My whole childhood(until 10 years old) I spent in the biggest room of our little house, alone and surrounded only by plushies and markers. Dad was always away for work. Mom was busy with her own job. I was left alone. No one to talk to, no one to play with, and no one to hug but myself. At first it may seem like they didn't care at all, but no, my parents are amazing people, they were just... busy.

(And yes, I know most people here would much prefer some sort of cheating drama but this is a venting app okay? also sorry if I make any writing mistakes english isn't my first language)

Two years later Im sitting in my room, now living in an apartment, reading smut after smut in an attempt to feel any kind of connection. school is horrible, each day feels like routine and my only way out is doomscrolling and spacing out with music on full volume in my headphones, pretending life is okay. I feel this void inside me, this sickening urge to seek out somebody, anybody who would just hold me for hours on end. I long for an embrace and yet I am too scared to ask for it straight up because I am not used to speaking. That's where the second thing comes in — my speach. J constantly stutter, I struggle with expressing my opinions, I have sudden waves of talking whenever I get the chance, and I will never be able to speak out about the void inside me. That moves on to the next thing:I'm afraid of telling th8s to my parents. Why? Well, dad has his own trauma and he shows it by joking about spanking me with a belt, by saying "growing up strong can only happen if you have been hurt in childhood" and it drives me nuts. Also, my mom is all about being all supportive and modern, but the whole "always calm down first" thing? And worst of all, drum roll please, therapy is shamed in our country! Another thing I want to mention is praise — I never got much praise beyond my drawing skills and my ambition for learning english. So now, whenever I get complimented, I always reask to make sure it's not a joke, that they mean it, and is a desperate attempt to get more praise. Because toys can't tell me of I'm good at something or not.

Alright, I think that's enough. Thank you for being here, and thank you for listening!

(https://youtu.be/bCoMKguyo7w?si=4WpOGA-Err0zJXIF)

Stories in the same category