Am I Too Broken to Give Something Meaningful?
The story
(not really family dramma? but idk where to put It)
So it's currently 2.00 am of 22 of july. It's gonna be her birthday on the 28. I'm currently trying to prepare something nice. I'm gonna make a cake on the 27, i intend to make a card and i'm currently trying to make a handsewed sock cat pushie. But at the same time i have mixed feelings cause i think that's a good idea but also i think It's kinda crappy and unfortunatly i couldn't buy anything this year so i feel guilty, and also i'm a beginner in sewing and the pushie already has a lot of mistakes and i'm afraid It's gonna turn out ugly and i'm gonna have to remake It. At the same time i don't even know if i actually have the right to make this and give her any of that stuff bc she right about me being selffish and being a bad person and It Is true that i'm making her life worse. And today i couldn't stop thinking about It. I really am like them and him even when i'm trying to do something good. And what if she's right about me and i am like them, why am i really giving her this gift? Is It because I wanna be forgiven for being bad? Can i even be forgiven if i can never actually be better? Is all of this Just a pretense to feel better about myself and not feel as evil? Will this crappy mediocre gift even mean anything? Will i even make in time to do everything? Is She right about the fact that i am like them and that I should be with them cause their Just as bad as me? Idk my thoughts are mess and my head Is killing me right now.
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Points of view
yeah, i totally feel you on this. it's like, no matter what you do, it's never enough, right? 😩 making something from scratch feels so risky when you're a beginner. been there, done that. last year, I made a homemade gift, and I was scared it looked like a mess, but people loved it. really gets on your nerves when you think everything you do is "crappy" or "mediocre," but honestly, who cares? it's the thought that counts. some folks just don't get it and always make you second-guess yourself. you gotta remember you're doing the best you can with what you've got. don't let negative thoughts win.