im tired of living the same cycle.
The story
i'm 23M, and i really dont know where to begin. i'd say for the most part my life is pretty good. i have goals and dreams and im passionate about them, but it seems like when i reach a goal or something good happens to me im so burned out from all the previous things i cannot learn to feel truly happy about them. its like im never satisfied with the life i live. i love and cherish life deeply because i know one day there wont be a tomorrow and everything is done. but its seems like mentally im trapped, mentally i cannot learn to appreciate the things i have going on for me. Recently i was told that i would be getting my own full time job position at the end of the month. others happy for me ecstatic even. here i am stuck in this neutral state. like yeah im happy but then i think ? am i really? and then i started to go down a dark mental road. the two things i desire in life is to be in love and to be financially free. two things i know i can achieve but its seems they are never at the same time.... i met someone recently and the energy has been so good and the vibes were awesome to the point where i was nervous/awkward because i really couldnt believe it. things were great until a day or so ago shit just completely 180s the energy is off and i dont get replied to at all. and it angers me because why ? nothing happened from what i know things were great? it makes me so mad because why? why sit here and go throught all this dates and all just to be snubbed. it hurts me because i know the person i am i have morals and good hearted tendencies i would never do wrong unless done wrong. she tells me she manifested me and all of this yet im getting put on the craziest back burner ever... i feel as if im already fed up with it because it seems like time and time again its the same outcome and its like damn am i insane? because its starting to feel like the textbook definition. i know life goes at different paces and im still young but being old and still searching for my one is something i cannot bring myself to do. i feel like im stuck in my head and i have no way to control it. i dont wanna work the hard job for the rest of my life and i dont want to be alone. i know that im not alone because i have people but alone in the sense i have no one to call my own and its the fact that when i find someone its always stripped away from me to the point where i thought i was self sabotaging my relationships. i wish that i knew my fate in world sometimes because it would be enough to just understand that it will be okay in the end. but thats the mystery of the life we live. Life just feels like its becoming boring and just a repeated cycle everyday. wake up, go to work, come home, game, sleep, repeat that shit is boring games arent even fun anymore the thing i loved the most video games are not fun anymore. videos on videos watched to feel nothing but a laugh here and there. and then back in my head. theres no escape from it and i cant take it i just want to be happy. i have exciting news coming friday but im scared that when that time comes itll be another cycle of delayed gratification if thats even the statement for it. i just want to believe that im just going through the motions but im starting to think its more than that. i just want it to stop, im tired of restarting , im tired of the same workplace drama. im tired of the same thing i meet someone things go great it crashes. im tired of the life i live continuously being a dread because im stuck in the same cycle. im tired of saying im gonna do and never do. i just sometimes honestly want to give the fuck up but i know i cant. last night i thought about killing myself as i looked in the corner of my room because it all feels the same nothing makes me happy. i can't even begin to know what happiness is anymore i thought meeting this girl would light that fire in me again because i would know what its like to be wanted to feel loved. to be happy. but i never even got the chance too. my past 3 situationships have done nothing but dig me deeper in the ground. i just want to amount to something. i just want to know what its like to love someone and they love you back. i just want to be able to wake up and both my physical and mental are happy. this life is so precious and i just wonder is this how my life is meant to be spent? why is it like this? when do me and my people start to win? being counted out hurts more than anything it hurts when it feels like not even your friends believe in you because thats what your brain tells you. i know my life has a purpose and i know that all blessings must be counted no matter how big or how small. but im just stuck. im stuck feeling like shit builds up just to crash and burn i hate that my mind is so creative yet so deceptive i hate that it feels like my biggest enemy is myself and i dont know how to defeat him. i want to just be happy again.
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Points of view
Hey there, I get where you're coming from, but honestly, it feels like you're kinda overthinking things a bit. Life ain't all about instant fireworks and constant highs; sometimes, it just is what it is; I’ve been there myself, thinking that every setback is the end of the world, but then I realized that sometimes vibes just don’t match, and that’s okay. Focusing too much on what you don't have instead of what you do, can be a real downer. Sometimes these rough patches teach us more than a smooth ride ever could. I’ve learned to roll with the punches; maybe that's something worth trying. Anyway, hang in there!
i like to think thats just what im doing. overthinking it all, you're right. i know things wont always be picture perfect and i feel like im letting the down moments outshine all of the good thats happened to me. im alive today and breathing i have a chance today to make something better for myself. thank you.
EnlivenedWhiteLightningMuffinPanInSingaporeWithGuilt
2d ago"im alive today and breathing i have a chance today to make something better for myself", big fan of this sentence ❤
I totally get what you're feeling; life's like this big rollercoaster, right? Everything you're sayin' just hits home, like I've been down that road too, where nothing seems to stick and it feels like you're just runnin' in circles. Keepin' your head up can be tough when you're stuck in that cycle of same ol' same ol', but finding those little things that still bring a smile makes all the difference! I remember days when I felt the same, like no matter what, I just couldn't catch a break—but then I realized things can change when you least expect it. Just hang in there and believe that things can turn around 🌟! You've got goals and dreams, and even if they're taking longer than expected, you can still get there. Keep pushin', buddy!
i have to remember that no matter how big or how small it is. a blessing is a blessing that can push me towards the things i desire. i tell myself keep going i could be right around the corner to the things i desire. it just gets really difficult at times. i try to talk to people but i just always think im just bitching and its all in my head and everyone will think im tripping or they wont understand. life was never meant to be perfect and i know it requires balance. all things bad or good come to ends. it just gets hard to think that way and think positive when it seems like it keeps going. thank you, it makes me feel better knowing others know what im going through and have been there because its living proof that you made it through so can i. i've always been told since a child that i would be something special. and its a high compliment but also a heavy weight to carry. because its always the what ifs? i'll figure it out but if i give up here ill never get the answers i desire. Thank you, sincerely. i wish the best for you.
totally feel you on this one life can be a challenging journey; it's easy to feel stuck when repetitive cycles weigh you down you're clearly motivated and have big dreams your frustration is understandable we all crave love and fulfillment; sometimes they seem just out of reach but remember life ebbs and flows happiness can return when least expected keep that fire alive and embrace the journey wherever it leads stay strong and optimistic 😊 you got this 💪