Why am I this way?

I hate myself. I always manage to self-sabotage whenever something good is finally happening to me. Now I have someone to actually care for but it’s April fools today and I felt like pranking him so me and my friend made up a story of how another guy is asking me to be duos on a game. I’m actually so scared and worried. I feel like we’re going to fall out. I don’t know how to approach him about it either because it was mentioned in a group chat and I’m not even sure if he’s mad or jealous about it. I’m worried he’ll think I actually play guys. An ex friend of mine made up a rumor about me that I was talking to him while liking two other guys. Completely false, by the way.

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