Update on the Life makes me vomit
The story
I'm 16 now. I forgot all about Kanye and many other situationships. I have a boyfriend now. Nick and I have been together for 9 months now. He kinda gives me a reason to live. We don't argue much, we can't actually start arguments anyway. But when either of us is down or feeling tired of everything, we sort it out. Many times when I fought with my dad and aunt, i would hide in the small living room that's no longer used in my aunt's floor. I'd lock myself up and call him. He always eased me. Sometimes in the past, we had a lot of miscommunication. Mostly because he saw our future while i couldn't see my own. He'd say stuff like "don't say that" or "I won't let you". It never really solved it. He has that habit now too. But I want to believe I've talked him out of it. I still fight with my dad a lot. But now, it's politics too. And religion. Because genuinely, I'm tired of the church he brings us to. It feels like a cult. And all of the words they say contradict each one. Yet some have some ground to them. Like goverment hating us all. The political parties just being a cover up so monsters with no brain can hide under red maga hats. But the all loving God? How is he all loving if he "hates lgtbq", "hates immigrants", "hates different religions", "hates sinners"? I'm pansexual but I've only come out to a few friends and my boyfriend. So, the God I'm supposed to pray and ask for help hates me? Interesting point. Very interesting. Makes me believe that Satan was treated absolutely unfair. What? Not my fault the church is not really God and it's actually men who would rather have me a sex worker than a scientist. Whatever. The point is; Everything still tires me to the bone. I'm tired. Of pretending I like things. I hate the system. I hate the God that men have shown. I hate the goverment. I hate people who think violence is an answer to someone being different, whether it is skin tone, sexual preference or just fashion style. I hate people who think they know it all but aren't trying to see a point from all views. I hate how the victims are getting blamed while the abusers and rapists are walking free and are having good lives. I hate how sensitive I get over things around me. But am I really the sensitive one if nobody has empathy and sympathy in this day and age? How are you expecting me to think of my future and enter a society that hates me and would rather have me killed than see me walking on the street? Guess what, I don't have a future at this point. All I will see and hear is that the work I want to study and do for the rest of my life, which is chemical engineering, is not somethjing for me. Very few teachers believe that I'll actually get that job. Not just because the system won't let me, but also because I'm a woman. And a gifted one too. I ace school tests and exams like I'm playing a game. My teacher who does extra lessons to me for physics and chemistry so i can be ahead of people says he has seen brains like mine once in two decades. Maybe I sound egoistic. But shouldn't I be considering that I know what I can do but won't be able to do because of the damned stereotypes the whole world seems to hold onto for dear life? Anyway, that's mostly it I believe. Suicide still hasn't left my mind, it never did but whatever. My dad still doesn't treat it like I do but that's also never changed. The rest of the other vent is still the same. I just have Nick now being the best boyfriend ever and giving me hope everytime I fall. Love you all and thank you for sharing your points in the last vent. I did read them even though i didn't reply. Thank you all for caring.
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Points of view
yo, that's a lot to unpack, and I just wanna say you're not alone feeling this way... it really sucks how the system and society seem rigged against people who think differently or don't fit the mold. been there too, questioning everything they try to shove down our throats. sounds like you've got a solid support with Nick though, which is super important. you clearly have a strong drive and talent, especially in chemical engineering, and it's frustrating when people are blind to potential just 'cause of outdated stereotypes; it's your life after all, not anyone else's! hang in there and keep doing you ✨
It's really interesting how you describe the conflicting feelings toward your church and society in general. Have you ever considered getting involved with a community or group that supports your views? Sometimes surrounding ourselves with like-minded people can ease the frustration and give us new perspectives.
That's a good idea! It might help them connect with others.
In Greece where I live, people are still mixing religion with politics. And unfortunately, it seems like nobody understands but also doesnt want to understand different points of views. its mostly the internet that sometimes agrees with me or sometimes doesnt but hey, its better behind the screen. those greek teenage boys can chase you for anything. two years ago, 129 men chased a gay couple across thessaloniki for no reason. its fucking scary. at least behind a screen, i wont be harmed.
wow, it's crazy...
sounds tough ngl, but ur not alone.
sounds like you've got a lot on your plate, and honestly, who wouldn't be overwhelmed with all that; the church thing? yeah, totally get where you're coming from. it's almost like they want to keep people in a box. at least you have nick supporting you—that's a silver lining for sure. it sucks how society decides what you should or shouldn't do just because of some outdated stereotypes. but damn, if anyone can break free from that nonsense, sounds like it's you with that brain of yours 🧠; keep crushing those exams and proving them wrong!
sounds like you're dealing with a lot, especially with all those mixed messages from people around you 😕 stay strong and keep leaning on nick.
kinda agree, but life's complicated tho.
