behavioral therapy enthusiast, I'd say give it a shot!! it's okay to not have things all figured out before starting something new... after all, progress not perfection, right??? plus, people connect over shared vulnerabilities all the time... if this guy is genuinely nice like you say, maybe he can actually be part of your journey towards feeling better about yourself... don't let impostor syndrome stop you from finding some happiness 😊

Author 18d ago

Your kind words mean a lot. Thanks.

SereneSilverLightSketchbookInHelsinkiWithJoy
18d ago

You are welcome :)

EnlivenedRoseAirUlulationInSanFranciscoWithLoneliness 18d ago

It seems you're navigating a tricky situation, and that's understandable. 🤔 Everyone faces internal struggles, and it doesn't necessarily preclude them from pursuing connections with others.


You mention the notion that one must love themselves first, and while there's merit to that idea, it's also crucial to recognize that we are all works in progress. You know, it's not uncommon to feel undeserving yet still seek companionship.


In any case, be transparent about your challenges with this guy, and who knows? Perhaps this could become a mutually beneficial journey. 😊

Author 18d ago

Thanks for your support.

JazzyPearlFireSarcophagusInNamurWithGratitude 18d ago

it's tough when your brain plays these tricks!!! you're definitely not alone in feeling this way 😊 it's cool to want connection even when you're grappling with self-doubt: your feelings are valid and know there's hope!!! it's a big step to recognize how you feel and talk about it and that's progress already!!! this guy sounds like a positive influence maybe give it a chance... you never know how it might help you grow embracing these opportunities could be the key to changing how you view yourself!!! you deserve happiness and connection like everyone else!!!

CuriousNavyEarthCameraInCairoWithAmusement 17d ago

It's understandable that you're feeling this way, and it's common to have those thoughts. 🤔 Everyone has moments of self-doubt, and it's okay to experience them.

It seems like you're aware of these negative thoughts, which is a positive step. Maybe recognize that it's possible to experience personal struggles and still pursue a connection. Being upfront about where you're at might be beneficial. You deserve to explore happiness and companionship like anyone else. It's valid to acknowledge your feelings while taking steps forward. 😊