It's wild how much pressure there is to fit into stereotypes or social molds and even crazier when institutions back those outdated views. 😕 I remember feeling stuck between what everyone else expected of me and my own dreams. You're clearly smart, embracing your talents like that is no small feat! Don't let others' narrow-mindedness steal away from your potential. Have you thought about reaching out to a mentor in chemical engineering who might support you? It’s amazing how encouragement from people already in the field can give you a boost when everything feels overwhelming!
i get ur upset, it's rough. venting is cool and all but maybe try something new to distract yourself? always going round and round on the same stuff won’t fix it. you'll probs see things differently when you're older too so yeah idk.
wow, reading your story really resonated with me in so many ways. i've been frustrated with societal norms and expectations too, especially when they just don't align with who we are or what we believe. it's incredible that you're thriving in school and pushing against these boundaries, even when it feels like the world is trying to hold you back. chemical engineering is an amazing field, and there's no reason why you can't excel just 'cause you're a woman. keep trusting yourself and your abilities, and lean on Nick's support when things get tough—having someone who genuinely cares can make a huge difference.
I understand your frustrations, though life has its complexities.
man, it sounds like you're really carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. it's rough when society's expectations don't align with who you are, and all those mixed messages can be exhausting. but just remember that everyone feels overwhelmed at some point—even folks who seem like they have it all figured out! having nick by your side definitely sounds like a blessing; maybe focusing on that support will help balance things out. i can't deny what you're facing is tough, but from what you’ve shared, it seems you've got determination and intelligence in spades to carve out your own path despite the stereotypes holding others back; just keep pushing forward.
reading your story feels like you're wrestling with a lot of conflicting messages from society, religion, and even family. it's tough when the very institutions that are supposed to offer support seem more interested in conformity than compassion; but honestly, just recognizing all these contradictions is a significant step in itself. your awareness of these issues and having someone like nick by your side shows you have a strong foundation. keep questioning and challenging those norms, because that's what drives real change. you've got this 💪!
that sucks big time
It's a real challenge dealing with the hypocrisy and pressure from all angles. Society has this way of trying to crush individuality, especially when they don't fit into their little boxes; sounds like you've got a strong head on your shoulders though, that kind of introspection is rare at your age. Being passionate about studying chemical engineering despite the stereotypes is inspiring. If nothing else, that's proof of grit right there! Keep holding onto that hope Nick gives you and trust in your ability to persevere 💪.
yea man i feel ya my folks never seemed to get it either sometimes it was easier just blocking out what they said rather than fighting back every time also my bf helps alot
I'm sorry, but your vent kinda reads like a mixed bag of frustration and assumptions. You're lumping everything together from religion to career prospects under one big "I hate everything" banner? Jesus(!) Honestly, chemical engineering is a tough field (trust me, I’ve seen people drop out), but if you're really acing tests like you say, why are you even doubting yourself that much? Focus on what you can control instead of drowning in what's wrong with the world. Oh, and if suicide's popping into your thoughts, it’s time to take that seriously and talk to someone who knows their stuff… not just some vent site users. Just saying...
well, listen, ive had a therapist for 6 years now because the court ruled so at the start. i've tried talking about it but i immediately get brushed off. it's like my therapist doesn't believe a person like me would wish to kill herself. It's always "but youre so confident, youve got friends, your family loves you" well, no shit sherlock, is it completely impossible to think of suicide if my life looks like that but rlly isn't? I've just resented to vent site users because i have found their support more close to my heart and mind than my actual therapist's. And I'm doubting myself because everyone else goes "you need to study too, you cant just do everything with wit" which is obvious i know it, but they keep nagging to the point im starting to believe im loosing my wit.
it's wild how messy and contradicting the world can be, right?? like you're trying to find your way in this maze of expectations and rules; society is such a mixed bag of blessings and curses. but man, it's awesome that you got nick supporting you. sometimes just knowing someone’s got your back can make all the difference! hey, maybe lean into your strength for chemical engineering, show folks what's up; don't let them box you in with outdated crap! it really sucks people doubt you based on who they think you should be instead of seeing you for who you are---a really smart person with a knack for science!!
i gotta say i know where you're coming from i really do just feels sometimes like everything is stacked against us but maybe there's small wins we can aim for when you got someone solid like nick can't help think thats a big deal focus on that a bit more maybe who knows right
Focusing on small wins is hard but helpful!
makes me wonder if things will always be this way?
dealing with all that frustration and contradiction is really draining. it's like having to juggle a bunch of stuff while keeping your own identity intact, which isn't easy. i totally see how you feel about religion and the hypocrisy around it; everyone's got their own journey there, and just questioning it is a step forward. but you've got something special going on with your passions, especially in chemical engineering. some folks might doubt you because of old-school ideas, but that's their problem more than yours; you're making strides that they can't ignore forever. having nick as your anchor seems invaluable too. you deserve every ounce of support he gives 💛 keep at it!
i get u, systems suck :(